How do I prepare for breastfeeding?

[CanIHaveAHolidayPlease]

Long story short, I'm 11 weeks pregnant with my 3rd. Have two completely failed attempts at breastfeeding with my first two children. First one I managed 2 possibly 3 feeds and second child I think 3 days!

I've never been offered any antenatal classes so naievly assumed BF would be as simple as latching baby on and boom.... how wrong was I!!!
With my first child we were kept in hospital for 24 hours due to him not feeding but no-one had time to help me. It was painful! Midwife said the latch was wrong but he was on and off the breast every 5 mins so couldn't keep calling for help as often as needed!! The cheeky cow even told me id mangage i to BF if I'd given birth on a desert island as I'd have no choice!
I ended up giving him a bottle just to get out of there, going home and getting mastitis.

Second child, again painful. This time excruciating. He'd grip my nipple so hard my whole body would tense up and I'd burst into tears 😢 gave up after three days because I ended up being scared of going near the moses basket incase he woke up and wanted milk.

What am I doing wrong?? Apparently its not supposed to hurt if you get the latch right.
My boobs have never leaked a single drip whilst pregnant but are extremely tender, is there something wrong with me?

As I said I am 11 weeks pregnant with my 3rd. Its been 9 years since my last child so feel like a first time parent again! I am desperate to manage it this time.

Is there something im supposed to do to prepare? Are my boobs just useless?
Maybe someone could recommend a good book?

Thanks for reading, sorry it's long!!

Did you ever see a lactation consultant, either hospital one or a private one? That's the person to help with latching and comfortable positions.

I was offered and heavily suggested to go on a hospital run breastfeeding antenatal course on my first and it was just the basics but it was a good start.

Leaking or not leaking is no sign of supply or ability to breastfeed, I never had any change to breast size or leaking in either of my pregnancies, had a rough start feeding my first as he was in scbu, but went on to feed both dc for well over 2 years each.

The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding is a good book to try.

I thought this book was brilliant. Was so practical and I felt much more prepared. I found myself going back to it regularly after baby was born if I encountered any issues.
It definitely took my nipples about 2/3 weeks to adjust and to stop feeling painful- I don't think it's true that it shouldn't hurt at all, I'd expect some pain initially while your nipples adjust to being sucked constantly!! But it really should settle after a few weeks.

@Garman

Did you ever see a lactation consultant, either hospital one or a private one? That's the person to help with latching and comfortable positions.

I was offered and heavily suggested to go on a hospital run breastfeeding antenatal course on my first and it was just the basics but it was a good start.

Leaking or not leaking is no sign of supply or ability to breastfeed, I never had any change to breast size or leaking in either of my pregnancies, had a rough start feeding my first as he was in scbu, but went on to feed both dc for well over 2 years each.

The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding is a good book to try.

Many thanks for your reply!
Nope, I don't even know whether the hospital had a lactation consultation but that's definitely something I'll ask about so thankyou!
Glad to read it worked out well for you. I will have a look for the book you suggested 😀

@Whereland

I thought this book was brilliant. Was so practical and I felt much more prepared. I found myself going back to it regularly after baby was born if I encountered any issues. It definitely took my nipples about 2/3 weeks to adjust and to stop feeling painful- I don't think it's true that it shouldn't hurt at all, I'd expect some pain initially while your nipples adjust to being sucked constantly!! But it really should settle after a few weeks.

Thankyou for your book suggestion!
I am sure I can cope with 2-3 weeks of adjustment. Wish me luck!

Honestly? I know people say it's not supposed to be painful if you're doing it right but actually nipples are sensitive and neither you or the baby actually know what you're supposed to be doing. For the first few days, it hurts. Then your nipples toughen up and it stops being so painful, especially when your milk actually comes through properly (day 3 or so). In my opinion, (barring physiological issues for either of you, honestly) if you can get some proper advice once baby arrives, treatment for bruised and cracked nipples and can stick it out, you can be successful.

Lansinoh (sp?) is amazing, slather it on after every feed and sit topless to let your nipples air.

If the midwives/ health visitors aren't helpful, good resources are the kellymom website, and La Leche League if you've got any nearby.

