MMC

[Conundrum12345]

Today in what should have been my 9 weeks scan no heartbeat was discovered. The fetus was measuring at 6 weeks (I had a scan at 6 5 and all was ok)

I have another scan for next week and the midwife said I may miscarry naturally or they will start procedure next week. I'm just heartbroken

It breaks my heart to read you're going through this. This happened with my first but a few weeks later along.
I, unfortunately, needed multiple surgical interventions (I had retained products and nobody believed me but I pushed and pushed and they finally realised I was right!)
It then took what felt like ages (2ish months, constantly thinking something had gone wrong) for my body to restart. I then, after a month or two got pregnant and had a CP straight away.

I tell you this as I feared I would never carry a baby to term.

I also tell you this as I sit watching my baby who I conceived straight after the CP.

Please give your body the kindness it needs and it will be difficult but even if you think all hope is lost, you still have every chance I truly remember being where you are and all the worry and doubt for the last year or so.

You will come out the other end, don't ever think all hope is gone.

awwww @Conundrum12345 i am so so sorry to read this:( the one thing aboutMN is you have lots of people who totally get where you are coming from and lots of virtual support.
It's proper awful finding this out at a scan, in autumn last year (i was 37) we found out at 10.5 weeks that no HB and baby probably didnt get much past 6 weeks. unfortunately for us, due to size, they said i might have just got my dates wrong (no way) so basically had to wait a week to be rescanned. Even tho they believed me re dates, it is NHS policy to have to check again to allow time for growth. I was supported amazingly by the local EPU and given lots of info, however, before i made a decision on management, ended up miscarrying naturally a few days later. Whilst finding out no HB on a scan was the worst time ever, looking back - i'm nowpartly relieved i had some time to come to terms with it before miscarried.
it's absolutely nothing u have done or not done, this is just one of those sh*t things about life :(
I'd say take plenty of paracetamol if it happens naturally - it was like baaad period pains for me, but hot water bottle and painkillers helped. Give yourself plenty of time and space, and dont put pressure on yourself to just go back to work/study etc - its tough emotionally and physically.
whilst it was a proper head mess for a while, happy to say that 2nd cycle back TTC we got pregnant and now 16 weeks and so far so good.
good luck with everything, and so sorry youve got to go through this, but fingers crossed when u r ready to TTC again that everything will be fine x

@WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot1

It breaks my heart to read you're going through this. This happened with my first but a few weeks later along. I, unfortunately, needed multiple surgical interventions (I had retained products and nobody believed me but I pushed and pushed and they finally realised I was right!) It then took what felt like ages (2ish months, constantly thinking something had gone wrong) for my body to restart. I then, after a month or two got pregnant and had a CP straight away.

I tell you this as I feared I would never carry a baby to term.

I also tell you this as I sit watching my baby who I conceived straight after the CP.

Please give your body the kindness it needs and it will be difficult but even if you think all hope is lost, you still have every chance I truly remember being where you are and all the worry and doubt for the last year or so.

You will come out the other end, don't ever think all hope is gone.

Thank you so much for your message. It fills me with so much hope. I'm so sorry you had to go through all that after your MMC.

Is a CP a d&c? Was your recovery long?

@leftitlate37

awwww *@Conundrum12345* i am so so sorry to read this:( the one thing aboutMN is you have lots of people who totally get where you are coming from and lots of virtual support. It's proper awful finding this out at a scan, in autumn last year (i was 37) we found out at 10.5 weeks that no HB and baby probably didnt get much past 6 weeks. unfortunately for us, due to size, they said i might have just got my dates wrong (no way) so basically had to wait a week to be rescanned. Even tho they believed me re dates, it is NHS policy to have to check again to allow time for growth. I was supported amazingly by the local EPU and given lots of info, however, before i made a decision on management, ended up miscarrying naturally a few days later. Whilst finding out no HB on a scan was the worst time ever, looking back - i'm nowpartly relieved i had some time to come to terms with it before miscarried. it's absolutely nothing u have done or not done, this is just one of those sh*t things about life :( I'd say take plenty of paracetamol if it happens naturally - it was like baaad period pains for me, but hot water bottle and painkillers helped. Give yourself plenty of time and space, and dont put pressure on yourself to just go back to work/study etc - its tough emotionally and physically. whilst it was a proper head mess for a while, happy to say that 2nd cycle back TTC we got pregnant and now 16 weeks and so far so good. good luck with everything, and so sorry youve got to go through this, but fingers crossed when u r ready to TTC again that everything will be fine x

Thank you. We're in a similar boat re week wait. As my first scan was done in a private clinic with only a picture they have to wait the week.

Hello OP - firstly I am so sorry you are going through this.
My first pregnancy ended in MMC in September - I was 13 weeks and had scans at 8 and 10 weeks, all fine, and our baby’s heart had stopped at the 13 week scan but was measuring perfectly.
Due to the gestation I couldn’t have natural or surgical management so medical was my only option.
My experience was pretty rough - I took a tablet on the Saturday to stop progesterone then was admitted for the day on the Monday. I had 4 doses of oral medication which induced contractions, this did give me side effects such as vomiting, diarrhoea and uncontrollable shaking however the midwife told me I needed a much higher dose and most medical management is OK to happen at home.
The only thing I would say if you opt for natural or medical management is be prepared to see what comes out ... it can be traumatic associating blood, tissues etc with your little baby.

I struggled a lot mentally after our MMC & found a lot of help and support online - the miscarriage association run zoom support groups, and if you’re in. Scotland there’s an amazing charity called Simba.

