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Pregnancy

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Original poster

Should I ask to stay in hospital longer after birth?

27 replies

Sandles12 · 09/04/2021 09:57

Aibu to ask to stay in one night longer after birth. So I've just found out I'm pregnant and already having anxieties. I had my first baby 3 years ago. Had him on my sofa at home (due to hospital not believing as was in labour earlier that day). Got transported to hospital and stayed for a lovely 2 nights in MLU which I had originally planned.

The reason I would like to stay day longer is to get extra help with feeding. All was going well in hospital until my milk transitioned on day 3 when I got home and baby refused to latch. I ended up having to call midwives out to house to help. I had trouble with feeding for nine weeks due to undisguised tongue tie. Bf is really important to me and I am still feeding my toddler. I honestly think I would've ended up with PND had I not succeeded last time.

I am selfish to ask to possibly stay 3 nights? MLU was more or less empty except me last time but I felt pressure to leave to save beds for others.

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8dpwoah · 09/04/2021 10:05

I don't want to frighten you but there is a massive thread on the problems of postnatal wards running at the moment.
Our MLU only lets you stay a few hours and that's only if you've actually given birth there (it's partly closed at the moment anyway as it's the covid maternity provision) so your trust must have a different policy but I wouldn't stay extra unless I could guarantee it wouldn't be on the postnatal ward itself.
I'd be looking at community support for breastfeeding, lactation consultant, that kind of thing, at home rather than hoping for the same to happen in a hospital environment. That way you're in control of the plan and in your own space.

fedup2021x · 09/04/2021 10:11

I don't think they'll allow it in all honesty, that's why there's community midwifes who come out to people. Unless you medically need that bed, there's no reason for you to stay in they're always desperate for beds so can't see it likely unfortunately.

Honeybobbin · 09/04/2021 10:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChipsAreLife · 09/04/2021 10:15

Im sorry but I doubt they'll let you. I hate being negative but I'll share my experience. I gave birth in September via section. I was booted out in less than 24 hours. They made me feel very unwelcome, barely had any help to move or anything. I had to empty my own catheter bag for example.

I didn't feel ready to leave but I hated it so much in there (third baby) and was back in ten days later with a very infected wound where they kept me in longer because they had to put me on a drip.

I would use your community midwives. Ours run out of the MLU unit at the hospital and were more than happy when I dropped in to get help with feeding. Far nicer to be home and use them. Good luck!

Zarinea · 09/04/2021 10:16

I did, and it was brilliant. But I had a C section so there was more need for me to stay in, and it was (just) Pre COVID so things were very different.

I'd have a chat to your midwife.

SugarCoatIt · 09/04/2021 10:20

I can understand your anxieties OP but I think you perhaps need to come up with a different plan of action and manage your expectations a little bit so that you aren't left disappointed/with more anxiety.

First things first, sounds like you had a very tricky and challenging start to your breastfeeding journey last time (many women do - just because something is evolutionary ancient, doesn't mean that it's easy!) but you went on to establish breastfeeding in the way which was so important to you so take some self confidence from that.

I don't necessarily think the ward is the best/only method of breastfeeding support, they have many women to look after and if you have in your head by day 3 it will be ok, and it's perhaps not then how will you feel then? I also very much doubt they'd be able to honour your request, especially at this particular moment in time. You may not be in a night, 2 nights, yet alone 3.

I would encourage you to look for local breastfeeding councillors and breastfeeding groups, this doesn't mean you have to pay, there are quite a big network of NHS trained volunteer breastfeeding councillors, if you chat to your midwife then she will be able to point you in the right direction. I think it would be good to chat your anxieties trough with your midwife as well.

SugarCoatIt · 09/04/2021 10:21

@ChipsAreLife goodness me, that sounds like a really rough ride.

NellietheNumpty · 09/04/2021 10:24

Have you thought about using a doula or maternity nurse at home.

espressoontap · 09/04/2021 10:28

I stayed 3 nights. They wanted to discharge me after first night but I asked to stay for help with feeding, night 2 was horrendous and she screamed all night (forgot what the second night was like 😂) then because they wanted to weigh her on day 3 I stayed in a third night. It was honestly bliss to have that time with baby away from 4 year old. They won't turf you out.

espressoontap · 09/04/2021 10:28

I'd had a caesarean btw

espressoontap · 09/04/2021 10:30

DD now 6 months. I didn't feel rushed. They were amazing.

PlanBea · 09/04/2021 10:35

Hi OP, as someone who has struggled with health anxiety, even if they agreed in principle there is still the likelihood they are too busy on the actual day and need to send you home anyway, so despite planning on staying I'd be spending the next few months worrying it wasn't going to work out anyway. I'd suggest a firm plan of arranging a lactation consultant or identifying breastfeeding help locally, and look to have that in place instead. Something confirmed and fixed will give you more reassurance, where you're in control of it.

However remember this time round, you've done it before! I know planning for the worst is a coping strategy for anxiety but you've got way more experience this time round which will help. Good luck!

HappyAsASandboy · 09/04/2021 10:37

I don't think you can or should ask in advance as they absolutely won't be able to agree to you staying extra time.

