Regretting this pregnancy

7 replies

Nojudgments · 04/04/2021 12:21

I've posted before regarding this pregnancy I'm now 11 weeks. I've 3 children already and didn't really want another but due to me being 35 figured it's now or never really , dp was the one that pushed for this my DC are not his , he has no DC. I now feel I was forced into this and he is overly cautious , have u eaten today what have u eaten etc etc and I'm starting to feel that I'm just this machine making his baby like I'm more his surrogate rather then this being a mutually what we both want. I'm more withdrawn and very tearful. Im starting to feel anger and hate towards dp , feeling he is getting the easy option still smoking etc not that I smoke anyway but like his life is unchanged. I don't feel any love towards this child , I don't even want to tell people. I'm now avoiding and social I reaction with others now lockdown has eased I just don't want to tell people. I don't want to get fat and big again 😩 I just want to hide and feel sorry for myself. Sorry for the rant.

OP posts:

Worriesome · 04/04/2021 13:20

You’re entitled to a rant, sounds tough. Are you suffering from sickness or are you just feeling shitty?

Have you tried talking to him about the fact he’s making you feel like a baby machine and not his equal partner in this? Voice your feelings and see if that helps.

I get the resentment thing because I felt the same way with my OH even though we both wanted this baby. I was bed ridden with nausea and his life resumed as normal, it made me envy him and even dislike him because I felt like he really didn’t understand what I was going through. I don’t think men ever really do!

Original poster

Nojudgments · 04/04/2021 13:35

Thanks for your reply , I have told him that and he said that makes him feel sad because that's not the case at all , and no I've not suffered at all I don't even feel pregnant tbh apart from the bloat , and constant hormones , physically I'm fine , it's just the fact of don't carry this don't do that , u can't have wine with dinner now , have u eaten u need to eat 3 times a day , yet he doesn't eat 3 times a day and Ive a BMI of 33 as it is so I really don't need to eat 3 times a day 🙄

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 04/04/2021 13:38

You do not need to continue on with this pregnancy if you don't want to, op. You have control here.

Worriesome · 04/04/2021 13:54

Tell him you don’t have to eat 3 times a day - and not do you have to eat for two. There are plenty of websites that reference this and you should show him them. Eat if you’re hungry and keep hydrated. No need to force food down you x

ivfbeenbusy · 04/04/2021 16:06

I feel a bit sorry for him that you are taking the excitement away from it all for him since he didn't exactly "force" you to have his baby unless he gave you an ultimatum or emotionally blackmailed you some how? I think it's sweet he's so interested/considerate about pregnancy related things as most men couldn't give a monkeys but I imagine it might get a bit irritating after a while since this isn't your first pregnancy so you know what you are doing

Maybe just a gentle conversation to that effect?

FeistySheep · 04/04/2021 16:28

Sorry OP - sounds really tough 😔

As you've tried asking him nicely to stop hassling you, maybe you need to step it up a notch? Insist he stops telling you what to eat and what to do. Remind him you've had three children before so you do know what you're doing!
He is definitely overdoing the 'concern', if that's what it is. Or he's misdirecting it? How would you like him to behave? If you'd find it better, maybe ask him to just say 'how are you feeling today?' and 'is there anything I can get for you?' and 'would you like a foot rub?'

SunnySideUp2020 · 04/04/2021 17:24

It sounds like you resent your partner for being so invested and so happy about the pregnancy because you aren't yourself.
It's understandable having had your DC before, and knowing that pregnancy is not the bliss people like to describe, but more a time full of constraints where you aren't really yourself and the getting huge part later on...
I have had this phase but for different reasons (morning sickness mainly) and felt really annoyed at the comments you mention but deep down i knew it was how i was feeling that was spoiling the whole thing and all the attention DH was giving me. At the end of the day for some men it is such a big deal, a special moment.
It's important to talk about it though. You don't want your relationship to suffer... i am sure if you explained how his behaviour makes you feel it would help. You could find a compromise.
However if you really don't want another baby, it would be best to be honest about it...

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