I need to change a midwife-how to ask plse help

[ruva]

Hi ladies,
I am 24 weeks and booked at Queen Charlotte, on my booking appointment it was okay though i felt like a lost lamb, even ended up in a teen mom antenatal class by mistake I am 34 and my midwife saw me and said oh you still around, was told hubby did not need genetic counselling, i am aware of my status- recieved a call from a genetic counsellor saying i am being strongly advised to have my hubby tested, as they have been sued before.

"2nd appointment a different mw who was patronising talking to me like i was 15 saying when you start bleeding i know you will do the right thing wont you! She had left me waiting in the reception as she did not understand my blood tests and i told her i understood them and that i did not need to see a g.p as everything had been explained. She discussed my case with three collegues in the corridor and i heard one saying to her tell her not shag and she said whats that word, i went to the door and looked at them and said what you are discussing is confidential when she came came back she said just have cuddles i said when at 3o weeks or 36 weeks as i have a low-lying placenta i cant believe she could not say don't have sex. She must be about retirement age.
i am going back at 30 weeks can i ask for a different mw.

Sorry about the rant-i would rather give birth alone than have that cow near me.

omg she sounds awful! Do you have to have baby at that hospital?

am a little confused, re the genetic counselling issue..

certainly her discussing your with colleagues in a non sensitive way is bad

if you have a low lying placenta, then you are often advised to abstain from sex as it can cause bleeding

i would complain to the head of midwifery letting her know your issues

unless she is your named midwife and you are having one to one care, odds are , she won;t be at the birth, if she is, you can request someone else

I agree with Lulumama, you can write and complain about the unprofessional discussion with colleagues in the corridor and possible breach of yr confidentiality.
I am also confused about genetic counselling references.

But I think her age is irrelevant!

Ask the lead midwife (or if she is, then another one you like) to not see her again
I had to do this as one of them was horrid to me andkept saying'you must say no to hubby, he onnly wants a boy, thats why your having more babies'

Hi Lulumama,Awen,

I am in the catchment for queen char so thats where i have to deliver, the low lying placenta and shagging i understand will do it next year!!
We were supposed to have genetic counselling as i have a blood disorder which i was aware of, but my DP had not been tested, at the Booking appointment the mw told me it was not necessary for him to be tested until the genetic counsellor called me and told me that he had to be tested-So they are not sued in case our baby is born with the blood disorder.
He has now been tested i am waiting for the results.

Am a bit confused by your op too, are you saying she was too old and therefore embarassed to properly advise you about abstaining from sex? or was the age seperate? you are probably unlikely to see her again, perhaps go through what happened again and we will advise a bit more!

is she full time? i got round this awfulness by making sure i made appointments for the days my horrid midwife didn't work. instead i made appointments with the nice lentil weavery midwife

Littleducks-
In the corridor she discussed my case with two very young mw who used the word shagging, She is not originally from the uk and i think the word threw her off, and yes age is very releavant, Never enough- there are certain words which certain generations are embarassed or un comfortable to use.
I will defintely speak to the lead midwife thanks.
I have two see my g.p every two weeks as iam high risk. I also transfered from ivf.

have a look at the birthchoice.uk site, you will be in the catchment for more than one hospital i would have thought.. you can certainly request this MW is not a part of your care if you want to remain at QC

sounds like the genetic counselling has been handled badly., you don;t just get tested so that the hospital avoids being sued

Ruva - The a/n midwife will not be part of the team on labour ward looking after you, and even if she was, you can always request not to see her.

As for clinic, I would suggest that you speak to the manager in clinics, discuss your concerns and state that you no longer want to see m/w X at any future visits and that should be clearly written on the front of your notes (use a post-it stapled to the front.)

Hopefully your low placenta will move as time passes, but avoid sex at the moment

Also, you can change your booking to another hospital if you want, just ask your GP for a referral, but tbh, you can meet the odd insensitive pain in the arse wherever you go.

I totally agree with Mintpurple, and I'm a very old midwife