Anyone else feel a burden to their midwife?

[MollySxx]

So I'm currently 9 weeks pregnant (counted from LMP) and I have a scan on Friday at the EPU which will be my fourth one to see if the pregnancy is viable as only yolk sac seen 2 weeks ago.

I was meant to have a midwife phone call appointment last Thursday and they rang half an hour before it to say they saw I was being seen by EPU so didn't want to speak to me till after it. So I've been moved to the 25th for the midwife call. I had a lot of questions they haven't been able to answer in the scans. I've had a stillbirth in 2015 and had 3 miscarriages in a row last year (no living children) so rightfully so I'm very anxious. I've had some dull lower back ache for 2 days now and it only eases if I lay day, but I have work and laying down isn't what I can do in work. I've just text the midwife and her response was "when is your scan and inform your GP of the issues"

I honestly just feel like a massive burden and almost like I'm doing this all alone. I can't even explain how anxious I am about everything🥺

@Wondermule

Sorry to hear you feel let down OP. Can you afford a private scan?

Yes, we had one booked last month. But I then had an NHS one 2 days before we were due to go (because I had side pain and was anxious, told my doctor and he got me a scan the next day) so we've got the private scan on a back burner as we were back there weekly and now we are back there on Friday. So haven't seen much point in a private scan while being seen by the EPU. Not sure what else could be found differently

@Wondermule but let me tell you how tempted I've been in this 2 weeks wait to just book a private one x

I bet I will keep my fingers crossed for you.

I’m not sure if there is a bereavement midwife in every hospital- I know they are trying to create more bereavement suites for parents to use when they lose their baby and have a cold cot so they can have their baby beside them. I know they don’t have this in every hospital- yet.

I’m sorry you haven’t had the support you clearly should have had/should have. What does it matter if there was a reason for your babies stillbirth? It happened, you went through that trauma and again with 3 miscarriages. That is enough.

I’m also shocked they aren’t giving you re-assurance scans. The first one I had - I was referred to EPU by gp due to spotting but after that the consultant and midwife who saw me 2 weeks apart offered regular scans. I haven’t been bcos I’m having weekly cervical measurement scans and they check the baby then. If I’m
Honest it helps that the baby is being kept an eye on but my anxiety is still there and sky high. I’ve had to today take some time off work bcos of it.

Can you ask your midwife if there are bereavement midwives- or why your support is so different to mine?

You’re definitely not being a pain or burden.

@Greenbks

I’m not sure if there is a bereavement midwife in every hospital- I know they are trying to create more bereavement suites for parents to use when they lose their baby and have a cold cot so they can have their baby beside them. I know they don’t have this in every hospital- yet.

I’m sorry you haven’t had the support you clearly should have had/should have. What does it matter if there was a reason for your babies stillbirth? It happened, you went through that trauma and again with 3 miscarriages. That is enough.

I’m also shocked they aren’t giving you re-assurance scans. The first one I had - I was referred to EPU by gp due to spotting but after that the consultant and midwife who saw me 2 weeks apart offered regular scans. I haven’t been bcos I’m having weekly cervical measurement scans and they check the baby then. If I’m
Honest it helps that the baby is being kept an eye on but my anxiety is still there and sky high. I’ve had to today take some time off work bcos of it.

Can you ask your midwife if there are bereavement midwives- or why your support is so different to mine?

You’re definitely not being a pain or burden.

If everything is okay on Friday I'm going to ask about it. Because I feel like all of you had bought this to light more than my hospital and they gave notes in front of them of my history. Can't thank you all enough for your responses x

It is a shame that there is not enough funding for midwives who are specifically trained in dealing with women who have had recurrent losses. If there was they would be better suited to taking care of you as the extra anxiety and needs for reassurance is understandable. Could you be referred to a mental health midwife ir if you can afford it look at consulting a private midwife? I really think having someone to hand that is easily contactable will help with anxiety so you can actually allow yourself to enjoy being pregnant.

@MollySxx I was feeling very alone due to lack of communication with midwife. I kept phoning and her phone was off, voicemail directed me to somewhere else, who directed me to EPU who wouldn’t help because I wasn’t bleeding and cramping. They sent me to GP who said I should be speaking to maternity care. I was in a state because of my 12 week scan and needed to speak to someone about my anxiety. My GP actually just googled lots of stuff for me and eventually found me an email to contact. I got a call about 4/5 days later from a midwife, very apologetic, taken under her care and allowed to text anytime, referred to the mental health midwife. Search your hospital website, phone everyone and send emails if necessary. Explain your situation and they must help. There will be someone who cares!

@KTF367 I'm so sorry you've felt like this🥺 I'm so happy you've got your outcome with someone who helps, and cares. I shall take everything you've all said and suggested and use it wisely x

@MollySxx just don’t worry about being a burden! They’re there to look after you. Talking therapy may help if you can find somewhere that does that. Also maybe try acupuncture if you’re struggling with anxiety

@KTF367 I think my anxiety right now is just being in the waiting limbo with the scans I'm currently having and the waiting without answers/mixed in with feeling somewhat alone medically x