Pregnancy Announcement

[Zobo203]

Me and my partner announced our pregnancy on Facebook a few days ago. After a really difficult journey to get here, we feel so blessed to be having a baby and were so excited to share the news with everyone. I'm at that age where everyone seems to be having a baby and I regularly see announcements reach 300+ likes, but ours didn't even reach triple figures and I'm really disappointed about it. Is it really silly of me to feel this way? I know as soon as they're here everyone will loose interest fast but with this being my first viable pregnancy (following an early miscarriage) and not being able to share it properly with loved ones because of social distancing I was just really hoping to feel special for just a little while and like everyone is really happy for us. But now I'm just feeling like our baby doesn't matter very much at all

If you announced on Mother’s Day it might be that lots of people are aware of how hard the day can be for others and either avoided fb full stop or didn’t want to like the post on that particular day.

I’ve seen a massive reduction in the ‘look at my wonderful children and beautiful flowers etc’ posts in recent years as there’s been a greater acceptance that some people find it really tough.

for you and congratulations on your pregnancy.

Congratulations OP. But why on earth would you post a pregnancy announcement on Facebook!?!? Each to their own I supposed but DH and I have intentionally kept it off. I don't want the world and his wife knowing. I got upset that it was hinted at by a friend. Then realised I was being a bit precious. DH doesn't use social media at all (came off FB about 8 years ago and finally gave up on Twitter last month). The people who care about you will be happy for you.

Sometimes I like a post on fb then see it was posted days ago. It may not of come up on everyone's feed yet x

Congratulations op! What lovely news for you both!
I'm sorry you've lost both parents, and I can imagine you feel let down by friends, but honestly don't let Facebook likes make you feel this way. I came off Facebook for similar reasons, it used to bother me how many likes my posts got compared to others, and I'm aware of how silly that sounds.... It got to stage that I was posting pictures of my children or of family days out and getting frustrated that certain friends didn't like them. So in as nice as possible way I'm trying to tell you that it may not stop at pregnancy, you may feel this way once babies here, if you continue to post photos on Facebook.
Do you have any other close relatives that can share in your joy? Aunts or uncles perhaps?

I haven’t ‘announced’ yet as it’s early days for us, but when we do tell people I’m not expecting anything from them to be honest. This baby is for me and my husband and I’m not bothered what others think.

It was Mother’s Day yesterday so that might have something to do with it, however you really shouldn’t waste your time being bothered about this stuff.

You never know what others are going through - they might have had losses, they might be trying but getting nowhere, they might’ve lost a relative. One of my friends husband has cancer.

You shouldn’t be expecting anything from others . Just enjoy it with your partner xx

FB isn't real life so I wouldn't get worked up about it. I mean this kindly, but you're not the first person to have a baby and whilst its special and amazing for you, to FB it's just another baby. I wouldn't seek validation through this. You will be your baby's whole world when they're born - that is the most special thing. For me, the fact our family and friends are so excited for us and will love the baby means so much more to me than a FB like.

In my friendship / social media group pregnancy announcements (as well as nauseating “gender reveals”) are a bit passé now I think.... friends will tell a group on WhatsApp or me privately but some big dramatic announcement can seem a bit OTT. Obviously anyone that’s taken a while to get there/ had miscarriages I get feels like more of a celebration for you, but remember not everyone will know this. People have a lot going on right now so may not feel like celebrating someone’s else’s happiness- bitter as that sounds. I’d definitely do as others say and probably not reference your pregnancy much more on social media, it’s clearly causing added stress. You’ll be so hormonal now too so even the smallest thing can feel overwhelming. But congratulations! x

But surely you don't know how many people have actually seen the announcement?? If many of your friends have 300+ friends their news feeds may have been clogged with random game results/pics of cute puppies/gofundme requests etc...

And congratulations by the way, new babies are always lovely news

Congratulations 💐
I came off facebook years ago and even then wouldnt have cared about ’likes’ BUT every single person is different and what i care about you may not etc, so I understand what you are saying. The comments of ‘why on earth would you announce on fb’ are not necessary, she announced because she wanted to, same way you didnt because you didnt want to

Congratulations again, good luck with the rest of the pregnancy, enjoy it. 💐

"I'm really disappointed as we didn't even reach triple figures". Seriously?

