Giving bith alone :( experiences?

[randommum82]

Hi all,
I live in a country in Europe where lockdown restrictions are still in place. This means no partners at the birth.

I'll soon be having my third DC and we're very excited, but DH will not be able to be at the birth this time.

He is trying to be practical about it and get on with things, since he doesn't see a way around it. On the other hand, I feel so sad thinking about how he'll miss the birth of his third child. The only way around this is if we went private, which carries a cost of between 3-5,000 euros!

Anyone have experience of giving birth without their partner there? How did you cope, how did you feel afterwards? I suffer from an anxiety disorder and my worry is that I will feel really down about him missing the birth of his child. I had horrendous PND after the birth of my second child, I really don't want that to happen again.

Please tell me it'll be ok!

Urgh... that is so rubbish! Pandemic or no pandemic it is not a reasonable way to treat women during one of the most difficult things they will do! Winds me up.

I am sorry you are dealing with this.

I haven't done it but I have had to mentally prepare for it twice. I have also had to do many important scans etc alone (DH works away).

The thing that worried me was what happened to the baby if I ended up with general anesthetic. Perhaps focus your energy on that, find out if DH can come in at that point to be with the baby while you come to? If not, find out the details of what happens as I always felt the not knowing and worrying about that bit was the worst.

After that have a birth plan that covers mutliple scenarios (not just the ideal). You've been through this twice before so you understand the realities and can plan for them.

Will you at least have a doctor or midwife that you are familiar with or is like the UK where you get who you get on the day!

In terms of him missing it, if he is anything like my DH it will have zero impact on his bond. He'll get to meet the baby without the gore. But I imagine he will be quite stressed out while you are in labour so again I'd be asking the hospital what their protocol is for keeping him up to date since you won't be able to.

You will be okay, you can do it! But I'm sorry you have to.

Thank you so much for that kind answer! The way it works here is that in a public hospital you have two options - you either turn up and go with whichever team is on shift, or you pay a little extra (under the table) to have the doctor following your pregnancy present.

I've been with one doctot throughout, paying for appointments at his private clinic to avoid all the endless waiting around if I'd gone via the hospital. But the under the table payment varies, it's illegal so some doctors don't accept it but I'm not sure what this doctor does, not yet asked him.

I just have so much on my mind thinking about this little one. When I look back on my past two births they were such positive experiences, I don't know what I will look back on this one as. And I have a tendency to catastrophise, meaning that if I have a bad birth experience then I'll be blaming myself for going via the public system rather than paying private. The public hospitals here are not the prettiest or the newest, but the staff are good and competent. I've had two D&Cs at the same hospital after two missed miscarriages in a row and they treated me well.

On the other hand, there is a lot of snobbery around the public system especially for giving birth, the locals think it a badge of honour to pay through the nose for a private birth. I did it twice, and can't say they were stellar experiences, the hospital kept trying to extend my stay because of course we were paying per night so they made more that way.

Bottom line, I really wish my husband could be there but I am trying to get my head around the fact that he won't be. Thanks again!