Unplanned pregnancy- don't know what to do

[Username7383]

I'm 24, been with my partner for 2 years (living with them for 1 year) and I'm pregnant.
I don't know what to do. On one side I've always wanted to have a baby and frequently broody, and I never thought I'd consider an abortion unless of certain circumstances. On the other side, my partner absolutely does not want this baby. He says he isn't mentally, physically, or financially ready for a baby. I feel guilty for wanting to keep it.
If i could go back in time and stop myself getting pregnant then I would, but now that I'm pregnant it doesn't feel like I could get an abortion.
Both options seem terrible. Anytime I come close to a decision, i freak out and come away from it, back where I was before.
Is there anyone on here who have had similar experiences or were just generally unsure what to do and how they feel now?

Hi OP, what I will say is follow your heart. If you have or terminate this baby will your relationship survive either way? Do what you think is best for you, there is help out there if you decide to go this alone. I had a termination at 22 and it was the hardest thing I ever did. It was right for me at the time though. Think long and hard OP. It’s your body that has to go through either wry, it’s your emotional state that also has to go through either way. Sending you lots of strength and love xx

I’m sorry I don’t have the answer but just wanted to say go with your gut. Your partner is entitled to not be ready for a baby. And you are entitled to keep it if you want to. Both are valid emotions. I would say if you are at any point unsure then termination would not be a good option. If you terminate purely for your partners benefit, you may find you resent him in the months/years to come. If you keep the baby and you split as a result, yes things will be hard but you may have split down the line anyway. It’s a hard choice and I don’t envy you at all. I am currently in the process of a medical abortion for different circumstances. We already have two children and both agreed we cannot continue with this pregnancy. However if I changed my mind at any point I would expect my partner to accept this xx

Go with your gut. What was he doing to prevent a pregnancy?

Thanks for the response. Its hard knowing that either way i go, our relationship might not make it and this is the man i wanted to marry in the future. One reason that i feel i should terminate it is our finances are in a bad place, we're in a one bed house with no money to get a bigger place, and i don't have a full time job. And if i did keep the baby, I wouldn't be able to afford childcare when i did get a job.
I moved over an hour away from my family and friends to live with my partner, so i wouldn't have much support. I don't know how much support i would get from my partner considering how he feels at the moment, and i couldn't just rely on his family- more would be needed.
Its like i have all these logical reasons to terminate but my heart tells me not to. Plus i would be worried about my mental health as I've had trouble with it in the past.
Its all a big mess, wish everything was much simpler.

Also we usually use condoms but we both got caught up in the moment. We're both to blame there

If you are not 100% sure about getting a termination it's probably not the right decision for you. You have to be sure it is what YOU want to be able to live with it.
He may be daunted by becoming a father when he doesn't feel prepared but it's tough really, he'll have to get ready.

Our 1st was unplanned, we'd only been together just over a year when we found out but we were engaged. He threw his toys out of the pram about it but I couldn't terminate and I was willing to go ahead with or without him. 16 years later we're expecting baby number 6, still like him (most of the time lol).

Oh and on the finances front. We were only 19 & 20. I lived with my parents until I was 35wk pregnant, he's military so was living on a ship and deployed for most of the pregnancy. It was extremely tough financially in the early years, we rented at 1st but bought our house when dd was a year old. He worked his way up the ranks and it got easier as the years went on. I've been a sahm for over a decade now and we are comfortable on a single wage. Our only debt is the mortgage, we run 2 cars and have a dog on top of all the kids. We were forced to get better with money management and we made it work.
Yes you have to sacrifice some things but you can still have a lot of life's luxuries along the way. If you want to make it work, you will.

Oh darling I'm so sorry you're in this situation. I completely see how you're finding this so difficult.

I think it's important for you to look at the outcome that will come from either decision.
If you have an abortion, you'll feel such resentment towards your partner and you may find it hard to stay together but if you keep the baby, he may not want to stay.

My advice from the above is that if you do decide to keep this baby and your partner decides not to be with you because of it then perhaps he isn't the one. As you say, you're both 'to blame' but it's happened now and you both need to look forward.

If you so decide to keep this baby I promise you that it won't always be financially challenging. I have friends that have been in worse financial situations and have fallen pregnant, had the baby and within a few years they have turned it around and managed to come out the other side. With the right support and help, you can do it.

Whatever you decide, make sure you do what's right for you in your heart xx

Thank you all so much, you have no idea how much this is helping me.
I've always felt that finances that can change and just because its not great now, doesn't mean it can't improve. However my partner is very black and white about everything, plus i think he's trying to find every possible reason not to keep it.
Its great hearing other experiences as the internet is either giving me examples of women who 100% kmew they didn't want it, or decided to terminate because they had only been with their partner a few months which doesn't really help me!

I fell pregnant with our first when we had been together 7 weeks (known each other 10 years beforehand) termination wasn’t even discussed by either us even though I was 19, both living at home with parents, financially not great even though we both worked full time. Possibly the worst circumstances to have a baby and we made it work. 11 years later we have two children, bought a house, both worked our way into better jobs and financially we are comfortable. Not mega money but we are happy and have holidays, days out etc. We find ourselves pregnant again now and both certain abortion is the best option for us. All I am trying to say is the money, the home situation, it can and will all change. It’s about how you feel. Everything else is just background noise xx