Your baby is important to you. Other people don't have to be happy for you or 'like' the announcement. You don't know that they don't have struggles of their own, recurring loss, family loss, fertility issues, to name a few.
Instead of SM - try messaging friends etc, FB is largely fake and people show how they wish to be perceived. I've taken a huge step back from SM and feel much better for it. I'd suggest you do the same before your baby arrives and you're coming bsck to MN because "Sharon next door but one has a much better pram, AIBU for feeling sad that I didn't spend more on mine?"

Do you always base your happiness on 'likes' and validation from other people?
Posting your life on SM for 'likes' or comments never ends well in my experience. Use your time to work on your self esteem instead.

Thank you to everyone who's commented such lovely things and who seem's to understand why its got to me a little. I'm not really much of a social media person if I'm honest because I do have a strong tendency to compare myself to others, I just tend to use my facebook newsfeed as a diary to look back on for my own personal use, to keep my special moments and pictures safe. I don't engage with any other social media platforms and I'm not usually someone who concentrates on likes. But (and this is not for sympathy as someone suggested earlier, simply context so that you have a better understanding of why I may be feeling this way) loosing my parents was very tragic, unexpected and unfortunely due to their young age and the circumstances around each loss, quite a public thing, so sharing my news was, I guess, a way of telling the world that I'm doing better and things are finally looking up for me after 6 years of grief and my life very much being put on hold. I suppose thats why it got to me as much as it did, I expected it to be more of a big deal to people because of the tragedies I have experienced previously. Now I've had time to reflect I've realised a lot of the disappointment I felt is routed in that grief and not having the same excitement from others that I would have had from my parents and I was just looking for unnecessary validation from others to "make up for it" maybe? The people who matter and will actually be in their life already knew about it before my post and have all been absolutely amazing and supportive throughout the whole of our very difficult pregnancy journey and I know thats what truly matters. I think I just needed to feel bad about not getting the reception I expected to be able to process all of the complex emotions I have going on right now. But I'm definitely starting to feel better about it, and I am just pushing myself to concentrate on what matters and thats the perfect little life I'm about to bring into the world that has been so wanted and so loved for such a long time and I feel so lucky and so grateful for that, regardless of anyone elses acknowledgement or congratulations

I’m so sorry that you lost your parents. Do you have other family or friends that can help support you? Xxx

You're creating your own little family and that’s incredibly special. I’m sorry you’re feeling a bit sad due to not being able to share this time with your parents but I know they’d be so excited for you and I’m sure they’re around you every day.
Congratulations! Xx

I don't know anyone who would get 300+ likes on a pregnancy announcement. Maybe 50 at most. You would need a lot of friends, have to be a very frequent poster and interact with a lot of people on facebook for your post to end up high in so many peoples timeline.

Remember that a lot of your facebook friends will not have seen your announcement if they don't interact with you regularly.

On top of that a lot of your friends might not be "likers", I for example hardly ever like someones post. 2% of your friends is considered a good engagement rate. 6% is considered very high. So if you have 1000 friends anything between 20 and 60 likes then that is considered very good.

Pregnancy announcement might be a bit higher (i don't know) but if you're not a very very active member on facebook it wont be by a lot.

If you get effected by how many likes you get on posts maybe look into how the Facebook algorithm actually works. It might put your mind at ease. It takes a lot of work to get a lot of people to even see your post, let alone like.

You talk about "people" and "the world".
But why does it matter so much. I don't see the link 😕
You should be the person to be happy and proud of yourself for feeling accomplished and good after the loss you experienced.
Then what matters is what your partner and close family and friends think.
Why put yourself through these negative emotions because of lack of reaction from your FB post to your very personal life changing news. It sounds very much self inflicted.
If you aren't a SM person just stop posting altogether. You are chasing something fake and superficial that won't add to your life in any way.
Also remember "people" are not you. You live your life everyday remembering what you have been through, but people have their own things going on too. You can't expect 300 + people to feel the way you feel.

And stop comparing yourself to others. For your own good.

