Iv fallen pregnant with my fwb partner and I'm unsure on what to do.

[ashdc99]

Hi ladies, this is a long shot as I'm not too sure what else to do but iv been seeing this guy for about 11 months and we've just been casual. But about 2 months ago I started developing some kind of feelings and I was unsure of how to process it and he kind of backed off when I told him but he soon got over it and was seeing me again. But I now have found out I'm pregnant and we've spoken about it and he said it's my choice but I said it's both of ours and wanted to know what he wanted. He wasn't very open about it but admitted he wouldn't ignore the baby but wouldn't be able to be there all the time?? I'm confused and unsure on what to do. Has anyone else had this situation before? Thankyou.

Hi @ashdc99 hope you are feeling okay, how far along are you?

To be honest, it sounds like he is saying he will be a stand up guy and support the baby but he doesn't want a relationship and to play happy families, which is probably to be expected from a fwb.

How are you feeling about it all?

Essentially he would pay what he had to legally but wouldn’t be around for you or the baby. He doesn’t sound mature enough or willing to be a father.

I’m sorry you’re in this difficult situation. I wouldn’t consider his opinion when deciding whether to continue the pregnancy as he has left it to you.

Proceed with your decision as if there will be no involvement from the father. His involvement is not a certainty so should be ignored when making this choice.

Reading between the lines OP sounds like you want a fairy tale ending to a fwb situation. He seemingly doesn’t have feelings back and doesn’t really want the baby but is a nice guy so wouldn’t scarper.
As others have said you need to decide on whether you want the baby and if you are prepared to do this alone- don’t base your decisions on a fantasy family that may not come true.

You developed feelings for him and now you're pregnant
Are you happy to be pregnant (is it a decision on whether to continue with pregnancy or not?)
The thing you sound unsure about is what he is going to do. Were you hoping this would fall into place?

Sounds like he is saying that, he will not be involved, but will pay minimal maintenance. I would not have the baby without support. How do you feel? Can you have this baby? Will you get support from friends and family.

Agree with others. You need to make this choice completely independently with the assumption that you'd be going it alone.

Do you want a baby? Do you have support?

You also need to distance yourself from him, you have feelings and he doesn't. This isn't a FWB relationship anymore. You will only get hurt. If he wanted a relationship with you then it would of happened by now. You deserve someone who will return your feelings. X

Sounds like you’d be a single mum from the off. You can only choose the outcome based on that.

I’ve just got through the first 9m of our baby’s life and I don’t think I could have with the support from DP being there every day and night. After this I would never choose to do it alone.

It totally depends on your circumstances though, if this is the only chance to have a baby etc.

Hi ladies thanks for the reply's, I'm 50/50 on what I want to do. I'm already a single mother to a 2 year old and I don't know wether I would want to do it again as it was tough. He said he'd support my decision no matter what but also said he wouldn't ignore. But it's difficult. My feelings are all over the place with it and didn't think I'd ever be in this situation. I feel almost disappointed in myself. He hasn't freaked out or told me to do anything that I didn't want to do which I respect of him. I just wouldn't want to make any tags decisions and regret it. I'm currently 4 weeks and 4 daysx

What a tough situation. I think you may have made a mistake in saying what you did about the choice being both of yours as this now potentially creates a situation whereby he will feel misled if you can't agree on the final decision. This is all happening in your body and so you need to have the final say, however unfair that may seem to the man there really is no other way around it. So I would urge you to back away from that line of thinking.

As others have said, you need to take this man out of the picture. If he decides to run for the hills and you get nothing from him, no financial involvement or any other support, what is your plan for raising this baby? Do you want to be a parent? Even if so, do you want to be a parent right now? I say this as it would be completely okay for the answer to either or both of those questions to be no.

I'm currently a mum of a 2 year old and have done it from the start on my own, but obviously this was just a complete shock when I found out and all my emotions were everywhere. I just wanted to come on here and ask you guys your opinions and I'm grateful for that. Thankyou ladies. I appreciate it. I wouldn't want to be selfish and bring a child into this world where I'm not ready to do that cycle all over again. Me and my daughter are enough and we are in a good place. Thankyou for your support