Still Born - 16 years today

[Singlebengalimum]

Hello, not sure if this is the best place to start a thread (Apologies in advance). Well 16 years today i had a still born baby boy. it amazes me that it has been 16 years old today. its hard, i haven't admitted to anyone how hard this is. Still born at full term, how does anyone cope with that? i went into denial, didn't talk to anyone, especially family about it, it feels easier to speak to someone outside of the family - why does it feel like family make it all about them? Not in a bad way, but it just feels like you end up supporting them through the loss of YOUR child.
The feeling of loss hasn't gone away, it still feels raw today (locked in a room whilst i write this crying because i don't want anyone to see me upset!)
The feeling of guilt every time i think about him, guilty when i realise i haven't thought about him. He would be 16 today, most likely would have had a big party at the weekend to celebrate the milestone.
Its so so hard.
I don't know what i am meant to do, how do you behave when you feel like you are dying on the inside but have to act 'normal' to the world, then the world thinks you don't care as much as them?
someone sends a text telling you its his birthday today, like i need reminding.
I don't know what i am expecting from writing it all down here, but i wanted to get it out of my head.

I’m so sorry. My mum had a similar experience before I was born and I know it’s affected her greatly. She has only really started to talk about it recently, but now she has a special Christmas tree decoration for him (we each have one on her tree), and things like that. It’s helped her to feel like he’s still part of the family.

Would you like to talk about it more?

I'm so sorry for your dreadful loss.
I don't know how anyone copes after such a loss.
16 is a milestone and I'm sure its triggered lots of emotions.
Do you want to tell us about him?
What was his name?
What did he look like?
Xxx

So sorry, OP. That must be very hard.

Thinking of you on your ds's birthday.

Thank you for the kind words - it means a lot.
he was perfect - i couldn't hold him whilst he was still warm, i had an emergency c-section and was so 'out of it' when he was born, i got to hold him the next day. He was a big baby, 8lb 9oz.
@spudlet thank you for sharing about your mum, i was feeling a bit fragile this morning thinking about how emotional i am being today. It feels like it only happened today not 16 years ago.

Didn't want to read and run. I'm so sorry for your loss

So sorry for your loss OP .

I’m so sorry for your loss OP

I’m so sorry for your loss.
What was he called?

I’m so sorry OP

I'm so sorry to read this, I lost my girl at 34 weeks in August, I'm struggling to cope my life has changed, I've changed. Thinking of you xx

I am so sorry about your son. It must have been horrific and one of the worst things you can go through. I can’t imagine what it’s like to have to put on a front and comfort others about this when it must be so painful and raw today. I hope you are ok and that you have somebody you can talk about this with if you want to.

So sorry for the loss of your beautiful baby boy Op- thinking of you on your son’s birthday xx 💐

So sorry for your loss. I was 19 when I had my little girl asleep at 42 weeks. She was perfect and not a day goes by when I don't think about her. It took me another 15 years to get pregnant and to feel like I was in a place where I could be a mother and still it hurts. Just always remember that your child is important! He was here and he existed and you are a mum to him.....thoughts are with you

My son passed away 2 years ago shortly after birth and if I ever get sad about it, family make it all about them, and especially in Islam we just get told "it's god plan, don't question" and we feel even more dismissed.
On

I' don't think grief ever leaves us, and this is just part of our life and what makes us human, the pain you feel is also proof of the love you feel as his mother

thank you for the kind words and for sharing your stories. He was still born at full term, i was in hospital waiting to be induced, then on the day i thought i would be holding him, there was no heart beat.
This weekend has been hard.
Thank you for reading my ramblings xx

Very sorry for your loss OP. It sounds like it was made even worse by a lack of support and understanding at the time, meaning you haven't properly 'dealt' with the loss/grieved maybe? Sorry if I'm misunderstanding what you're saying.

You can't control how your family behaved at that time (sadly), or turn back the clock. But you can control how you deal with your loss now. If you want to, you could get some counselling, just to talk through your feelings with someone who will be a listening ear. This could make a huge difference.

You could also start a wee tradition, like PP's mother and her Christmas tree decoration. Just because you haven't done it up til now doesn't mean you can't start. It's okay to mark his life - he lived inside you and knew your voice. He is very much worth remembering. Any decent family member or good friend will understand that, if you choose to share it with them.