Anxious about past abortion

[Fluffypeach]

I've had a previous abortion and now (happily) pregnant again. I'm only in the early stages but I'm so worried about future mw and scan appointments. My dh doesn't know about my previous pregnancy/abortion and I'd really like to keep it that way.

I had been to see my GP at the time so it is on my medical file that i had an unwanted pregnancy. I have yet to have my booking appointment but I'm so worried that it will be mentioned at every appointment that this is my 2nd pregnancy and that my dh will ultimately find out. Is there anything i can do about this? Im obviously going to explain the situation to the mw but will it be forever on my notes for doctors to comment on? It's giving me serious anxiety and taking a lot of the joy of this pregnancy away

Hi @Fluffypeach I'm not sure about previous abortions but I found that my first miscarriage prior to my first DS wasn't included in my notes, I went to the gp about it so its definitely on my medical records but my maternity notes just say 3 pregnancies (its 4 including the 1st loss) so there's a good chance yours won't.

In your booking appointment they will ask if you've had any previous pregnancies, it's up to you whether you mention it to them, it's worth keeping in mind they'd be put in your notes if you do so you could explain the situation and ask they don't note it if you choose to disclose it so your partner doesn't come across it. I've had miscarriages and even they haven't been mentioned at any point in the pregnancy and I'm in my 3rd trimester now :)

You don't actually have to tell the midwife about a previous abortion. Just because they ask you doesn't mean you have to speak about it.

The midwife will ask you at your booking appointment. But you can say no.
They don't actually have your health/doctors records. Hence the actual booking appointment.

I wouldn't lie to the midwife. My two early miscarriages have been in my notes, but never mentioned. I have paper notes. You could ask that it not be written in any paper notes you have. But literally not a word has been said about my previous pregnancies that didn't go to term.

I had two previous abortions, and when my midwife asked at the booking in appt if there had been any previous pregnancies, I lied and said no, because my (ex)husband was with me, and he didn't know. I checked all my medical notes after - no mention of them anywhere. They ask you that question for you to disclose stuff, what you don't tell them won't appear in there.

Abortions or miscarriages at an early stage are only usually mentioned at the booking app when they take your history. If it was a late termination for a medical reason like a genetic issue then it may be mentioned if it could impact current or future pregnancies. They will not disclose any information you ask them not to anyway so you can mention it to your midwife.

Most people don't take their partners to midwife appointments anyway, I did take dh to my consultant app but he just sat there saying nothing so I should have left him at home lol.

I have 3 DC and in my experience, with every booking appointment I have been taken into the room on my own each time. The midwife explained that this was because there were confidential questions that she had to ask, DH was invited in after she had asked them.

If you aren't taken in alone initially you don't need to tell her, it's unlikely to affect this pregnancy, or change the care you receive.

I've never been asked about previous pregnancies at any 12 or 20 week scan. The only time I have ever been asked about previous pregnancies at a scan was when I've attended the early pregnancy assessment unit for bleeding.

I lie about mine and say no.

I had my booking appointment last week so I wanted to chime in with some very recent experience!

My appointment was on the phone but the midwife asked me if my partner could hear, she wanted to talk to me privately. So your partner won’t know what’s being said in the conversation anyway.

When she asked about previous pregnancies I told her I’d had an abortion and she said it doesn’t matter and wouldn’t be referenced in my written notes at all. So you don’t have anything to worry about. Your midwife doesn’t have access to your GP records so she won’t even know about it unless you say so.

I don’t think you even have to disclose it if you don’t want to. I just wanted the midwife to know everything.

Hope that puts your mind at rest. Good luck.