Unexpected Pregnancy

[Helpme987]

Hi all, sorry if this isn’t the correct way to post, I’ve never done it before. I’m 21, turning 22 in a month and this morning I did a random pregnancy test, cos I found one in the drawer. It was positive, I did 2 more tests, both positive. Guessing about 6/7 weeks at this point. I am in a long term relationship, we live together, and we are very happy. We’ve always wanted children, but I never wanted them this young. I’ve just started a job I really love, been taking care of my health, working out, reconnecting with old friends, just really happy with where my life is at the moment. My partner is super supportive, he agrees this wasn’t when he expected to have children but is more than happy to have a child now. Both my parents know, and are so supportive and caring and have always wanted grandchildren, and said they will be as helpful as they can be. We are in good financial situation, have a mortgage, and have a joint income of over £50k a year. I just don’t know what to do. On the one hand, I’m not ready to have a child, but on the other, I could never imagine going through with an abortion, and couldn’t live with the guilt. Even though at the moment, I don’t believe I would regret the decision of terminating the pregnancy, but I’m scared incase I would when it happened. Just looking for some advice, your own stories, just anything really. Thank you so much in advance

Congratulations ! you will find a way , it sounds like you have good parents , good partner ,home .job etc .
May not be planned but even when planned as my 3 were i still remember feeling what have i done ! each time.
You have many advantages being young parents , energy for one ! also you will still be fairly young when child gets older , still loads of time to do your own things.
You can still do the things you mention , it just needs some give and take.
Babies are delicious , i bet you wouldn't regret it .
Certainly life changes but i think most parents agree they don't regret having children .

Thank you for your lovely response! That’s what I keep telling myself - once the baby arrives there wouldn’t be an ounce of regret, whereas with a termination there’s a risk I may really live to regret it

Absolutely !

OP - I’m 35 and when I got that positive I was like “omg what have I done, I’m not ready to have a baby”

Doesn’t matter what age you are it’s quite a shock when it happens to you.

From what you have said you sound a great position so I really hope everything works out well for.

Thanks for the advice, just hoping I can shake this feeling that I may be making a mistake!

You sound like you're in a really good position at the moment albeit a little younger than anticipated. What do you imagine will have changed between the position you are in now and the position you anticipated being in at the age you would liked to have started a family?
I'm pro choice but you don't sound like termination is a real consideration for you and I think to have a termination you have to be nearly 100% sure it's the right thing for you.

I ttc my children in my 30s and with each positive pregnancy test I had the sand what the hell have we done moment. It’s only natural as it’s a big change.

You are in a stable relationship, got a good job which you can go back to. Get the babies out the way then crack on climbing the career ladder closer to 30, just coast for now for an easier life.

Doesn’t sound like you will regret having them at all

To be honest I wanted to be around 27, in an ideal world. Obviously things don’t always work out that way which is fine. I think it’s just the initial shock, and fear that I still may have a selfish mindset and not ready to share my life with a tiny human, I have definitely always wanted to be a mum, I think I just need to get past the initial fear and confusion as I definitely agree, I am kidding myself that a termination is an option. Even my mum told me all my fears are entirely irrational, for example my job not being there for me to go back to, which of course it will. Thanks for your kind words, it’s definitely what I have needed to hear today.

Oh @Helpme987, what a surprise! Maybe you had a subconscious feeling though?
I’ve spent a lot of money putting myself through IVF and at 5 weeks pregnant I’m still going through the ‘oh my god what have I done, I’m not ready!) thoughts - and I’m 43... Obviously there’s no perfect time to have a baby, but it sounds like your life at the mo is pretty great with lots of supportive people around you and that’s all you can really ask for.
You have a bit of time to think it over if you need to.

To be fair, there was a lot that when I found out I was like ohhhh! So that’s why I’ve been feeling like that!! It’s definitely a huge reassurance that there doesn’t seem to be a point in anyone’s life that there necessarily ‘ready’ and it looks different for everyone! Thank you!

To give a balanced view, I was in your position many years ago, but just turned 23. I had an abortion and I was upset at first, felt that it was a loss because I never wanted to abort it in my heart but I knew in my head it was the right thing to do.

Now I'm older I am so so so glad I made that decision. My life wouldn't have been bad, but it certainly wouldn't be as good as it is now.

I don't need to list all that I've achieved between that time and now, but you're unmarried, and 50k between you is not ALOT of money, it's okay. If that's what you want? If you want more then consider working on your career first, have nice holidays, have some time to spend money on yourself and your home?

You sound sensible and like you would make a good parent at any time, you can still be a good parent at 27+ and still do all the baby family things in a few years. This isn't a now or never situation. You have the option later.

Enjoy your twenties first

Thank you for commenting, I really appreciate your comment from the other point of view. That’s what concerns me, I enjoy being young, going out holidays etc, so my reasons for possibly terminating are purely selfish. I definitely have a lot of thinking to do.

Working on yourself and your life so you're in a even better position for children in the future is the opposite of selfish.
If you have an abortion your life will be different for a few weeks but will remain unchanged, you will continue as you were. If you keep the pregnancy your life will flip on its head and there's no going back.

Being unmarried would worry me, hypothetically would your BF get married before it was born? You're in a very vulnerable position on maternity leave/pay with a baby unmarried.