Feel so low

[PineappleSnoz]

I had a blazing argument via text with my boyfriend earlier because I am really struggling with how my body is changing since getting pregnant and I am upset with his reaction. He does nothing to reassure me that I am ok and basically said its all in my head which I don't think is a useful comment right now, I feel like if he bothered to go on any parenting site aimed at dads, he would read about how women need reassurance etc.
For a moment I gave him the benefit of the doubt and calmed myself down, I apologised that I was being irrational and hormonal and explained to him exactly how I was feeling to try and help him understand but his reaction was to continue as before, its all in my head, I am talking rubbish etc. Things escalated and I said it wouldn't kill him to recognise that I am really hormonal at the moment and try being nice instead of making me feel worse. He then said he wasn't coming over to mine so I told him that was fine and to stay away. He hasn't been in touch since.
I am really hurt that he knows how upset I was, that I am carrying his baby and none of this was enough for him to text back to check if I was alright and try to make amends. this probably all sounds really over the top and dramatic but my hormones are all over the place, my iron is extremely low so I am exhausted and I still don't feel great from all the pregnancy symptoms. I just thought explaining how I am feeling to him might make him realise how vulnerable I am and he would show some kindness or back down a bit. Before I was pregnant he would tell me my hair looked nice or compliment me on my make up/clothes so he is perfectly capable of doing so.

I don't want to split up with him or anything but equally I don't want to be anywhere near him. I am going to sleep on it and if I still feel the same in the morning and he hasn't been in touch I am going to tell him I still don't want to see him.
I don't know what I am expecting from this post, I guess I just feel sad and lonely. The one person who is supposed to love me no matter what and help me through tough times couldn't give a crap and that really hurts. Equally if the shoe was on the other foot I would be upset that I had hurt his feelings and want to put things right. It makes me feel like I don't matter

It's difficult to judge as we see no text, but rather, one side's perception of it.
Comments like "rubbish" and "it's all in your head" are often made to reassure the person. For example "I feel I'm ugly" "Rubbish!“ (=you are not ugly)
Was your problem the imperfect wording? Or did he really pursue the goal of making you feel worse?

Same with not coming over. If you are berating someone and saying how they are making you feel worse, the person may be at a loss and think they better not provoke you anymore.

You are sending mixed signals - you told him to stay away, and are blaming him for staying away.

Be direct and say exactly what you want him to do, instead of hoping he will read your mind. Only ask him to do things you really want.

Also healthy relationships exist within clear limits (no violence, no cheating etc). No one is supposed to love you no matter what.

I'm sure he'll be in touch today, he probably just wanted to help you calm down or leave you to get some sleep. What is it you'd like him to say, or tell you? Do you want him to give positive comments on your body or reassure you in other ways like being more romantic / making you feel more special in other ways? I only say this because if he wasn't good at doing those things before, pregnancy won't change that - as much as you'd like it to.

I've had similar concerns about my body changing and it was only by being completely honest about then with my OH that I started to feel a bit better about myself. He still makes jokes about my belly but I'm feeling more confident in myself now it's more bump than the awkward bloat / too much dinner phase, so I joke with him. I wish he'd tell me he loves my growing body, but I don't think he will and I don't want to put pressure on him to say things he thinks I want to hear, I'd prefer him to say it because he feels it... however I do know he appreciates what my body is doing and is in awe of how it's changing so quickly at this stage.

My OH doesn't use an app of do his own research either, but I'm hoping to get him listening to some audio books for dad's to be soon, but this is more to connect him to the pregnancy and what's happening and for guidance for him in labour / after baby is born than anything else. It's something he can do on his commute, so not an extra thing he has to make time for.

Thank you for you nice replies. I cried a lot last night and barely ate anything all day. I know I sound ridiculous but I feel really overwhelmed by all these emotions and it just feels like he doesn't care at all.
I guess its not necessarily compliments I am after (although he did used to give me them pre pregnancy) I just felt like he was brushing off everything I felt as stupid. He kept using the phrase that it was all in my head which I think wound me up. I was really open about feeling vulnerable and self conscious and asked him to be nice and he wouldn't. He still hasn't been in touch today but I can see he has been online. it just hurts that he couldn't even text to say "I don't want to argue, just want to check you are ok" or something along those lines. I guess I just want him to act like he cares. He won't have sex with me since I am pregnant which is fine, I get that some men find it weird but I need some physical contact. I guess a lot of it is fear, I am scared he won't find me attractive any more or that this is too much for our relationship and it will tear us apart.
I have 2 older kids already from a past abusive relationship. i think this pregnancy is stirring up a lot of the frightening stuff that happened then. Again i have told him that but I don't think he gets it. I have been very open about that relationship and he knows how much it damaged me and everything my ex did. My brain often goes in to lockdown mode and I know I begin to shut him out because I know I won't let myself down.

My DP is very much one of those people who will go on youtube and forums to learn any new skill he wants. He fixes his car using youtube tutorials, he has done DIY projects from learning new skills. If he doesn't know the answer to something he will seek it out. I am a bit upset he hasn't applied that logic to the pregnancy.

I know I am being a little OTT but equally he knows how much my emotions have been all over the place and I feel like he acts like I am a burden. Everyone tells him how wonderful he is and he has a god like complex but they don't see the moody teenager behind closed doors who can be impossible to live with at times.

He would never hurt me or cheat on me. I can say that for sure. He isnt a bad person I am just hurt that he can be so cold. We have had arguments like this in the past where we haven't seen each other for a day or 2 and he always turns up out of the blue and acts like nothing has happened- this doesn't happen very often, maybe 3 times in a 7 year relationship. I just don't think I can do that this time. He is like a comedian so getting him to take things seriously is really hard. He just makes me laugh and thinks everything is ok again.

It seems like taking things lightly is part of his personality. It may be just as hard to change that as it is for you to change yourself. You can sure make some steps, and expect him to be able to make some steps. But it's also important to ask yourself if you can accept the partner as he is. Isn't it what you also crave, acceptance? You have been together for seven years. Have you spent seven years hoping for a fundamental change? Has he spent seven years hoping you would turn into someone else?

I do believe there should be a fundamental acceptance of your partner before you even begin a relationship. If something truly is unacceptable, this person is not for you. Or are his shortcomings something you can tolerate? Remember, you also have shortcomings. Does he tolerate them or is he trying to force a change on you?

People can grow and heal if course. You may both change for the better as you mature. But it usually happens when the person is ready and feels supported, not when he is not ready and feels accosted.

As for physical intimacy, this is simpler. Just invite him round and say "hug me" or "hug me more often, I really enjoy it when you do it".