Unsure if want children - advice needed!

[threeisthemagicnumber1]

Hey mumsnet!

Bit of a sensitive/difficult one - but need some views.

All my life I’ve never really pictured having children. Could be various reasons for this or could be a preference to not want them, not too sure but there’s a lot of factors

I want to know if anyone here that’s become a mum didn’t really want children or ever imagine it happening, but for whatever reason it’s happened anyway - how did you find it?

Appreciate this is an awkward one, but find myself in a tough situation and at the age where I really need to figure this out. Wouldn’t want to regret such a big life choice to bring a child into the world but my partner very much wants them.

Sorry if this is the wrong place to post - but in desperate need of advice!

Thanks :)

Did you really not talk to your partner about kids before getting serious? Would it be a deal breaker if you didn't want them?

It isn't something to go into naively which you clearly recognise and some parents do regret having children. If you read posts in the chats or aibu section on mumsnet you will find many a post from people who were ambivalent about kids, then went on to have them and whilst they adore them if they had their time again they wouldn't.

Maybe try to spend more time around kids first, different ages? You could maybe babysit after covid for friends or anyone in your partner's family that has kids to give whether you like being around them? However some people find that they aren't that keen on kids in general but love their own. Its hard but I don't think it has to be an immediate decision unless your partner feels it is an issue.

Some people think they want kids when they don't. Others think they don't and they may change their mind...

There is no right or wrong answer here.

If you have concerns about changing your mind and finding it's too late for you (btw I'm 39, and had my first child last year with IVF, currently naturally pregnant with my second) maybe consider freezing some eggs.

But you shouldn't have a child because you feel pressured by people or society. Life expectancy changes all the time so unless you are in your late 40s/50s you still have time to let your self naturally decide.

I was never particularly maternal - wanted a horse before I wanted a baby - then I suffered infertility from age 32 and was infertile by age 36 due to losing both tubes to ectopics......then I've never wanted anything so much in my entire life than to have children