General first time mum questions

[NewMum2021x]

Hey guys. First time mum here, my little boy is due in July. I have a few questions as I don't have family to help me (they may sound stupid) but I'm worried about everything and anything right now! Lol. I know I will probably get all this info from my midwife eventually and health visitor but it's just questions that are on my mind right now!

• when changing baby, do I need to put cream or anything else on before the new nappy to stop any sores etc? If so which ones do you all recommend?!

• when putting the baby in the next to me cot, what should be in there/shouldn't be in there with them?

• how often do you bathe baby? What products and routine would you recommend using?

• why breast pumping/expressing advice can you give me? I'm determined to breastfeed ( if all goes to plan! ) and would love to know any hands tips or advice you all have (as well as recommended pumps etc?)

And just in general any other bits of info! Im a complete beginner and no family to ask at all so even the little basic things you think I may already know will be hugely appreciated! Any links to products etc also.

Thank you all soooo much in advance!💗

What* breast pumping advice/expressing advice I meant to say sorry!

@NewMum2021x how exciting, congratulations! It's easy to say don't worry but to be honest it can be a bit overwhelming. I would definitely say Google and mumsnet are your friend - the NHS pages on bathing babies etc. were really helpful I found. Chances are someone somewhere has asked the same thing!

• you don't need to put anything on baby when changing - you just use water and cotton / wipes and only use cream if they develop any soreness. I just have a tube of metanium which I put a bit on if there is any redness but my DS is (so far) not prone to nappy rash. You can get barrier creams as well if needed.
• should be nothing in the next to me cot at all - otherwise they could suffocate. Blankets need to be tightly round the legs and tucked in - usually the midwives will show you in hospital how it should be! Nothing near their face.
• bathing- my DS is now 4 months and I bathe him every night as part of bedtime routine but for the first 3 months I mostly did top and tails (just washing with water and cotton pads) and only bathed him once a week. Newborns shouldn't be bathed too often as it dries out their skin and shouldn't be any products for at least 6 weeks just water. Even now I alternate between just water and bubbles (just tesco baby bubbles) as otherwise his skin gets dry. I also found him quite difficult to bathe as a tiny baby so found it easier to have a bath with him but whatever works for you.
• expressing- main thing to remember is that if you can't express well that has nothing to do with your supply. You could have lots of milk but still not be able to express well. Sometimes it's the pump but I was told a lot of it is learned technique. So don't panic if it just doesn't work well for you. Tiny amounts initially are normal and sometimes you can build up to more. Breastfeeding in general can be really challenging so I would seek as much help as you can in hospital before they let you go as it can be tough without that face to face support.

Main thing is that there are no stupid questions- everyone else is just muddling through too and no one expects you to know instinctively what to do! You'll be fine

I have a six week old baby and agree with everything the previous poster said.

Regarding the cot, lots of newborns won't sleep unless they're held. So if your baby doesn't sleep in his cot at first, it's normal and nothing to worry about.

It's recommended that you don't express for the first month so that your supply establishes. I found breastfeeding very painful for the first few days. I got lots of advice that it shouldn't be painful if the baby latches correctly, but I found that my nipples needed a few days to get used to feeding. It's now not painful at all. Lanisoh nipple cream was really helpful for the first few weeks.

There are tons of lists of 'essential' baby items but I'm surprised at how little we actually use. Other than the real essentials like clothes and nappies, I'd recommend waiting until the baby arrives and buying things online as you need them.

One thing I wish I'd known before my baby was born was how irregular newborn breathing is. I spent the first week terrified that she couldn't breathe, but newborns just have erratic breathing.

Congratulations and best of luck

I would buy a good book about parenting. I had a Dorling Kindersley one which had step by step guide through pregnancy, birth, basic care, weening, childhood illness. It was really helpful ,lots of pictures. I still referred to it when children were quite old re accidents/rashes etc . Hopefully there is still something like that available that you can pick up and feel confident in.

Congratulations, though I'm a little bit out of date, I'll give whatever answers I can.

- when changing baby, do I need to put cream or anything else on before the new nappy to stop any sores etc? If so which ones do you all recommend?!
I used powder after a wee and sudocrem after a poop. Don't ask me why? I tried several nappies, but the only ones which worked in baby not getting nappy rash was Pampers. When they're teething, they will probably get a bad, red raw nappy rash. Dd's childminder recommended cornflour to me. It was like a miracle. Also, when her bottom was particularly sore, instead of wiping, I'd half fill my kitchen sink and pop her little bottom in there to rinse, and then pat her dry and cornflour lol. Yes - I bleached the sink afterwards every time.