We decided to try again in November and got pregnant in Dec - currently 15 weeks and so far everything is ok.

I am so, so sorry this happened to you. I hope you can manage it in the easiest way possible for you, and please try to stay positive. Remember though that this was your much wanted baby and it’s absolutely ok to grieve and remember them how you wish to. Much love x

So the surgical management (which I had two of) is a D&C.

I then took a while for my periods to restart. When they did, I got pregnant within two months, but had a CP - chemical pregnancy (I basically miscarried a few days after the tests) then from that miscarriage I got pregnant straight away and I carried that baby to term and am now a proud mum.

It's frustrating when you feel you have a clock running out and struggles with fertility but when people say to you it will still happen, please believe them. Easier said than done in your current position, I know! But please believe your body is more resilient than you think.

Great to hear so many positive stories on here @SkyBlue20 that's so lovely that on the anniversary you're looking at your baby in your arms. I keep desperately clinging onto hope that that will be me otherwise I don't know how I'll cope with the dates/milestones. Hope you're holding up ok OP xx

Hi OP, so sorry to hear about your MMC

I had one in February last year. It was discovered at my 12 week scan, baby was only measuring about 7 weeks. I'd had a scan at 6 and a half weeks and all was well. It was such a shock, especially as I still had all the symptoms. I opted for surgical management. My period returned bang on 27 days later and I didn't find the recovery to be too bad. Currently 36 weeks pregnant with my rainbow baby . It'll not be anything you have done so please don't think like that x

Thank you all for your kind messages.

If this happens again is it ok to have more than one d&c in a lifetime? I just want to give my body as much chance as possible

I had a MMC last July. We'd had two perfect scans and then at 10 and a half weeks there was no heartbeat. Because of Covid we did management at home and, being honest, it was the most excruciating pain. It was literally on a par with labour, but no painkillers to deal with it as I'd vomited them up (vomiting is a side effect). Whilst it was nice to be at home, that's about all I can say was good in the process. The whole thing was pretty traumatic.

I've just had another miscarriage and had retained products (this miscarriage started naturally at 8 weeks) and the D&C was great. Staff were lovely, procedure was super quick and minimal pain.

Have a think about what you want to do, but do consider a D&C if it is on offer, although it may be that managing at home is ok and not too bad.

Sending hugs - it's a horrible position to be in.

@Conundrum12345

Thank you all for your kind messages.

If this happens again is it ok to have more than one d&c in a lifetime? I just want to give my body as much chance as possible

I had two D&Cs and managed to conceive a very healthy baby, so yes you will be ok

Yes, I’ve also also had two D&Cs also, now 32 weeks and keeping everything crossed!

Thanks all. Its very hard to process this since I still have symptoms. I just want them to end. I really feel like such a failure :(

It’s perfectly normal to feel like a failure but you shouldn’t - and in time as you heal you will feel better and will realise that you are NOT a failure.

Unfortunately due to a lack of research and funding we often don’t get to find out what caused a miscarriage, and that makes it especially hard for women to deal with I think.

I found it really helpful to start taking a few things for my next pregnancy in case it was beneficial, and it helped me feel more in control. I have pcos so felt even more like I needed extra help.

I take metformin (for pcos insulin resistance) myo inositol (for insulin resistance and also helped me ovulate), methylfolate instead of folic acid (natural form of folate) and 150mg aspirin xxx

As above, perfectly natural to feel this way. I still do, and I still grieve the lost baby (the MMC, not so much the CP as that was just a flash) however, I feel a little more ok with it knowing I wouldn't have the baby I have now had it not been for the horrible series of events that led to them. And I couldn't imagine a more perfect baby.

Something will come along and it will help you find a different perspective, as difficult as that seems at the moment. (And people saying it happens for a reason does not help! But when you find your own reason, you start to find peace - not all the time, there will be wobbles, but it will help)

Hi.

I’m so sorry for you and your baby. I had a MMC in November, diagnosed at my 12 week scan. I was totally convinced it was my fault (drinking too much coffee, eating the wrong cheese, not getting enough sleep, being too stressed, standing up for too long in a presentation) but I realise now that there was almost certainly nothing I could have done to change the outcome.

After I found out at the scan, I was offered, and agreed to surgical management but oddly my miscarriage started naturally within 24 hours - like now my brain knew my body caught up. I found the worst bit the part where I knew my baby was still inside. It was oddly therapeutic to complete the miscarriage and start to ready myself for my next steps.

I took a week off work. And I really needed that time. It feels like grief, like someone I love has died. Even now if I talk about it get tearful but I try not to stop talking about it or thinking about it and I just allow myself to be upset. Try to find some space for you to process it and to be upset and talk to your partner or whoever about how you’re feeling and your feelings of guilt. It will help in the long run.

It makes me feel very sad to imagine how you’re feeling because I know how devastating it is. I hope you have people to listen and understand.

As a side note really - I’m now pregnant again, but only 7 weeks - so I’m feeling lots of apprehension again. But all of the other posters here who have had full term pregnancies post miscarriage give me lots of hope and remind me that these things happen but it’s most likely that the next pregnancy will be healthy.

Lots of love to you.

Hi @Conundrum12345

I'm not sure if anyone has pointed you in the direction of this yet, but I've found this thread really useful:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/1344311-Tips-for-coping-with-the-practicalities-of-miscarriage

Thinking of you x

Thanks all for your messages. I still haven't experienced any bleeding although some more regular cramping.