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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Unplanned pregnancy and Dad doesn't want it

34 replies

Lily346 · 12/03/2021 14:21

Hi all.. I'm in desperate need of some advice. I'm 31 years old and have been with my partner for 10 years. He works at sea and has done since we met. We've had tricky times in the past but we have always pulled through. He already has a daughter (12 years old) who lives in another country. He hasn't seen her as much has he has wanted/should have so their relationship is tricky especially as she is approaching teenage years and her Dad isn't around.. I've just found out that I'm pregnant, have been on the pill since I was 15 however have had some issues with heartburn the last few months with some occasions me being sick. This happened more frequently so I got in touch with my GP who knew me and that I was on the pill. He suggested me do a test incase my pill had not been absorbed, as this has been happening for a while and I've been fine I was so shocked to see a positive sign. 3 tests later and no period its safe to say I'm pregnant.

My partner has outright said that he does not want to have this baby. According to him its not the right time (when is??) And that if I keep this baby he wants nothing to do with me or it! I mean 10 years we have been together. 10 years!! I've said that I would be expecting to most of it on my own as I wouldn't stop him working away plus I know he needs to spend time with his daughter as she is at such a difficult age in her life. He is still adamant that he doesn't want it and can't actually say when he will want kids (this is news to me!!)

My dilemma is do I abort this baby for him although I think after what he has said we likely won't survive this.. or do I keep the baby and raise it on my own (I have an amazing family network and friends). I know i could do it but what is in my mind is that I'm knowingly going to allow this child to grow up without a Father.. is that horribly selfish of me to do that to a child??

PLEASE HELP!!

OP posts:
Lily346 · 13/03/2021 10:43

Thank you all sooooooo much for your advice. You have no idea how incredible this has been and how much support you have all given me. It's amazing that strangers can give you such comfort and reassurance. I can't thank you all enough!

This wasn't planned, may not be the ideal time but I want this baby. I have always wanted to be a mother at some point and now is my chance. Everything happens for a reason right!

Thankyou all, from the bottom of my heart xx

OP posts:
ILoveBountys · 13/03/2021 11:12

@Lily346 You are so welcome and come back any time for more support.

Sounds like your decisions made :)

Look into maintenance and anything else you might be entitled to financially and get yourself set up for the future and don't look back!

You're strong and you've got this.

Best of luck for everything ahead xxx

willibald · 13/03/2021 11:29

GEt rid of him. He's never around anyhow. Wouldn't even bother besides, 'Keeping the baby. Not up for discussion. You've said that's the end if it I don't capitulate to your coercive bullying to try to get me to have an operation on my body I don't want so we are through. Finished. Don't want to hear from your again.' and then just block him, not hard, he's away all the time anyhow.

Would not allow this person to be on the birth certificate or give the baby his surname even if he comes back and sweet talks you. He'll fuck right off the way he did with his other child.

He's a shit father.

MadeForThis · 13/03/2021 11:41

Take back the control and end the relationship yourself. He's lying about wanting a baby in the future. You will never think the same about him again. He has destroyed it.

PurpleFlower1983 · 13/03/2021 12:07

@Lily346

Thank you all sooooooo much for your advice. You have no idea how incredible this has been and how much support you have all given me. It's amazing that strangers can give you such comfort and reassurance. I can't thank you all enough!

This wasn't planned, may not be the ideal time but I want this baby. I have always wanted to be a mother at some point and now is my chance. Everything happens for a reason right!

Thankyou all, from the bottom of my heart xx

It was clear from your previous posts that this was exactly how you feel. I’m sure you will be a fabulous mum (it’s the best thing ever!) Congratulations!! Flowers
MazekeenSmith · 13/03/2021 12:22

Could you forgive him and carry on in a relationship with him if you terminated this pregnancy and you never got pregnant again?

willibald · 13/03/2021 12:24

@MadeForThis

Take back the control and end the relationship yourself. He's lying about wanting a baby in the future. You will never think the same about him again. He has destroyed it.
This. Stop giving him any agency in your life. He's never there, he's abandoned one child already. Now he's tried to bully and coerce you into a termination you don't want. Fuck that.
Helenknowsbest · 13/03/2021 12:27

Good luck @Lily346 try and enjoy this time. Let us know how you get on. The love you get from your child is out of this world and I'm sure you'll make the best decision. X

DollyParton2 · 13/03/2021 14:42

An amazing family/ friend support network makes the world of difference. I’ve had friends similar positions / age as you who went for it as single mums and it’s truly been the making of them. What a dick your DP is.

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