Feeling like a failure if I choose to have a c-section

[FirstTimeMumma2021]

Just wondering if anyone else feels like this?

I'm due in 9 weeks and have been set against having a c-section unless medically necessary. I've got a few underlying medical conditions which make me high risk so I know there's a chance of an EMCS.
Over the past week, I've been weighing it up that, knowing my own health and my baby and wanting to do what I think is best, I've thought a planned c-section would be best.

I met with the Dr, though it wasn't my own Dr, and had to really fight my case and was in tears. I felt I was given some really outdated information and, I was already struggling with the emotional impact of it. Although she finally agreed, I felt like even more of a complete failure and a mum already when I left. My anxiety now is worse than ever between doing what I think will be best and the overwhelming feelings of guilt and failure.

Just wondering if anyone has felt like this and how you managed to make the decision? x

@SnooperTrooper12345

I had a 3rd degree tear verging on 4th with my second along with a Pph and wanted to request a csection for this one as I've been having panic attacks and stuff as it took me almost 3 months just to be able to stand or sit for a longer period of time.

I had a meeting with my consultant and she flat out told me no.
She wouldn't even listen to my reasoning. She said no, because the chance of infection is so high.
I obviously got upset because I'd been getting the confidence up to talk about it with her and she shot me down instantly.
I tried to discuss it more and all she said was "Well maybe it won't be as bad this time" sent me outside and said she'll get me an appointment for a second opinion because she won't say yes.

I'm now 38 weeks and heading for a vaginal birth.
Absolutely dreading the thought of tearing so badly again.
But I just didn't have the confidence to fight it.

You have to be very strong willed and willing to say "No this is what I want"
And if you're on the NHS, they have to find someone to accept it.

I would get a second hearing and be aggressive (if you can muster the energy) - it’s a cost thing, it has bugger all to do with worry about infection. Just make it clear you’ll put in a complaint if you don’t get what you want.

@SnooperTrooper12345 I really think you should complain and insist on a c section. What they’re doing is against regulations! Complications of a c section are rare, you don’t get exhausted from pushing for hours and hours and if it all goes smoothly (which they mostly all do) I’ve read that it’s a magical and calm experience. Xxx

I wouldn’t give two hoots what anyone else thinks, I had a breech baby and the consultant made me feel like I was being given a special treat, but every other medical professional (sonographer, nurses, other doctors made feel it was absolutely the right choice). On the day I was chosen as the only ‘non elective’ c sec to go through. The others were delayed until later in the week. How I went from elective to non elective I don’t know!
It’s not a walk in the park either way you give birth, unless you are very lucky! Don’t give it a second thought!

Do what’s right for you, you are allowed to request a c section though you may need to change obstetrician’s etc.

On a separate note, if you’d like to breast feed tell your midwife as it can be hard to get the milk started as your body doesn’t realise the baby is gone if that makes sense.

If you want a c- section you have the right to ask for one a d I'm pretty sure they can't legal say no (I could be wrong in that) I'm so sorry that this Dr was such a dick about it. Can you talk to your midwife/ normal Dr about it?

Also, you shouldn't feel any guilt about this decision, a c- section isn't an easy option in anyway. It sounds like it would be the best option for you and your baby and that's all that matter.

Last one (promise) you can have a gentle c-section and have skin to skin straight away if baby is health - they don't have to wipe them away to clean them up etc straight away.

It seems like you have a bit of a fight on your hands to get this but you can.

Omg the nhs are so annoying, they just don't want to pay the surgery costs for a c section. Tell them you're having a c section that's it, no shame! Women can birth their babies however they want as long as it's safe.

The c-section as an easy way out idea really irritates me. My recovery was hard - more than my friends who had vaginal births. I was an EMCS so the choice was taken out of my hands but given it again I would 100% take a c-section over induction.

You can only do what you feel is right for you and your baby don’t be bullied into doing something you don’t want to do - it will be a million times easier to have a section than end up with complications due to your health needs.

I found this article really useful. It’s a really balanced look into which is safer, and concludes that the level of risk is basically the same, but the risks are different:

www.theguardian.com/politics/reality-check-with-polly-curtis/2011/nov/23/health

@SnooperTrooper12345
OK I'm really glad that you are feeling as worried - 11lb is a big baby!!
I'm just really upset for you that you've had this experience; you shouldn't have to be who you're not (like a bit bolshy like me!) to have your voice heard or your choice respected xx

I had a section and still feel like i have to justify it with a reason why, I annoy myself so much doing that.

A section isn't easy, it's still giving birth, its major surgery, with major risks and long recovery.

I don't think it really matters how the baby arrives earthside, as long as when it does baby and mum are well.

From the very moment I found out I was pregnant with my twins I knew I wanted a C Section. I’d gone through 5 rounds of IVF and I knew I wanted them out as quickly and safely as possible when the time came. My initial consultant was very dismissive but I made it Crystal clear that I was not budging. It was all a moot point in the end as the were delivered urgently at 33 weeks, both babies only weighing a total of 7.5lbs

Do what your instinct tells you to do, be firm, listen to expert opinions but ultimately make your own decision.

Best of luck xxx

I have been in your shoes. Please just try looking at this from a different perspective - think of yourself as a hero rather than a failure. That you are sacrificing your birth preferences for the safety of your new baby. ❤️

According to several doctors I have spoken to, c section is the safest method of birth for the baby. What is failing about putting baby’s safety first? It’s not exactly an easy way out having major abdominal surgery.