SPD - Can’t look after my toddler anymore - Help!

[UncleBunclesHouse]

I hope someone can talk some sense to help me, I’m honestly at the end of my tether, 37 weeks and been in agony with SPD for ages but it’s gone to a new level now. DS is approaching 2 and goes to nursery a few days a week. He’s been sent home with a cough and now can’t go back for a week. I actually can’t look after him. He’s decided now is a good time to run fast in the opposite direction to wherever I want him to go, refusing food, having a meltdown if everything isn’t going right with his toys, refusing to be changed...it goes on. I’ve been in tears. I know it’s not his fault, he’s lovely and just being a normal toddler who is feeling a bit off, but I can’t do it anymore. Everything hurts, I also suffer with depression and not being able to exercise is really hitting hard. I have animals to look after at home too and I just can’t manage. DH is at work as are all the few local family members. I can hardly even get round the house to move from sofa to toilet never mind run round after a toddler.

I have tried to get help for the SPD and doing everything right in that department but nothing helps except resting.

Please help me see what to do here because I can’t cope at all, I can’t carry on like this.

your dh needs to take leave or arrange for a nanny or babysitter to help you.
tell him you are not coping.

do you have a room secure enough for dc to run havoc in safely?

I hope you feel better soon and that dc can return to nursery.

Your dh needs to do it!

I found a local private physio who has helped so much with the SPD. Not a cheap solution but cheaper than a nanny or unpaid leave from work 😬

He can’t take leave, he is self employed, they are understaffed with COVID and the nature of the work means you can’t not do it. He’s really busy and no option to step back.

I’m also starving because he has taken over the shopping and is shit at it. We live very rurally and can’t get many delivery slots so I between deliveries he goes to the supermarket- we are very short of even the basics, toddler now at home with not a lot of choice to make and all I’ve had is toast and cereal all day. Which is probably not helping feeling so desperate.

@redcandlelight sort of but he won’t stay in there for long, he’s very outdoorsy

Could you afford to pay for help? You may be able to hire a postnatal doula to help you pre birth as well?

@testingtesting321 yes can afford it but not sure of the likelihood of getting someone immediately especially in lockdown...

Write him a shopping list ...

Isn’t there a family
Member who could help? What would happen if you were hospitalised right now?

Online shopping...

Have you been having physio?
Can you not move at all? Do you have a support belt? Would crutches help?

Surely you can write a shopping list and he can do the shopping. How hard is it to buy "bread" "eggs" "pasta" "milk" even if you don't specify brands.

Sorry but you both sound like you're being a bit pathetic about this.

I got one of these for when I had SPD. It was really helpful and got rid of most of the problem except on the very worst days. Highly recommend it.

Serola Maternity Support Belt, Large, Sacroiliac Belt, Pregnancy, Comfortable Pelvic Support for Waist, Back, and Abdomen, Belly Band Brace, Relieves Lower Back Pain and Supports Instability https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B003KTS1OU/ref=cmswwrcppapiii_YHKHK4CCY6CXQZXB6VA7

Do whatever you need to to get trough it, if it means the two year old watches telly for the week so be it , it's temporary let go of the guilt.

Through not trough

Have a look at doula U.K. you can search by postcode and may be able to find someone through there

@ElderMillennial I can move a bit but not much - I agree I feel extremely pathetic, it’s so frustrating not being able to do anything it’s getting me down and yes I am having a little pity party. Doing everything in terms of physio, belts etc. I’ve spoken to DH now and had a frank conversation. He’s sorting me out some crutches and going to do a proper ‘big shop’.

@justchecking1

I got one of these for when I had SPD. It was really helpful and got rid of most of the problem except on the very worst days. Highly recommend it.

Serola Maternity Support Belt, Large, Sacroiliac Belt, Pregnancy, Comfortable Pelvic Support for Waist, Back, and Abdomen, Belly Band Brace, Relieves Lower Back Pain and Supports Instability [[https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B003KTS1OU/ref=cm]]swwrcppapiii_YHKHK4CCY6CXQZXB6VA7

@justchecking1 yes got that one 👍used to help but not anymore

@Isadora2007 the only local family are in front line COVID roles or self employed and are flat out so I can’t really ask them for any help until the baby arrives. Other family are several hours away

Oh OP I get this. I’m 27 weeks with SPD, a frustrated 1 year old and a DH working 60 hours a week.

We live rural. Spent over a month desperately trying to find help (nanny/cleaner/babysitter) to no avail, despite offering above average pay. Finally found someone (student) only for them to be offered a ‘proper’ job 2 weeks later and leave which is fair enough but so unhelpful to us.

Midwives and GP just repeat ‘get yourself a care/child care/support bubble’ as though our family and friends should be beating down our door to do it. Almost all our family have health issues/other commitments themselves so either don’t feel comfortable taking the risk or are already in a bubble with another dependant/needy family members. For example my DM who would usually have supported us is the sole carer for my 90yo gran, due to covid.

The reality is we have to get on with it. Short of handing our older child over to foster care I’m not sure there is any alternative. If your DH can’t take time off, you can’t find paid help and you don’t have friends or family to step in then it is what it is.

@Windchangeface sending hugs and solidarity as best I can offer - sounds like hard going for you and completely agree re support bubbles etc, there’s an assumption this is easy for some reason!

@testingtesting321 thanks for the link - just searched and got a big fat zero for my area but thanks for trying!