What do you wish your partner would do or did during your pregnancy to support you?

[mike90]

Hi. My astonishing wife is 18 weeks pregnant and I am very eager to learn from any mummy's willing to teach; what you wish your partner knew, understood or did during your pregnancy.

I'm a fully qualified nursery nurse, however haven't worked in that setting for 10 years. So would appreciate any knowledge or experience you may have for my guidance.

I'm never going to know what it's like to be pregnant, heck I can't even get a cold without being bed ridden.

I'd really like to be able to help and support my beautiful soul mate the best I can. So I'm humbling asking you all what would have made or would make your life much easier, if your partner could do the small and big things intuitively to help the pregnancy be as less stressful as possible.

I would appreciate any and all feedback,
Thank you,
X

Just ask her. Everyone is different. I had PGP and was told by a physio not to Hoover so DH did that until I was able to take over a share. I also appreciated his patience when I needed a hand out of bed to go to the loo for the 11 millionth time that night. It was also little things that showed he cared and was thinking of me. Texting me through the day to ask how me and baby were, picking up some food that I had actually showed an interest in and it didn't make me want to hurl and most memorably trekking to 3 different supermarkets to find me crushed ice. When it wasn't to be found he bought ordinary ice and smashed it up for me.

Pregnancy is a very individual experience, a woman who has more than one pregnancy may experience each one differently so take your queues from her.

You sound very caring. I would take your cues from her as everyone is different. When I was sick in the first trimester my husband did all the cooking and washing up which was a huuuge help. After that I didn’t really need anything from him until now with only 2 weeks to go. I’m in a lot of pain with limited movement and so he’s doing all the chores again, bringing me breakfast in bed as it takes me a while to get up.
The biggest thing for me throughout though has been that he’s spontaneously complemented me and my body a lot when he knows I’m feeling low or finding body changes challenging. Not just when I moan about it. He’s often telling me how much he loves my changing body, how much he appreciates all the sacrifices etc. And also is super involved with talking to the baby and touching my bump which makes me feel like we’re really in it together.
Everyone is different though, I imagine you will notice what she’s finding hard.
Congrats! Sounds like you’ll be a great dad and partner

It’s nice that you posted, I wish my partner would just bloody ask me and I’ll give him a list but he doesn’t ask!

Personally I’d just like plenty of cups of tea, back massages, belly rubs, to be made a fuss of because I’m doing a huge thing!

Oh and if she has any cravings - definitely keep them well stocked!

My partner did a lot of “why don’t you go and sit down and I’ll cook dinner” which I liked as it’s more willing than “do you want me to do anything” as I’m stubborn and probably would have just said no ha. But it is good to ask if she’s less stubborn than I am!
Learn some nice mocktail recipes and surprise her with one at the weekend - It’ll be super refreshing for her as the weather gets hotter and it’s nice to have something a bit special. Especially if she’s missing a gin like I did ☺️
Oh and right at the end when I was mega fed up he did me a foot spa

I'm not sure what you already do in terms of chores etc but doing/helping with the housework, food shopping and cooking without having to be told. Generally being intuitive to how she is feeling that day both mentally and physically (it can vary lots day to day or even hour to hour 😂). Taking an interest in the baby shopping when it comes to that time.

Keep out of my way most of the time, he's military so can do that. Other than that do things when I ask not when he thinks it needs doing, eg empty the bins our ideas of a "full" bin are completely different.

NEVER eat the last [insert snack/food here]!

This isnt about pregnancy as such but I really wish (and begrudge) the fact that dp didnt respect or stay true to our boundaries after the birth. I had a emergency c section and asked that no one came over for the recovery time whilst I struggled to comprehend the fact I couldnt walk or hold my baby. Lone behold the whole of his family and family friends came over to see dc and he didnt out his foot down and say no. Believe it or not I think it's the after birth thing that gets taking for granted, and I strongly believe it is the most vulnerable time for a woman. Yet for some reason once she has popped the baby out all consideration for her goes out the window and it becomes all about the baby.

I wished my hubby would bring me some water when I was chucking up. All he did was shut the bathroom door, so he didn't have to hear it. But he did massage my feet and rub my back a lot.

Generally pull your weight more I reckon. Assume if your wife is still working that you're splitting the chores equally, but if you want to do more than your half I'm sure she'd appreciate it. She is probably a bit more tired than usual even in the second trimester (the easiest bit), so if she tends to be tired in the evenings then cook dinner more, or if it's the housework that tires her then do more of that.

Also massages are absolutely the best thing ever. Back/neck/feet. Even if she isn't especially sore/achy, it will make her feel loved and cared for.

But for specific needs that she has (rather than generic ones for every pregnant woman ever) you will need to ask her what extra things you can take on to offset the extra work she's doing growing the baby :)

I would ask as even though I almost asked my husband to cut my toenails last week I managed myself in the end :) Non personal care tasks he is good at like doing most the cooking and cleaning and that is great. I wish he'd do some independent thinking about things like baby names, the best carseats and where my daughter will go when we are at the hospital as that is all on me.

Definitely ask her but for me important things were/are:

• humouring me when I’m being slightly ridiculous (eg not getting shitty when I’m crying about the recycling)
• pandering to my whims/cravings/aversions (within reason)
• taking over the chores I’m struggling with
• respecting my physical boundaries
• taking an interest but not under any circumstances attempting to mansplain any areas of pregnancy/childbirth and essentially trusting me and listening to me about my body

Don't laugh at her or take the piss out of her if she wants to go to bed at 7pm

Believe how she says she feels and don't compare her to other pregnant women or her past self. If she feels fine, don't keep suggesting she rests. If she feels crap, don't tell her Mrs X ran a marathon and gave birth at the finish line.

The best thing my husband does is tells me he appreciates all the hard work I'm putting in growing our child. Even when that hard work involves lying in bed all day!

My husband has been really great, he asks what I want doing on the weekend. He let's me lie in, gets up with our toddler and tries to get all jobs done before 11. I really really wake up feeling 100x better when it's done and I can relax.

Also everyday is like pulling symptoms out of a hat and sometimes we just want to vent about it. Even though it's boring to listen to, please don't ignore her venting by being distracted on your phone. That's the only thing that drives me nuts with dh.