Want to try again

[Glc85]

I'll try and keep this short but I suffered a missed miscarriage in October last year after spending a week in hospital, 2 lots of Mifepristone I ended up in surgery and then hemoragged. I was then put under a midwife specialist who deals with recurrent miscarriages they think I may have Hughes syndrome. My problem is I really want to try again for a baby but my husband doesn't want to and is quite adamant. We already have 2 daughters 7 and 2. my head and heart are telling me different things and I can't talk to my husband now as he shuts down the conversation.

My first Q is have they tested your bloods for hughes? I assume you have had other MCs too? I'm sorry for your experiences

I think your best bet would be to really talk about the MC, and set out the pros and cons you each see in trying again. Neither of you is "correct" it's more about coming to a joint understanding and decision.

Yes they have tested my bloods twice and I’ve got to have another lot of tests in a few weeks the previous ones show Hughes syndrome.
I have tried talking to my husband but he doesn’t want to try again cause what I went through I’ve had 3 miscarriages and the last one being the worse one. My youngest is due to start nursery September and in his eyes and thinking I can get my life back once she’s at school, I just don’t want to end up feeling resentful against him for not at least trying again and thinking about what if?

I'm sorry you are going through this.

I do think its really important to consider your husbands feelings in all this. While you were haemorrhaging, he was left wondering if he and his girls were going to lose you. I think there is starting to be some awareness of how long lasting a traumatic birth (or miscarriage) can be for a woman, but very little on what it can do to a man. They are ultimately helpless, watching the person they love most in the world suffer horrendous things. That is much harder than we give them credit for.

I think its understandable that he doesn't want to see you suffer again and he is also losing babies each time. Perhaps he feels he can't take anymore loss.

There is no easy solution when a couple have such divergent views on something so sensitive and important, but I truly hope that if you are otherwise happy together that you can find a solution together that you can both live with.