Caring for niece HELP

[miami2]

Hi all

I am due in mid October and when my SIL returns to work again in April I will be caring for my niece again on a Friday (she's nearly 2).

At what point do I ask for a bit of time off? I'm thinking towards the end when I'm a whale lol and a bit of time off when the baby is here so I can have time with just my family to rest and bond etc.

I feel terrible as I've not spent much time with my niece due to covid and don't know how much time is reasonable as she will have to use annual leave and potentially other family members to help with childcare for the weeks I am not available.

What do you think?

TIA

Is she paying you? Is this a long term arrangement?

Of course it's fine. I'd probably tell her my maternity leave dates and say I won't be available for that whole time. I assume she is paying you, so treat it as if you are a commercial childminder going on maternity leave.

If she's not paying you, then a day a week is a heck of a lot to do for a sister, but maybe you have unusual circumstances you don't mention.

Either way, tell her what YOU want and she will need to find alternatives. You seem very kind, but it will be time to put yourself first soon, and you have no responsibility for her daughter.

I have not mentioned probably a key price of information. I already have a 3YOD who my SIL looks after on a Monday. However this will be ending in September when she goes to nursery full time. So she has helped me out for 3 years and I have helped her out for 2 (minus the covid restrictions). We don't pay each other as it is a like for like deal if that make sense. I am happy to keep caring for my niece even though my daughter is in full time care as I feel lots only fair.

Who's did the situation arise that your SIL was looking after your DD before she had hers? What 'break' did she have when she had her DD?
Are there 'cultural norms' we need to take into consideration? Grandparents/other family that can help?

Do you feel you 'owe' her a year old childcare?

Did your SIL look after your older daughter while she was pregnant/had a newborn?

Ahh I see! So you feel you owe your sister another year, kind of thing. Well what is your niece like to look after? If you get towards the end of pregnancy will she sit quietly and draw stuff / play in the garden on her own etc? Or is she very full on?

Would have thought you need to stop around 38 weeks at minimum, but maybe sooner - depends on niece and how you think you'll feel when heavily pregnant - what were you like last time? And at least several weeks with just your new baby and no niece. I don't think you can commit to a certain timeframe though, as you don't know how full on / difficult your new baby might be.

If no other family members can step in short term, I guess she'll need to arrange paid for childcare temporarily while you focus on the new baby. Then you can 'pay her back' the extra year at a later time?

My niece is very full on lol but I don't feel like I can make a decision based on that as it don't seem fair. I'm so torn.

I booked a lot of leave and got help from my mum as well when my SIL was pregnant to cover as many Mondays as possible as my daughter was only a year old at the time and my SIL was having a planned section. I've tried looking back on old texts and can't find dates for when this started and for how long this went on for. I'm thinking must of been a few weeks before and at least 8 weeks after.

I do feel like I owe her and she has helped me out loads.

She offered to have my daughter on a Monday and she doesn't work and by the time I was returning to work from maternity she was already pregnant so the plan was for me to do the same for her when her maternity was up.

Her mum is off on a Friday but I feel bad as I have made the commitment and passing it on feels like I'm not keeping up my side of the bargain x

I've just found a text. It was 15 weeks. 4 weeks before and 11 afterwards.

Does that sound reasonable even though I probably won't be having a section?

I guess it's different for every baby, but it certainly seems a good starting basis. Could you tell her you'll aim for that, but want to stay flexible in case of a difficult baby etc?

I don't think you are not keeping up your side of the bargain just by having a hiatus - you are still intending to repay the same amount of time in total aren't you. I'm sure she'll understand.

Yes definitely going to continue just didn't want to come across as being unreasonable by asking for too much time off.

Thanks for all your responses x