What would you do? Newborn and wedding

[CLeighannHxo]

I apologise for the potential lengthy post! It is not exactly to do with pregnancy but I didn't know where else to post.
OK, so abit of background... we were due to get married in August last year, however had to postpone due to covid. We had arranged everything for the 21st of August this year. We then found out that we were expecting our first baby and I am currently 28w+4d pregnant, due date is 29th of May.
My point to this post is that I am in 2/3 minds of what to do regarding whether to go ahead or postpone again, my reasons being that

1. although Boris is hoping everything is to go back to normal on the 21st of June, I really don't think it will be all as plain sailing as that.
2. we would have a 3 month old baby at the point of the wedding date
3. we have some parts of the wedding paid and some parts that aren't, however money has been going on baby bits at the moment and I can't see that we would be able to put any money aside to pay the rest of the wedding vendors etc. (We would be able to borrow the money if needed to)
4. finishing off the planning, making the favours/stationery etc while being heavily pregnant/just given birth would be such chaos
5. but then also my dad has been battling cancer for the past 5/6 years and we don't know how long he has got Should I go ahead or just try and postpone again and just enjoy becoming a first time mum? Would my dad just be over the moon to see me with my first baby?

Could you have a small wedding with just family/very close friends? People will be very understanding of that, especially this year and in your circumstances. You could even do the reception part at your house / parents house if suitable, and get buffet style food / cook masses of fajitas etc. Very cheap, easy, and could work much better with a young baby than a big white wedding at an expensive venue.

I haven't gone to a wedding with a young child, let alone been the bride, but I think it sounds difficult. What if you have post-partum complications? Your baby is in NICU? You won't be able to order a wedding dress in advance because you won't know what size you'll be.

I guess it depends whether your reasons for getting married are so the two of you can be married, or whether you are really just after a really big party with some convenient legal protection afterwards. Not judging - everyone has their own reasons! But if you knowthe answer to that question it might help you decide whether to do a small wedding sooner, or wait a year for a mega bash.

Good luck deciding! x

Life is too short to delay IMO. I say go for it but focus on getting the majority of the diy bits made before you have baby. A 3 month old at a wedding will be a doddle, as long as you have plenty of friends and family to help out :)

I'd bring the date forward, rather than postpone, in this circumstances. Settle with a very simple cosy family wedding before the baby is born with your father able to attend. To be honest, I don't think it is feasible to plan and conduct a grand ceremony in these circumstances (covid, newborn, dad, previous delays). I would just go with the flow and change plans accordingly. If you wait until the end of august you may end up postponing again, your father may not feel well, you may be "over" the wedding after waiting so long anyway etc.

@CLeighannHxo I had this exact same situation pretty much. We were due to get married in September last year, when we realised it was unlikely to happen, we started TTC in April. By September I hadn't fallen pregnant, and we decided to go ahead and get married on our original date with a small ceremony, and postpone the 'wedding' as it were to a year later. Got my BFP in November and due date is 1st of August, which is a month before our new 'wedding' date. We've decided to postpone again to a year later as feel like I won't be in any fit state to be a 'bride' a month after giving birth. Our situation is a little different as we are legally married, we just didn't have the whole shebang of a wedding, but ultimately decided the easiest thing to do would be to push back another year so baby will be older/I'll be in better shape both mentally and physically!

Would you consider something similar? Given what you've said above about the financial side of things and your Dad, maybe it would be a better idea to have a small wedding this year and push the big celebrations back? This year you could consider something like a small ceremony and a meal in a restaurant afterwards? Or mini garden party? xx

I'd go for it

I was due to get married last year when 6 months pregnant, we rescheduled for this year but having had baby (I'm a FTM which probably doesn't help!) I can't face having a wedding this year even if we are 'allowed', I'd rather do it when baby is bigger and I'm not worrying about her all day/sorting her out, so we're going for next year. Before I had DD I thought it'd be a doddle having a wedding with a 7 month old in tow but now think otherwise. I think it depends on you though and how comfortable you feel leaving your baby with others at that stage.

I would just do something smaller if that’s an option or will you lose money?

Go ahead but don't pressure yourself to do the extras - print stationary on a computer, don't bother with favours (most end up in the bin) and cut back on unnecessary elements if not prebooked. Never ceases to amaze what people think are essentials these days which hadn't been invented 20 years ago and the importations from the USA.

Could you scale back to a buffet or bbq for instance rather than sit down meal which could be tricky with an infant. My dd was 6 months old when I got married and it was fine, but I had a church wedding followed by back garden reception (so she could be put down with the baby monitor on though in reality she was the star attraction and passed around continuously)

We had originally planned to have a big wedding with all the trimmings, and was looking at 100 guests for the day. As I say all the original plans were pre-covid and wasn't expecting to become pregnant, we were going to continue with the ceremony last year and have a party this year however we decided to postpone the whole thing as we weren't quite expecting this covid to be going on for so long tbh! So it's not like I've just started to plan a big mega bash for the sake of it... it was originally planned like that.
The things already paid for are:
Church
Photographer
Dress
DJ
Flowers
The venue, cake and decorations (all booked and chosen, just need to pay the rest)
Things we need to look at/pay for:
Rings
Suits
Bridesmaid dresses
Transport
Hair/make up
Shoes
And bits and bobs that I can't think of right now.
Last year I had made all the invitations myself (took me weeks!). So I'm thinking I'd have to make some sort of invitation again this time round and the favours are like a little something to give to the guests as a thank you, and I was going to make these also.

In all honesty I wouldn't want to be getting married with a 3 month old baby, I think it would take away the excitement from both, the wedding as you'd likely be tired and just thinking about baby in the months leading up to it and also baby because those early weeks are hard as it is but you'd constantly be thinking about things you need to do/sort out for the wedding. Might be difficult since you've already started planning for 100 guests but I'd maybe look into very small ceremony with only family/close friends Aug this year then big party next year if your worried about your dad or just postpone all to next year.
I think seeing you with your baby and being a grandad will bring him so much joy anyway

So if you were to switch to a smaller wedding before you give birth, you wouldn't lose that much money? You've paid for the church, photographer, dress, DJ, and flowers, but you could use all those at a smaller wedding or even a garden wedding. You can probably change the date on all these things.

I guess if your venue is too big for a smaller wedding, you might lose that money. Have you only paid a deposit, or the whole thing?

You could either hold out for the big wedding when the baby is older, go for the potential stressful big wedding when the baby is three months, or lose a wee bit of deposit money and bring the date forward to have a small, relaxed, fun wedding before the baby comes.

I’d honestly try and crack on with the original plan. You’ve paid for the most expensive things already and you may end up losing money if you need to change/cancel parts of it. My mum has cancer and the thought of her missing my wedding if I postponed it was heartbreaking. Luckily I got married a few months before lockdown and I’m so happy she was able to be at my wedding. Having a new baby will obviously make things more difficult in terms of preparation and affordability but if you think it’s manageable then go for it.
If covid rules change then obviously it’s make the decision for you, but I’d try and keep everything as it is if it were me personally x