Partner doesn't want second child

[FHAV]

I told my partner I'm pregnant as I found out last week. We have been together 8 years and already have a 2 year old LG. To say he had a negative reaction would be an understatement. Though he used many more words the base of his point is have an abortion or I'm leaving you. He had a similar reaction to our last pregnancy but is now an amazing father. I feel so torn as I dont want to gamble on him changing his mind and don't want my LG to lose her father but also am not comfortable with having an abortion. I know he has concerns over the financial impact a second child may bring but I don't think we would be affected that badly.

Not sure what I'm looking for but any advice would be much appreciated!

Show him the door. If he didn't want any more kids he should have had a vasectomy and then used a condom every time. He has no right to do this to you and it's coercive behaviour, not on.

No way I'd have a termination for some guy, but only because I wanted one.

OP - did you and partner ever discuss second child? Were you using protection?

Wow so his snip failed?

I don't remotely understand men like this - those whose irresponsible ejaculations cause 'surprise' pregnancies. I'm sorry that I don't have practical advice. But he sounds like a right tosser!!

Why hasn’t he had the snip if he’s adamant he doesn’t want more children?

@Analysethat

OP - did you and partner ever discuss second child? Were you using protection?

We hadn't particularly discussed it, but we weren't using protection so both knew it was a possibility. He's now saying that was an oversight on his part and he doesn't want more children. I have always said one more. He's now saying if I have the termination we can discuss a second at a 'better' time but I can't decide if that's genuine or alterer motive. Also I don't think there's ever a perfect time!

@Blacktothepink

Why hasn’t he had the snip if he’s adamant he doesn’t want more children?

I have no idea, he's never even considered it which is why I thought he was half on the same page as me.

We hadn't particularly discussed it, but we weren't using protection so both knew it was a possibility. He's now saying that was an oversight on his part and he doesn't want more children. I have always said one more. He's now saying if I have the termination we can discuss a second at a 'better' time but I can't decide if that's genuine or alterer motive. Also I don't think there's ever a perfect time!

No, it's not a genuine offer. It's to get his own way. He was relying on yor using abortion as contraception. You've both been irresponsible but it's water under the bridge now you are pregnant.

@willibald

We hadn't particularly discussed it, but we weren't using protection so both knew it was a possibility. He's now saying that was an oversight on his part and he doesn't want more children. I have always said one more. He's now saying if I have the termination we can discuss a second at a 'better' time but I can't decide if that's genuine or alterer motive. Also I don't think there's ever a perfect time!

No, it's not a genuine offer. It's to get his own way. He was relying on yor using abortion as contraception. You've both been irresponsible but it's water under the bridge now you are pregnant.

Yes I had thought it's just another control tactic.

It's heartbreaking because I want to be excited about the new baby, I was genuinely happy when I found out but all that is completely overshadowed by what it might mean for my daughter and her family base

Don't have a termination you don't want.

Your relationship is over either way. If you keep the baby he will resent you or use it against you. If you abort against your will to please him you will resent him. Your relationship will never be the same.

So the only question you need to ask yourself is do you want to continue the pregnancy knowing you'll be a single parent.

You can’t be half on the same page about having children. That’s not a thing. He knew you wanted another child, you knew how he responded the first time you had an unplanned baby, neither of you used contraception and didn’t discuss what you getting pregnant would mean, now you’re pregnant and have got what you wanted and if he doesn’t want you to have the baby he’ll have to leave. It’s not the ideal set up to bring a baby into is it.

He’ll still be liable for maintenance but you can’t make him be happy. If your daughter loses having her mum and dad together it’s because the two of you chose not to discuss the major issues of contraception and the size of your family.

He’s worried about money. Do you both work?

I would always choose a baby, husband can walk out. Say see ya later. He chose not to use protection, knowing full well babies happen from unprotected sex.
I would never have an abortion someone else asked/told me to have

Don't let anyone force you into a decision

OP I am in a similar position but without the rudeness from your other half! I am pregnant with our 2nd and very much surprise baby. We discussed abortion as timing is awful but in the end I came to the decision that, that is what HE wants and not what I what! So that was that, I am keeping the baby. My partner has sucked it up and accepted the fact it's happening, and is now ok with it.
Your partner had control when you dtd. Please do not abort a baby just to please your other half because you will be the one dealing with the after effects from it, not him. He should have been more sensible if he doesn't want another child. X