Pregnant one cycle after MMC, struggling

[TomatoSoup69]

Hi gang,

I had a MMC at the end of November last year, discovered at a private scan at 9+1, baby stopped at 8+5 they think. I had the private scan as the week before my father died very suddenly, and I had found him. It was extremely traumatic. We had the scan because I had a bad feeling, just very anxious that the good thing we were hoping for had also gone wrong. It was awful.

Anyway, I had an ERPC/Surgical Management of Miscarriage at 9+1, on the 27th of November. Period came back ~5 weeks later. I conceived next cycle, January and am now roughly 8+6.

I'm struggling. I've been ok the past few weeks, excited, hopeful, cautious, but OK. Last time I had barely any sickness, until the few days directly before, during and after the miscarriage was discovered, when I suddenly felt terrible and started vomiting in the mornings. At the time, the few days before the scan, I looked it up and presumed it was because hCG is supposed to peak around weeks 8/9. I also for the week prior had struggled to eat, drink or sleep, I was a wreck (dad), and I had read that stress and exhaustion can make Morning Sickness much worse.

Yesterday (8+5 - the day I was told last stopped) I had horrendous sickness. Vomiting. This pregnancy I have actually had MS (all day) most days since 6 or 7 weeks, so it has been different, but then yesterday it was just the worst it has been. I can't help but try to read horrible patterns. Patterns that either aren't there, or are there but I know intellectually don't mean anything. All pregnancies are different, I know.

Anyway, just asking for help, for tips, support, anything you can offer me to get through this. I have decided not to have a private scan this time, but to just hunker down and wait for my NHS 12 week (I have various reasons for this, but feel like it's the right decision for us). I know from lurking that unfortunately many of you have been through similar experiences.

I've seen people say 'take it a day at a time' but I don't know practically what this means. Any more insight would be gratefully received.

Anyway, I've gone on a bit. Thanks in advance for any advice.

Hello, I'm in a similar situation, had a missed miscarriage in December at 10 weeks, it had stopped growing at 7 weeks days after a scan showed all was fine.

I'm 6 weeks now, and taking it exactly as you mentioned, a day at a time. For me this means not planning or thinking ahead like I did last time/in previous pregnancies, literally just taking each day as it comes and just getting to the end of that day. At most I'm thinking as far as gp appointment, early scan, 12 week scan where I will find out if its another mc or actual pregnancy, so I'm keeping myself in the constant knowledge that it can go either way, that's the only way I can get through it.

Hey. Sorry for your loss on both accounts and congratulations for your current pregnancy. I had a loss in September and am now pregnant again from having an embryo put back in December. I really really struggled at first. We had scans at 6 and 8 weeks with our ivf clinic and I would only feel reassured for about a week after before I felt doom and gloom again. I started to tell myself that there is nothing I can do to change the outcome, all I can do is love and trust my baby as much as I can and have hope for them. So I used to repeat to myself over and over when I was panicking "my baby is loved, my baby is safe, my baby is happy". It might not work for everyone but it calmed me down a bit. I was adamant I wasn't going to have any private scans but freaked out so much at 11 weeks that I went for one. I really didn't enjoy the experience, it all seemed a little baby farm to me! But I saw the heartbeat and it tided me over until my 12 week scan. Now I'm nearly 14 weeks I would love to say I'm feeling more at ease, and on the whole I am, but I'm always going to have that fear unfortunately.

@TomatoSoup69 so sorry for the losses of both your pregnancy and father, what a difficult time for you. Congratulations on your new pregnancy.

Any pregnancy after loss is filled with that fear. I had a mmc in early 2019 and fell pregnant 8 months later with my now dd. I was petrified in the first trimester as I'd seen a heartbeat in the previous pregnancy and still had a mmc.

When I was pregnant with my dd I had an overwhelming sense of fear at 7 weeks when my symptoms totally stopped. I booked a scan for that day and actually had a panic attack in the waiting room, thinking I'd be told it was another mmc. It wasn't. For a few weeks I felt settled and then at 10+5 I was so anxious again that I did a 75 mile round trip for a scan that Saturday afternoon as it was the closest place I could be scanned that day. She was fine. It was only just over 2 weeks until my 12 week scan at that point and I felt much more reassured.

If you can afford it, maybe get another scan around 10 weeks, or each week if you need to. I have to say that I was never desensitised to scans, I had a 4D one at 32 weeks and still had that same anxiety. I thought I'd only relax really when baby arrived (little did I know that motherhood is a whole new world of fears!) but as time went on, I began to enjoy pregnancy more.

Remember, you are overwhelmingly likely to have a successful pregnancy and only a very small percentage of lost pregnancies are a mmc. Let yourself have that hope that this time, you're in the bigger percentage and are going to have a healthy baby.