I think - having had two children and tried breastfeeding and switched to bottle feeding - you probably already know this, but while breastfeeding is great, so is bottle feeding so please don't feel like you've failed if it doesn't go to plan this time as well.

the positive breastfeeding book by Amy Brown is good too. and having support systems in place beforehand so knowing which lactation consultant you want to see etc

I agree with PPs, you do realistically have to expect some pain initially - your poor nipples take a real battering in those first few days/weeks! My DD was a good feeder but I still virtually had to hold my breath for the first 20 seconds of a feed to power through the pain, for the first few weeks. I still occasionally have pain from bruising or a nip from DDs teeth.

I'd also recommend lanisoh (it's expensive, but magic) and having some nipple shields bought so you have them to hand in case you need them. But good latch is important - try the books recommended, or see if you have a local breastfeeding group, mine ran anti natal classes and then post natal drop ins in Costa (via Zoom ATM). Good luck!

Is it the pain that made you stop previously then?

I think persistence is a key part of it to be honest, I found it really painful for the first couple of weeks and I remember dreading every feed, but I carried on anyway and it seemed to just gradually get less painful. I know people say that if it’s painful you’re doing it wrong, but I watched so many videos and the latch really seemed right so I wonder if my nipples just needed to toughen up. I found using lots of lanolin and multimam compresses in between feeds helped a lot.

I guess the only thing you can do to prepare at this point is to learn as much as you can about how to feed (how to ensure a correct latch, etc), maybe look at some YouTube videos, or go to a class, you could also see if there are support groups running near you, they’re likely to open up face to face again before your baby arrives and I know the ones near me don’t mind expectant mother’s going along too. You could also identify some sources of support ready for those first few weeks after birth should you need it (helplines, support groups, lactation consultants, etc)

Is there a breastfeeding clinic/group in your area? They often advertise in the ante natal departments, or your midwife may know of a group. Mine was invaluable; they sit and watch while you feed and can advise.

I’ve had excruciating pain with all of mine, I breastfed 2 of them and bottle fed one with expressed milk. With the two “successful” ones it took about 3 weeks before I was more or less pain free. I used to have to put something between my teeth to bite down on during every feed to cope with the pain. I developed deep cuts and bled a lot during feeds. I had loads of help both times from midwives and there was nothing wrong with the latch. I think some of us are just made differently and it can be really hard.

I’m expecting dc4 soon and with being busy with three others I’m hoping to breastfeed again so as to cut out all the faff that comes with prepping bottles or expressing. I’m expecting to encounter similar problems, I don’t think there is any magic solution other than perseverance and being a bit tactical about it - eg, Feeding more on one side than the other if you have cuts on one side that need to heal / doing the odd formula feed to give cuts or soreness a chance to heal so they don’t get so bad that you need to stop altogether.

The reason I didn’t manage with dc2 was because my dh had no time off work and I was basically left with a toddler and a baby to manage for 12 hrs a day and I’d had a very difficult birth and it was all just too much. With dc3 we expected the feeding problems and basically all I did for 3 weeks was focus on feeding and resting and my dh did absolutely everything with the other two kids. We’ll try and do the same again with dc4.

It’s good you’re thinking about it now, being prepared for difficulties will help you when they arise. Also, it’s not your fault if it doesn’t work out, and having had two breastfed and one bottle fed I can confirm (albeit a non scientific study!) that no one would be able to tell which one was formula fed - our bond is amazing and he is just as healthy and happy as the other two!

Agree with PPs. It's not painless to begin with as your nipples are very tender and not used to being sucked on.. it takes a while for them to harden up, even if the latch is perfect. You have to power through really. Once they've got used to baby it can become pain free and even enjoyable.

See if you can plough through for the first week as your milk doesn't come in immediately either. There is a lot of cluster feeding at the beginning, it is tough, but worth it if you and baby get it right.

There is lots of help and resources out there too like others have said xx

If your area has a breastfeeding support team (often a charity rather than publicly funded or linked to hospital) then get in touch with them in advance so you know who to speak to post birth.
Read up on what to expect biologically from the first few days of a breastfed baby's life and get DH on board too - things like cluster feeding, milk not coming in until day 3-5, size of baby's tummy meaning near constant feeding is normal - amongst my friends one of the biggest reasons they switched to formula was themselves or their partner feeling baby wasn't getting "enough" either because they couldn't measure it in a bottle or wrongly equated cluster feeding with low supply.
Get a water bottle and keep it with you for the first few weeks and drink constantly! And make sure you stay well fed. Both will help with supply.
All babies are so different, my first was a nightmare to feed and my second latched as if she'd always known how. Fingers crossed for you having a good feedy baby this time!

