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Original poster

Advice needed partner at birth

25 replies

laureng93 · 09/04/2021 16:04

Hi all,

Just looking for some advice really I'm 34 weeks pregnant and it's been tough! I suffered from HG from about 5 weeks and still suffering now just having better days.

Anyways with all that my partner has been so unsupportive he has been cruel too me calling me names chucking the HG in my face saying I'm just being lazy constantly being accused of cheating on him even though I've lived in my bed for the last 7 months or so and have 2 other children at home and so on. Then last night my sickness was through the roof anytime I tried to move I was heaving to be sick I had the most intense Braxton hicks to the point I actually though I might be going into labour earlier so I went to wake my partner up so he could help me by getting me some paracetamol or running me a bath something to help me I was in tears and he turned around and shouted at me 'stop f*ing waking me up' then turned back over! After that I got up to go run my bath see if I could calm the pains I was having but I was just so upset with the way he just shouted at me and being in pain I ended up having a panic attack and felt so scared on my own. My partner STILL didn't come in to check on me in fact he got up this morning seen I was in my daughters bed and said nothing just left for work no checking on me no kiss nothing!

I just felt so alone and unsupported which has led me to think about whether he would be the right support for me at the birth... right now you are only allowed one birthing partner and I just don't feel comfortable with that being him I just want my mum or sister anyone that could support me whilst I'm in labour not someone who is nasty and negative or what if I go into labour at night I will be too scared to wake my partner up now. But on the flip side of things he is baby's dad and I just don't know what to do for the best!

Would I be out of order for asking my mum to be there instead of him?

OP posts:
Marvel23 · 09/04/2021 16:16

Definitely have your mum or sister with you at the hospital. Hopefully the other one can have your other children as not sure I would want to leave them with him. If he has no patience with you how will he act towards a newborn. I know it is probably too much to think about right now but do you really want to be in this relationship. He doesn't appear to care about you at all and you deserve better!

Analysethat · 09/04/2021 16:29

OP - get rid of this man. Literally cannot give you any other advice.

SunnySideUp2020 · 09/04/2021 16:31

Sorry to be a bit harsh but please read what your wrote. He sounds horrible.
Why are you putting up with this?
I feel really sad reading this honestly. It must be very hard. Please don't let this man treat you like this. Do you think it's a healthy environment for your children?

And obviously yes by all means get someone else to be your birth partner. And perhaps get rid of him as a partner in life too.

waterlego · 09/04/2021 16:40

Never mind not having him at the birth, I wouldn't want him anywhere near me at all, permanently. I'm sorry you're in this situation. What do you get out of being in a relationship with him?

MeadowHay · 09/04/2021 16:42

Get rid of this nasty, nasty man.

sundowners · 09/04/2021 16:45

Please, do ask your mum and sister to be your birth partner. Pregnancy support is for the whole slog- not just the amazing, dramatic moment of the birth when he can also wallow in the drama/glory of it all and celebrate the moment- despite you have done all the hard work and he couldn't even be arsed to give you some emotional support? Don't have him there, please.

FelicityPike · 09/04/2021 16:45

Why are you still with him?!

osbertthesyrianhamster · 09/04/2021 16:47

Have your mum or sister. Don't put this man on the birth certificate or give the baby his surname. Please get rid of him. He's vile.

Ohpulltheotherone · 09/04/2021 16:52

OP use the last few weeks of your pregnancy to find somewhere else to go.

You are making a huge mistake with this man.

Please don’t expose your children and new baby to such cruelty. You’ll be ruining their lives.

In answer to your question no of course he shouldn’t be your birthing partner. You’d get better support from a lump of wood. Tell your mum what is happening at home and how horrible your partner is and ask her to help you leave.

Good luck

Sexnotgender · 09/04/2021 22:15

Dear lord raise your bar!

You do not deserve to be treated like this. Get this scumbag out your life.