- when putting the baby in the next to me cot, what should be in there/shouldn't be in there with them?

I was told nothing should be in there. Not even a teddy. When in the Moses basket, I put a tiny teddy in to see which way her head was facing, so that I'd know to face her head the opposite way on her next sleep. There is a risk of suffocation associated with fluffy teddies and such. Similarly, I obeyed the feet to the bottom rule. www.nhsinform.scot/ready-steady-baby/early-parenthood/going-home/sleeping-safely#:~:text=always%20putting%20them%20feet%20first,too%20close%20to%20their%20face

When they get a little older, bumpers on the side of cots can enable them to climb out of cot and potentially fall on top of their heads.

One thing which is very personal to me was being warned about not having a mobile over the cot. A neighbour of mine's child managed to get strangled by the strings of the mobile when it fell into the cot. The parents were both investigated by police, but it was ruled to have been a tragic accident. I was told, feet to bottom, cotton cellular blankets only.

Bathing baby? Not too often as their skin is quite delicate. I used these products.

baby wash

www.boots.com/johnsons-baby-bedtime-lotion-500ml-10260567

I pumped briefly and found it awful. Breastfeeding is not for everyone. I'll let others give you better advice on that, but one ESSENTIAL for your hospital bag is Lansinoh (nipple cream). Also bear in mind tops you're going to buy, that have easy access to breast, and of course a breastfeeding bra where you simply have to unclip the strap. And nipple pads, you'll leak a lot.

Hello! There’s so many different answers to these questions that you’ll likely get a slightly different answer from each poster!

• The less cream (and indeed any ‘product’) you can get away with, the better. Anything that affects the skin’s natural oils and pH is best avoided if possible on delicate skin. Change nappies frequently (at least with every feed, about 2-3 hourly, in the early days) and this should help to avoid rashes. If you notice any redness developing then use a tiny amount of cream. If you use too much it can make the nappy less absorbent, which then prevents moisture being drawn away from baby’s bottom.

• Have a look at the Lullaby Trust guidelines for safe sleep. And while you’re there have a look at their co-sleeping advice as it’s much safer to bedshare safely that fall asleep holding a baby through exhaustion unprepared - newborns aren’t keen on cots! The most important thing is to have nothing loose in the cot. Sleeping bags are great if your baby is big enough from birth, or blankets tucked in tightly under the armpits. Also have a look at the BASIS website for evidence-based, realistic infant sleep information.

• My four month old still only gets bathed (in just water) about once per week. I just top and tail as required. Lots of people like to bathe daily but I find it can be quite drying for my babies. My two year old still only has about 2 or 3 baths per week.

• Breastfeeding-wise I would massively recommend reading as much as you can about the fourth trimester, cluster feeding, normal newborn behaviour, how to know breastfeeding is going well, and how and when to seek support. Have a look at the UNICEF Baby Friendly website (the videos are good), KellyMom and La Leche League. You might want to try antenatal colostrum harvesting. I found the ‘Flipple’ technique really helpful for getting a deep latch.

Buy/borrow/beg/steel millions of baby vests and babygros. Their poop when breastfed is quite yellow (sometimes green???) and liquid. They will frequently leak out of nappies (again, I personally recommend Pampers) and you'll have to change them several times a day sometimes. If you have a husband who will do a daily wash for you, you'll be fine, but if not, you will need a lot. I would say 20 of each (I got hand me downs and some were bought as gifts). I bought a gorgeous white one for her first babygro and she is now in possession of that. You might want to keep every 'first' - I had it all in a suitcase. Her wristband, her name card, first babygro etc. They love all that shit when they're older.

I know it's not environmentally friendly, but sometimes you have to put your own mental health first - I bought nappy bags for the nappies. You will have to change several times a day when breastfeeding. Less frequent if on formula. You will be absolutely fucking exhausted, like nothing you've ever experienced, so you might be a day before you get to take the bins out. I bought scented nappy bags. Tesco I think?

LolaNova

I know! So true. Everyone eventually finds what works for them. It's so tough because you WILL hear conflicting advice from everyone. Even from medical professionals.

Don't panic, but be prepared.