Also watch this video on latching - completely changed my understanding on how to achieve a good latch! globalhealthmedia.org/portfolio-items/attaching-your-baby-at-the-breast/

I absolutely second the PP that recommended Clare Byam Cook's book - it helped me prepare when I was pregnant with my second and I was able to breastfeed having had a terrible time with my first and giving up after a couple of weeks. I'd also consider combined feeding if you have a busy life. It is just brilliant.

I second Lansinoh as manna from heaven to sore nipples. Also just take it a day at a time - always say, “I’ll get through today then see how I feel tomorrow”. Great advice given to me by a friend.

Also, switching to bottle is not failing.

Good luck with it all.

Following because I went through a horrible experience last time and would like to try again

Wow! Thanks to everyone for taking time to reply. I haven't time to reply to you all individually but have read everyone's comments and will take them on board. Will defo give the Lanisoh (sp?) a try and ask the midwife about local groups.

Thanks again, much appreciated

@AnnaBegins - that was the video I was trying to remember, I watched that in an antenatal class and referred to it a few times when I first started breastfeeding. It helped me a lot.

OP, these are amazing too. www.boots.com/multi-mam-compresses-1-x-12-pack-10078094

Lansinoh between each feed, and these once a day worked wonders for me.

Expressing colostrum in the final of weeks of pregnancy can help too. Lots of videos on YouTube to show. You will just get small amounts at first but you can build up and freeze in 1ml syringes. If the colostrum is established it can make it a little easier for the milk coming in.

Read kellymom. It’s US based but I found it utterly invaluable, especially when everyone else was tutting about the inevitable constant feeding. Gave me confidence to say no, i’m fine, it’s normal. No I don’t want to try formula to give me a break.

One personal tip with latching. I found latching on the awkward part, so I didn’t unlatch if possible. Baby was perfectly happy left latched on, she’d rouse, feed, sleep, rouse etc without ever unlatching. I set myself up with tv, food and drinks, and left her there. I believe it’s why I didn’t get sore, and how I built up supply very quickly. Again, only personal experience.

Easy for the first 24 hours too when you’re catheterised and can’t get up anyway!

The only downside was the midwives saying “feeding again? Shall I get you a bottle, so you can have a break” every time they passed.

For sleep I took advantage of visitors and let them hold her while I napped, and grabbed snatches when she did properly nap. Once home it was easier as dh helped.

Night feeding is normal, don’t expect sleeping through by 6 weeks. Nights are when the hormone that stimulates milk is produced. Bf babies feed a lot (which Is why I gave up
Unlatching as she’d want back on after 20 mins). Don’t expect 4 hourly feeds.

Don’t listen to advice from people who expect a bf baby to behave in the same way as a bottle fed baby. They feed much more frequently, poo consistency is different, and they don’t get into a four hourly routine from 6 weeks.

Trust your own judgement. Is the baby pink, healthy looking, crying, sleeping appropriately? Poo and wee? Is the wee a nice pale yellow, and poo liquidy? If so chances are they are getting enough milk.

Generally though, first rule is feed, feed, feed, and feed again, especially in the early days. It is constant, and it is normal. It will get better. One day at a time.

The multi-mam compresses recommended by @TheMotherlode are brilliant. They really got me through the pain of the first few days.

Breastfeeding was very very painful for the first 6-8 weeks for me! I dreaded the feeds. Lanisoh cream really helped. I cried a lot for those first few months.

Eight months in and it's brilliant now, so easy and have been completely pain free for 5-6 months. I think the nipples have to be a bit broken in?! So that they toughen up or go numb, not sure which one!

Good luck with it, it really is worth it!

Check out Blossom. It's an org set up by midwives at the start of the pandemic. They do a free breastfeeding class online and it is brilliant. They also do breastfeeding support and q and as every Sunday night on Instagram. Can't recommend them highly enough.

I didn't manage to get breastfeeding working with my first. So I spoke to a lactation early on in this pregnancy to talk that through, needed to get over some baggage, and have have a consult with her re my birth plan. I've found that really helpful. That and understanding what to expect, which is where the blossom class has come in really useful.

With baby 1 I was told it's a natural process and should just happen () and so when I found it hard I felt like a failure. I've learned it is natural but also something that mum and baby need to learn together with good tips and support. Which I've found a great comfort.

www.blossomantenatal.com/home