@SunnySideUp2020

You talk about "people" and "the world". But why does it matter so much. I don't see the link 😕 You should be the person to be happy and proud of yourself for feeling accomplished and good after the loss you experienced. Then what matters is what your partner and close family and friends think. Why put yourself through these negative emotions because of lack of reaction from your FB post to your very personal life changing news. It sounds very much self inflicted. If you aren't a SM person just stop posting altogether. You are chasing something fake and superficial that won't add to your life in any way. Also remember "people" are not you. You live your life everyday remembering what you have been through, but people have their own things going on too. You can't expect 300 + people to feel the way you feel.

And stop comparing yourself to others. For your own good.

I get your point and actually aggree with you but I'm only human and I sometimes fall into the superficial trap and need for approval just as anyone can from time to time. I am incredibly proud of myself and how far I've come and I've done it mostly alone without very much support from anyone other than my partner so "people" and "the world" have done nothing but frustrate and let me down. I think thats probably why I wanted that acknowledgement of my happy news because everyone turned their back on me for the hard stuff. But it was silly of me to think like that or to have expectations that anyone would suddenly care now when they havent before. The problem is though negative emotions are not always a choice you make and thoughts however irrational still have the power to make you feel bad. And I will always somewhat compare my life to others its incredibly difficult not to when you've experienced unexpected loss that others around you haven't but thats not to say I don't feel grateful for what I have or would swap my life for anything because im still incredibly lucky despite my my losses, its made me who I am and I'm a strong, caring and capable person because of it! All be it flawed and guilty of caring about what others think too much sometimes, but lets face it, who isnt?

Sorry but I think you're being ott. Not everyone has to like things on social media.
And who cares about a baby shower? To me it's like saying I'm having a party so everyone buys a present for my unborn baby. It's tacky and grabby. If people want to buy something they will, you don't need to have a party to encourage them to do so.
It's like gift registries or even worse requests for money in wedding invitations or saying bring a bottle to a party. Again you don't say come to my wedding but buy us a present or give us money. Or expect party guests to contribute to food or drink. If you host you provide it all.
And gender reveals are as bad to me. I don't understand the want or need to find out the sex ASAP at all. I think it's far nicer to wait until the baby is born and there in the room, rather than just a picture on a screen. But if people are too impatient to wait why not just tell people? Why the big deal about revealing it? Again it's tacky to me.

@Zobo203 I lost my parents at 12. I feel you

Remember that not everybody will have seen the announcement. I saw an important announcement from a friend for the first time this morning, she posted it 4 days ago. My newsfeed has been manic, so competition is fierce.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

Yes I think you are being silly to be counting "likes" and comparing to others, OP. You are about to be a parent and you sound like a child.

@Zobo203 wow! I’m so sorry their are so many horrible comments on here. I’m not sure why people can’t get their point across while still being kind ( or just say nothing at all 🤷‍♀️)

Firstly how you chose to share your news is your choice. I’ll be shouting it from the roof tops as soon as I know everything is ok.

You said in one of your comments that you don’t use social media that often, which might be why you haven’t received many likes. Facebook works by interaction. So the people you interact with most will appear in your news feed most often. ( just one idea?)

Also I assume the most important people who you wanted to know had already been told, so I wouldn’t worry too much about those other acquaintances on fb that you don’t really see.

If there are people on your Facebook who you expected to comment but haven’t, maybe it’s because they’re going through something themselves? Maybe reach out to them and check they’re ok ( they might also of genuinely not seen your news, or might of just not thought to press the like button, not everyone does.)

You’ve gone through so much in your life, and are obviously a very strong person. You don’t need social media to validate how amazing this news is. Concentrate on those close and that matter the most to you. Anything else is a bonus.

Enjoy this happy little bubble x ( and ignore the negativity!)

Congratulations OP. Facebook and social media in general is a really odd place isn't it?

I'm finally pregnant after after TTC of 2.5 years and IVF. During that time I actually hid people who announced pregnancies from my timeline because their good news made me feel sad. Maybe that sounds harsh but it was my way of dealing with things.

Now that I'm pregnant this baby is the number one most important thing in the world to me and I get why people post about it more now but I don't plan to post about it all online except when baby is born. I guess part of that is remembering how it made me feel when struggling, another part is worrying if something went wrong, and also that often social media makes me feel a bit odd like it has you (ie counting likes and what that means or doesn't mean)

Yes your news is fantastic and all the happier if you've struggled to get there but you'd be better off putting a LOT less emphasis on any affirmation you might get off social media. Just focus on yourself, your partner and your baby.