Nappies
We don’t use anything on regular basis. Just as needed. We use reusable nappies (tots bots) and washable wipes (cheeky wipes), so just use warm water with the wipes. Weleda baby bum cream if needed if good at it’s more like a thick oil. Really recommend using cloth wipes, it means no chemicals and you can give their bum a proper wash each time so clean if not bathing daily. Also cheap and saves buying wipes again. We only bought the wipes and use in a normal Tupperware not the sets

• bed

Nothing apart for mattress protector and sheet on mattress. Then sleeping bag, swaddle, blanket or whatever baby is sleeping under. We used large Muslim as swaddle first 2 months, then sleeping bags

Breastfeeding

• my son is now 10 months. He has been exclusively breastfed but I haven’t ever even tried to express so you can do one without the other. I did buy some mini ready made formula and a bottle incase of emergencies, but when I tried he never really took to bottle. He’s now old enough to use beaker/ cup and just have water and food if I’m out.

Bathing
We did 1-2 times per week max when tiny. Their skin often dries out with too much bathing. Just water is fine. Weleda is good again when you add shampoo/bath. Recommend a decent baby oil to use after bathing if they do get dry skin when small.

The book your baby week by week is a must.

With boys and nappies, you need to watch out for pee. Newborns always wee the moment the nappy comes off. Boys have direction issues with that.

Have some kitchen roll nearby and put a folded square over his penis as soon as you take the old nappy off. Your ceiling / your face / his face will thank you

The baby academy run a free online course (that last two hours) about most of these questions, I'm a first time mum and found it quite helpful! They demonstrate everything for you too

Posters above have given good advice on the questions you asked. But I'm going to highlight some things no one told me that I wish I had known.

• you will bleed after birth no matter of you birth vaginally or via csection. This can last up to 6 weeks and is normal. Stock up on maternity pads.

-newborns will not be put down for love nor money. I recommend a strechty wrap sling. (amazon, 25 quid)

-feeding can take an hour a time. After you've fed, burped land held upright for a bit. This can be extremely exhausting byt it does improve.

• the witching hour. Some babies just have a witching hour. There isn't always a reason for it. I found the easiest way was to get through it however you can rather than searching for answers as to why all the time.

-babies have a sense for when you're about to eat and always wake up needing all your attention at exactly that point.

-batch cook before baby arrives. At least a weeks worth of healthy meals. It's a life saver. I also recommend ordering an online shop while in the hospital post birth to be delivered when you get home (for your oh to take delivery)

-a coffee machine you can operate with one hand is essential in my eyes!

• breastfeeding is thirsty work so have a bottle of water or squash nearby as well as a long phone charger.

-newborns are loud sleepers. Specifically sounding like goats a lot of the time. This is normal but can make sleeping at the same time difficult.

Good luck op and remember that everything is a phase with babies

Congratulations! Just remember there are no silly questions.

Also remember the whatever books you read, your lovely little one won’t have read any before they arrive. So they will still do things that you’re unsure of, that make question yourself and that’s ok. They do that even when they’re teenagers!

I don't use cream unless they are sore. I do find I need to pat DS2 dry if he's had loads of wipes.

Nothing in the cot with them except a blanket if they don't have a sleeping bag. No swaddling if they are in bed with you but you can swaddle if they are in a separate cot.

Breastfeeding suss out your sources of good experienced support. Search for public IBCLC figures on social media and follow them. You'll pick up loads of helpful info that way.

I never liked expressing and didn't do much of it. Never stopped me feeding. I've fed for a cumulative 6.5 years in total now.

Just bathed them when they seemed dirty or it had been a few days. Less often when newborn as they don't like it and it's stressful but I didn't have sicky babies.

My newborn had no issues with being put down, so I wouldn't necessarily expect it. Are Moses baskets still a thing? That's what she was in. When breastfed, my dd guzzled for about 10 minutes and was full. INFACOL. Breast or formula - that is a necessity.

Agreed about the thirst. When feeding, you will need a large bottle of water beside you as you get an unbelievable thirst.
Yes, the little blighters do appear to have a penchant for waking up when you're about to eat. My aunt brought me in dinners sometimes. I also survived on Digestive biscuits and cheese during the night. The only thing I had time to cook was noodles.

My baby was not noisy at all sleeping. Apart from once when she farted and woke herself up lol.

@Twizbe

The book your baby week by week is a must.

With boys and nappies, you need to watch out for pee. Newborns always wee the moment the nappy comes off. Boys have direction issues with that.

Have some kitchen roll nearby and put a folded square over his penis as soon as you take the old nappy off. Your ceiling / your face / his face will thank you

I bought this book and found it awful. It said after something like 8 weeks that baby should be able to sleep through now, which now that I understand everything better I see as a backhanded way of encouraging sleep training in young mum's by making it seem as if something is wrong with baby if they're not sleeping through. Such bullocks. It is totally normal for babies to still wake for either food or comfort (which is also fine and appropriate for their age) until many months later.

