Feel like I can't cope

[2littleonesx]

Hi guys, not sure if this is the right page to post on.

I am currently 34 weeks pregnant, I already have a 20 month old daughter. Just feeling so overwhelmed.

My grandad who was basically my dad has been in an end of life care home since November, we haven't been able to see him due to Covid, he has a terminal brain cancer and is now extremely close to losing his life. I feel guilty that I can't go and see him and say a final goodbye.

I have issues in my pregnancy and did with my previous daughter, I'm feeling anxious about that and what is going to happen.

I'm feeling anxious about birth because with my daughter I was traumatised and didn't realise until I'm getting closer to delivering this baby.

I worry about my Nan all the time as she is left on her own, my mum passed away a few years ago so I don't have anyone that I can vent to.

I'm worried about birth because I have a partner but where we have a daughter if we can't get childcare I will be giving birth alone. My Nan is my only childcare and of course given the circumstances she is in no fit state to even worry about having my daughter for me.

I just feel I have so much going on that I really can't cope anymore. Sorry just needed somewhere to get it all out.

thanks xx

I'm really sorry you feel this way!!

My dad died 10 days before my DS was born and I already had a 15 month old DD. He died at home and we moved in with my mum so I could help take care of him at the end. It was not a nice time. My mum was also supposed to be my childcare for birth. And with my first DH was in Saudi for the last 10 weeks of pregnancy so I was also very worried about giving birth alone.

The bit I think was almost hardest/most anxious was when I was planning the funeral (the day of my due date). I was doing a huge amount of the organising and I was so stressed out about how it would all work if I wasn't there. That got even worse when my brother who was flying home from Canada got stuck with cancelled flight after cancelled flight due to a storm.

Given what you've said about previous complications/worries about birth etc I suspect the thing you are struggling most with is the unknown.

The only thing I can suggest is try to put some plans in place.

Have a birth plan that covers a variety of scenarios so that if you are on your own you have expressed your wishes. Talk to the midwife and ask if you will be given extra support (i.e. a midwife/HCA with you throughout). If you can afford it you can look into the option of a doula (basically a hired and trained birthing partner).

Alternaitevly, can you look at hiring some local childcare? Or could you ask a friend to help out. Someone you can have look after your DC once or twice in the meantime so they are familiar. Equally, have feeding schedules/nap times/bed time routine written up and on the fridge to take the 'handover' pressure off.

I'd suggest also talking to your Nan directly about how she feels she might cope and asking her what she think she might need.

With regards to your pregnancy issues, do you feel well informed? If not, write down a list of questions and get answers. Are you on a solid plan with the hospital?

I'm sorry, I can't offer a huge amount of advice because it is a rubbish and sad situation, but for me personally, planning and information gathering is always how I fend off anxiety!

You CAN do this! You will be okay. But if you need to ask for help (friends/GP) to do that then that is absolutely okay and the best thing you can do for you and your family.