Twizbe · 09/04/2021 22:17

LTB yesterday. This will only get worse once baby is here.

Who's house is it that you live in?

PutTheCakeDOWN · 09/04/2021 22:19

Please take your mum or sister 💐

daisypond · 09/04/2021 22:21

Come on, OP. Get this man out of your life. Can you not see? He’s not a partner, never mind a birthing partner.

Milkshake7489 · 09/04/2021 22:22

You deserve far more than that shitty excuse for a partner. LTB and ask your mum or sister to be at the birth instead Flowers.

Zooma3 · 10/04/2021 02:27

Having him in labour would definitely make you soooo stress and it would complicate the birth!
Keeping him in your life is not our business but would not take him with me into labour at all:)
Good luck🤞

Strokethefurrywall · 10/04/2021 02:37

FFS, another one (sigh).

Not only should you not have this disgusting excuse of a human anywhere near the birth, you shouldn't have him anywhere near your life.

Raise your fucking bar woman. Do better for yourself and your babies.

MrsTerryPratchett · 10/04/2021 02:49

Never mind not having him at the birth, I wouldn't want him anywhere near me at all, permanently.

Get whoever you think can manage your feelings at the birth. The other helps with your other children. And please LTB. He's a shitty, abusive waste of skin.

ivfbeenbusy · 10/04/2021 03:18

Was he like this before? If so picked a good un there and you were mental to have a baby with him. - im saying that because your username suggests you are 28 so you're hardly a naïve girl just out of her teens you're a grown woman. I'm not usually one for LTB but you need to get rid of this chap and no he doesn't sound like he will be supportive at the birth

flowersatthecastle · 10/04/2021 03:22

Is this reflective of your relationship as a whole? I struggle to believe this behaviour is recent or a one off. You don't need this when heavily pregnant or otherwise.

If you ask your mum or sister, I think you should explain to them how you've got to this point and get their real life advice on the situation. Because this issue seems wider than just who your birthing partner should be.

Original poster
laureng93 · 10/04/2021 10:00

Thank you everyone for your replies, all your comments have helped massively I spoke to my mum and she's going to be my birthing partner and my sister will be watching my other 2 children whilst I'm in labour. I already feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders now.

I know the way he treats me is not right at all I've asked him to leave numerous times but he just refuses and as both our names are on the tenancy I can't force him out... I've looked for other private rents as council won't help but because I'm not in work at the moment I don't meet the landlords 'criteria' then with having HG I am poorly most days so can't even look for a job so I just feel stuck and he knows that hence why I think he doesn't care how he treats me because he knows I have nowhere to go 😥 I feel like I just have to put up and shut up until baby is here.
My plan is to get back into work when baby has arrived as soon as I can and then finally get me and my children away from him I've already been saving so I have my deposit etc sat there I just need to be in work then hopefully get a place of our own.

Thanks again for all your replies I just feel so reassured I'm making the right decision now x

OP posts:
NinaMimi · 10/04/2021 10:19

Good luck with getting out of this situation. You’ll feel much better away from him.

I feel really bad for you in this situation Sad . It’s bad enough feeling sick and tired in pregnancy but having to put up with a bully is horrible

SunnySideUp2020 · 10/04/2021 15:08

Good luck OP x
Hope your plan to get away works when you are ready.

CloudFormations · 10/04/2021 20:02

You poor thing. You’ve made the right decision about having your mum. I’m so glad you have a plan for getting away from that bastard Flowers

MrsTerryPratchett · 10/04/2021 20:10

All the best OP. I hope you manage to get rid soon.

bubblebath62636 · 10/04/2021 20:13

I'm so sorry you're going through this op, what a cunt he is.
This is not normal behaviour and you shouldn't put up with it.

Could you go stay with your mum? Sister? A friend? I know you have 2 other children so it may be a squeeze but you'll need the support.

I worry he may get worse once the baby's born. Do you every worry for your safety?

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