I would read the Science of Parenting instead, or the 'Why It Matters' series (Pinter & Martin) - very easy to read books that are all informed by science

@NewMum2021x
Hey hun, I’d massively recommend looking at a page called Blossom Antenatal. They’re a fab organisation that offer zoom Love antenatal sessions, many of which are for free and funded by the banardos charity. I was a little bewildered by everything but did a few of their sessions and feel really well prepped now. From breast feeding to the stages of labour and they even do post natal baby massage too. Their experts are awesome and it’s so nice to be able to ask all the questions to someone who really knows their shit :)

Not many here will agree with my advice, and I didn't before my DS was the age hes at now (10 months)
I wish I got DS into a routine earlier, bath time every night at the same time but only use baby washing products every other day. Nothing in next to me crib what so ever. But personally, after having one myself, I wish I never did. Ill tell you what I did and what I now wish I did.
I had him in a next to me from birth but soon after (around 1 month) co slept as I was breastfeeding and it was a lot easier. I pumped so OH could feed too. For naps I let him sleep on me whenever and whereever.
Now, what I wish I did was what most of my female relatives were telling me to do. And that was, naps in cot, sleep in a moses and then a cot at 6 months in own room and to not pump and treat breastfeeding as food and not comfort or a way to get to sleep. The reasons for this is he was a terrible sleeper, relied on my to get him to sleep. Was cranky all the time because he was tired. I was cranky all the time because he never slept through the night.
I sleep trained at 8 months and it was the best thing I did, for both of us! Despite being so against it. We're both so much happier for it and I now see all my mistakes.
Obviously this way isn't for everyone and it certainly wasn't something I was willing to do then, its just in hindsight I wish I did! I didn't know that parenting started from birth and the letting your baby lead you approach is nonsensical considering they've just arrived and we've had a good few years of this thing we call life!
Congratulations! Parenthood is really the most amazing gift! Its hard, gross, nerve-wracking, tedious and monotonous. But its also beautiful, fulfilling, exciting and rewarding! Best of luck OP x

Hi, I'm also a FTM. As someone else mention I'd highly recommend the baby academy. They do a free 2 hour class on safe sleeping, bathing, nappy changing, skin care etc so all the things you mentioned. The link is mybabyacademy.co.uk/free-online-workshop/
I also did the free breastfeeding online course through them the following week and thought that was a fab starting point too

@yahyahs22

Not many here will agree with my advice, and I didn't before my DS was the age hes at now (10 months) I wish I got DS into a routine earlier, bath time every night at the same time but only use baby washing products every other day. Nothing in next to me crib what so ever. But personally, after having one myself, I wish I never did. Ill tell you what I did and what I now wish I did. I had him in a next to me from birth but soon after (around 1 month) co slept as I was breastfeeding and it was a lot easier. I pumped so OH could feed too. For naps I let him sleep on me whenever and whereever. Now, what I wish I did was what most of my female relatives were telling me to do. And that was, naps in cot, sleep in a moses and then a cot at 6 months in own room and to not pump and treat breastfeeding as food and not comfort or a way to get to sleep. The reasons for this is he was a terrible sleeper, relied on my to get him to sleep. Was cranky all the time because he was tired. I was cranky all the time because he never slept through the night. I sleep trained at 8 months and it was the best thing I did, for both of us! Despite being so against it. We're both so much happier for it and I now see all my mistakes. Obviously this way isn't for everyone and it certainly wasn't something I was willing to do then, its just in hindsight I wish I did! I didn't know that parenting started from birth and the letting your baby lead you approach is nonsensical considering they've just arrived and we've had a good few years of this thing we call life! Congratulations! Parenthood is really the most amazing gift! Its hard, gross, nerve-wracking, tedious and monotonous. But its also beautiful, fulfilling, exciting and rewarding! Best of luck OP x

I'm the opposite, though. I wish I had never listened to all the sleep training culture. It is actually normal and healthier for babies to wake up at night - too deep a sleep is the main risk for SIDS. (See The Beyond Sleep Training Project for lots of info) I found cosleeping was amazing for my and DDs bond - especially after I went back to work and she started nursery. All babies end up sleeping in their own beds eventually. Everyone just makes you stress about it when your baby is still small, as if that's a measure of parenting achievement. Personally I found the cuddly years were over much too quickly. If I had spent those early months/first year or two stressing myself about routines rather than being responsive and close to my individual baby I would be full of regret now.