Instead, make sure your midwife knows you would like extra breastfeeding support, get it written all over your notes and your birth plan, and ask for the Infant Feeding Team to support you as soon as possible after birth.

They will let you stay as long as you need to stay, and maternal anxiety and/or issues with breastfeeding are perfectly normal reasons for staying on the ward. See how it goes and speak to them at the time about what you think is best for you in the circumstances you find yourself.

After two of my three births I stayed one night longer than I think the midwives would have been happy to let me go. Most mothers want to get out as soon as possible, so the midwives are working to that norm. If you think you need to stay for any reason then explain that and I would be very surprised if they push you out (within reason, obviously). When you do leave, the Infant Feeding Team can continue to support and can liaise with the community midwife team to get you additional support at home if you'd like it.

PegasusReturns · 09/04/2021 10:37

It’s unlikely you’ll be allowed.

Would you consider having your baby at home and getting the support of a doula/breast feeding consultant.

You can set things up for optimise comfort and success.

SoupDragon · 09/04/2021 10:37

I'd suggest a firm plan of arranging a lactation consultant or identifying breastfeeding help locally, and look to have that in place instead.

I agree. I think you'd get more valuable help this way.

Pinkflipflop85 · 09/04/2021 10:40

I would arrange support with a lactation consultant. In my experience, breastfeeding support in hospital is absolutely dire or in most cases non existent.

Chelyanne · 09/04/2021 10:57

Very unlikely to allow you to stay if you and baby are well, if it were your 1st baby you may have had a better chance. You are better off finding someone who can help you once home.

I hate hospital so never got why women would choose to stay there longer than needed. Last time I was terrified I would fall asleep and drop one of our twins off those high beds as I'd had no quality sleep for months due to spd pain waking me so often.

mongoosebaby · 09/04/2021 11:13

There is no way I would have willing spent any extra time on the post natal ward personally, so you must have had a very different experience to me! I had lots of feeding support at home from lactation consultants with my first (I did pay for a private visit which was around £50 iirc) although that was pre covid. If I were you I would get in contact with infant feeding teams while you are still pregnant to get a plan in place. If it helps, I found breastfeeding my second a billion times easier than my first 😀

Skymum82 · 09/04/2021 11:24

I have never wanted to stay in hospital, first I was in over night and discharged my self next morning could of stayed longer as daughter was in special baby care but wasn't allowed on ward as needed high care so seemed pointless. 2nd and third didn't get to ward just had bubba's (water birth) then left. I always find mid wife's man handle me abs just come in abs get my boobs out etc which I hate feel so much more at ease at home.

Teakind · 09/04/2021 11:31

Does your hospital have special feeding clinics? Mine does and I could bring the baby in as many times as I liked to get help.

Also please remember every baby is different and your second child may feed very easily. With my first child, I had a horrible back to back labour and terrible midwives and my DD was then tongue tied so establishing feeding was very difficult. I had all sorts of things written in my birth plan to try and avoid the same experience the second time but it was completely different. I had been worrying over nothing. My DS fed much easier too.

In my experience it’s really hard to get good breastfeeding help on postnatal wards anyway so looking for separate places for help would be advisable. Is there a breastfeeding clinic near you?

Original poster

Sandles12 · 09/04/2021 13:59

Yeah hopefully this one will be easier to feed and will have a better start rather than sitting in an ambulance. Yeah there is a lactation consultant in hospital. I ended up paying for one eventually as nobody diagnosed tongue tie as it wasn't obvious. The midwives in MLU were very helpful while I was there so no complaints there. Thanks for advice.

OP posts:

Original poster

Sandles12 · 09/04/2021 14:04

@Skymum82 I found the MLU brilliant. En suite and everything. 3 great meals a day. It was great and I was only one of two people there. Yeah a lot of handling of the boobs lol which is weird at first. I'd like a water birth this time but as we know things don't usually go to plan!

OP posts:

Original poster

Sandles12 · 09/04/2021 14:10

Thanks so much everyone, these comments have put me at ease. I don't usually think ahead or worry about anything and am never normally an anxious person. I think I will feel more prepared this time due to the amount of bf research I had to do last time. I had never heard of a lactation consultant before I had to get one!!:-) and last time hadn't even considered that bf might cause any issues...a steep learning curve indeed and without doubt, despite the immense effort and pain, the best part of having a new baby!

OP posts:

mamatocaptainchaos · 09/04/2021 14:55

I'm unsure on others but at my trust you can be transferred to the MLU and stay to establish a latch and breastfeed etc! My midwife told me this the other day as this is one of my anxieties.

I'll most likely give birth there anyway!

wimbler · 09/04/2021 15:25

I also asked to stay in an extra night after my c-section as I wanted the pain relief and knew I wouldn't be able to manage stairs. It was a doube edged sword however as the post natal ward was horrific and I didn't sleep at all and missed my husband terribly. On the other hand when she was cluster feeding for the entirety of the second night, the midwives were there to help and encourage me that it was normal. She was my first baby and had no idea what cluster feeding was.

I had breastfeeding support when I returned home though. The midwife came the day after I was home and the breastfeeding specialist (nhs) came the next day. I also went to local breastfeeding cafes and the weigh in clinics a lot in the first few weeks where the advice was great. Not sure how covid has impacted this but they should be back up and running soon if not already

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