Found out I'm having a boy- dd will be 10. Sharing rooms????

[indigo27]

Hey
So my daughter is turning ten in October and baby is due September.
She was very keen on sharing her room with her younger sibling but we have just found out we're having a boy and partner and I don't know if this is fair to her as she's getting older etc. Of course baby will probably be in our room for at least a year so we have time to organise, I'm just a worrier!
We know we're going to need to move but atm it's not possible. She has the largest bedroom of the two so plenty of room in there just not sure....
wanted to get some reassurance from any other mummies who's children have shared- any tips? Space saving ideas?

The sex of the children isn't the issue, I don't think when she's in secondary school she should be sharing a room with a baby.

If it's only for a few months as you say then probably easier to just keep him in your room for those extra few months?

If it’s for two months that’s fine, but I am unsure why it would be for two months?

It’s an age thing, it’s not fair she gets the disrupted sleep, has to sneak into her room due to different bed times, tries not to wake the baby whilst he will wake her, and cause her sleep issues that will likely impact her ability to do her school work and she also looses all privacy at an age where she is starting to need it.

You will need to keep your son in with you both until you’re able to move. As said, your choice to have the baby, so with that you need to take the inconvenience associated with the baby of having him in your room, not make it her problem.

If you’re planning to move in the next five years then this is fine.

My 15 year old girl and 5 year old boy share. I split the room as best I can. We don't have a choice. It's not ideal, she doesn't complain. He understands what is her side of the room. Just have to cope with what you have sometimes.

Sorry OP but PP are right. You will need to keep DS in with you until you move.

Toddlers break older kids toys. Keep different hours and generally are very different creatures

The first 6 months baby will be in with you at least, even if it means you swap the rooms over so you have the bigger room and put the cot in there.

TBH I think that would be fine until baby is about 2, and moves into a bed, possibly longer if you use a cotbed.
Which gives you time to have your Mat leave before you increase your outgoings with a bigger house. And a bit of time to look for your ideal house.

I've been in the position of your daughter, except the toddler was a girl. There's 13 years between us

Honestly? It was absolutely fine. But then I can't remember a time where I didn't share a room with my younger sister (11 when youngest sis was born). There was also no choice about having the three of us in one room. As for sleepless nights? I slept through each and every one of my youngest sister's wake ups. However, I do know that my younger sister got up with her in the night.

Besides, if it's only going to be for a few months, then there's no real problem. It might not be ideal, but at least it's temporary.

If it's a couple of months then you have him in with you?

A very short period of time may be ok, but i agree best option would be to keep the little one with you until you can move, my 13 year old will happily have our four year old in his room for the odd night but no way would it work as an every day thing

@folloyourarro

If it's a couple of months then you have him in with you?

Agreed. It seems beyond daft to move him into her room if it's for only a few months.

She may say she wants to share but she's an only child whose had no experience sharing with a sibling. She has rpse tinted glasses on with what she thinks the experience will be like. I suspect once baby is here and she understands how loud they are and how much they wake up she suddenly won't be so keen on the idea.

Our youngest arrived 3 weeks before the oldest's 9th birthday. One of the things they asked for was a baby gate to stop wandering toddler breaking their things. Your DD will have small things, hair clips, lego etc, fragile things like make up, ornaments with sentimental value and important things like secondary school homework. We had to padlock the older one's bag shut when toddler tried to copy her brother and "write" on his English homework that he'd just put away in his bag.

Also remember that your oldest will want to sleep later where the littley will be up for the day any time from 3.30am onwards and in the night until well after age 2 (bitter experience). How would you stop the older one being woken up? Where would she do homework as she gets into Years 8, 9, 10 and has more homework to do into the evening? There's no way I'd have my 11 year old and 2 year old sharing.

I agree with the other posters it is the age gap that is the biggest problem not that they are different genders. The baby is likely to have a much earlier bedtime, wake up during the night or very early, whereas your dd can stay up later and at that age I was doing my homework in my room and had started to use my room to chill out and relax , reading or listening to music. A 10 year old me would have hated having a little kids touch my stuff and invade my space. I would swap rooms with your dd now so you have the largest room and can keep the baby in with you for longer, at some point you will need to move if extending isn't an option.

If baby isn't due until September and then he's in with you for 6mos then really this isn't going to be an issue for at least another year. Plenty of time to decide what the long term plan is and get somewhere that has more flexible space that works for all of you.

I agree it's the age gap rather than the sex that means this just isn't a go-er. If your DD is an only child this is going to be a massive shake up for her regardless of where he sleeps- she's asking to share because she doesn't actually understand how that'll impact her longer term. It might be different if she already shared with a sibling or had done previously, but even then a ten year gap means they have very different needs and schedules.

I have a 12 and 13 year old boy and girl sharing a room. We only have 2 bedrooms so don't have a choice. We have partitioned the room off with Ikea Billy bookcases so they have some privacy. It isn't ideal but actually they get on with it quite well.
We want to move but right now it isn't an option, also have a 3rd baby on on the way just to make things interesting!

None of us are that worried, we just tend to muddle our way through things and will figure something out. Baby will probs be in with us until we can afford to move.

If it’s just a few months, just keep them in your room a few more months.

Ds is 11 months. He’s still sharing our room although I have just finished doing up his own room. He still doesn’t sleep through, and we are happy he just shares a while longer. He literally only sleeps in the cot at night as won’t nap daytime in cot anyway ( use pram)