Help! Unexpected second pregnancy

[Sunsetslippers]

Aghhhh don’t know what to do 😭

My first turned 1 last month. Decided to do a test today as I was 4 days late for my period, but this happened with my February period too so I wasn’t worried. Then 2 lines!! eek!

My partner and I told each other that we’d discuss a sibling at the end of the year, see where our heads were at and if both parties felt “ready” we’d crack on trying, any doubts then we’d just leave it for now. Now this. I don’t know what to do :(

My child is so lovely but boy - energetic! How will I cope? Baby will be due November, when DC is nearly 2. I will need a new double pram (our flat is an old Victorian house so very narrow, only just fits a lightweight buggy through the door) and not to mention the double nappies. I’vealso just started a new part time job after being made redundant in the first lockdown. I was also looking forward to a summer of “freedom” - drinks with friends, catch ups, watching DC play in the garden and go to some classes as lockdown 1 happened when they were a mere 5 weeks old. Part of me feels like I’ve just not had enough time with my first, does anyone relate to this?

However, they’d both grow up close in age which would be so nice to watch and I remember all the scans and the heartbeats and it’s so lovely. I’ve seen other people have children with this age gap and thrive (not without a few hiccups). I also know that so much can unfortunately go wrong with pregnancy, so many hurdles, it would be daft for me to give up and not give this baby a chance.

I have pros and cons for each decision and sorry I’m just blurting out everything. I know nobody can make this decision for me I just need to pour my heart out and hopefully that’ll give me some clarity. Or if anyone has some advice or was in a similar situation please come forward. I’m so torn :( please impart any wisdom you have onto me. I’m very confused and my head feels jumbled

I was in your exact same boat 2 weeks ago, feeling the same emotions as you. My little one is just 12 months old too and 2nd baby completely unplanned.

My only advice is just give yourself some time. Let the news sink in and then think about what you really want.

I was really torn, I even spoke to a nurse at my local abortion centre which really helped me talk through all of my feelings and reach a decision.

I've chosen to keep baby, and now the news has sunk in and I've processed it all.. I couldn't be more excited! Try and think of things in the long run rather than focusing on just this summer, they'll be plenty more summers to create amazing memories but I totally sympathies because I felt the same. Lockdown hasn't helped, we all are desperate to get our lives back which is understandable!!

Here if you need a chat x

I had a surprise baby, albeit in different circumstances, but it all worked out amazingly despite my initial horror/surprise 😃

Currently 37 weeks with surprise number 2! Dd turned 2 last week. She was ivf and I'd never really dared to hope to give her a sibling.

To say it was a shock when it took two and a half years to get pregnant with her, and then a single shag in July to get this little guy, is the understatement of the century.

We don't have a double Pram, nor are we getting one. Dd now refuses the Pram and has one of those lead things (not that we ever go anywhere what with lockdown and heavy pregnancy etc...)!

Dd is also showing signs she may be ready for potty training in the not so distant future.

What I'm saying is that toddlers change fast. You don't know what yours will be like in 6/8/12 months and it may surprise you about all the things you thought they were going to be like.

I had my DS in January and 11 days after he was born my DD turned 2!

I can’t say everything has been easy! I loved being pregnant, but had bad morning sickness which was tough. So DD got to watch lots of morning peppa pig whilst I was busy! DD would also kiss baby bump which was adorable (not while I was being sick obviously 😂)

With a newborn and toddler some days are easier than others. Yes double the nappies is a lot, and you don’t get nearly enough sleep. There have been days where I don’t know how I’ve made it until bedtime. The mum guilt is real that neither of them get your full attention most of the time.

But seeing DD with DS is the most amazing feeling, she strokes his head when he cries and gives him a little kiss on the cheek. She’s so gentle and loves him so much. Honestly was really worried she wouldn’t, she’s a real mummies girl and like your little one, she’s full of energy 24/7!

DS is also smiling now, and he smiles at her when she talks to him which is lovely.

We also didn’t get a double pram, I either have baby in the buggy and toddler on reins or toddler in buggy and baby in sling.

It definitely gets easier though, and I know that we have given them both a best friend and I can’t wait to watch them grow up together. Hopefully with a smaller age gap they will also be interested in the same days out etc for a bit longer too!

Whatever you decide to do will be the right decision for you, but I love having a small gap between my two.

Thank you so much for all your replies, I’ve read them all. I think now I’ve had a sleep, my head is a bit more screwed on. I was all panic and no disco yesterday 😂

Although bottom line is still no fucking clue what I’ll do. Ive always loved the month November for a baby, not only because it’s my birthday month but it’s spread out a bit enough from other child’s birthday and also Christmas. Another thing sticking in my mind is they’ll also have to share rooms for the foreseeable in what already feels like a small flat 😬 with certainly no funds to upgrade any time soon. I’m definitely not at the fitness/health i would have liked to have been I was just starting that journey to hopefully be ready by the end of the year... alas here we are 😂

Did you find your eldest managed well as an older sibling? Mine turned 1 not long ago and whilst walking about and a big ball of energy, obviously isn’t fully aware of what’s going on as in doesnt speak any words etc. So I can’t explain to them the change. I know they’ll grow lots in 9 months but I can’t imagine they’ll be at an age to understand the notion of a new small child nor will they be young enough to not notice so I’m curious of others experience?

How did you manage going out? For things like park walks and shopping trips etc? I’d hope to wear a sling but first wasn’t too happy in it. Always wriggling and wanted to get out. My first child is also a very keen explorer who doesn’t fare well in the pram for very long, so the reins and walking alongside the pram would be an interesting idea 😂 but bearing in mind it’ll be wet and windy come November. Let alone a potential new lockdown(?)

Again thinking out loud here. Definitely did not expect to be in this position I’ll be honest

Reading back I sound so negative, I promise I’m not, part of me is just like fuck it own it you’ll all survive and it’ll be worth it. But it’s just the other half of me that is like hang on just consider everything here before you go diving into the unknown

Baby isn't here yet for me, so can't comment on everything there. I like that you're trying to think practically.

We try to talk to dd about baby. We got her a book about new baby and it's often our bedtime book. But when we ask her where baby is, she most often pats her own tummy, so I'm horrified she might be confused and actually think she's about to have a baby!!! We also got her a baby doll and a Pram to push about, so she has a baby too. It's also for potty training as eventually we can't have it wee!

@Sunsetslippers I think the age cap is so close that your first won't notice the huge change that much, it'll just become what they are used to and won't remember life without them. I think you definitely avoid mega jealously too.. but this is just what I've been told. Yet to experience it myself!

You can get buggy boards for big sibling to stand on and help push the pram for when you're out and about!

Our new arrival will also have to share a room with our daughter but loads of people do it and says it works fine! One less room to tidy lol x