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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Will boyfriend come round to unplanned pregnancy?

28 replies

nolongerwhite · 06/03/2021 08:08

I'm 39, he's 50 so we aren't young. I'm 8 weeks pregnant with an unplanned baby. He isn't coping well. He's being quite distant and has made it clear he wishes it wasn't happening. This is despite him previously saying that having children has been a dream of his. He doesn't have any other children. Is he likely to come round to this pregnancy or is it more likely I need to face being a single mum? I don't think I could go through with a termination at this point.

OP posts:
Lofu · 06/03/2021 08:15

You're very early pregnant so he hasn't had a lot of time to sit with the news, and yes wow having a baby at 50 is a lot to take in.

How would you feel about being a single mum?

Longtalljosie · 06/03/2021 08:18

How long have you been together?

Original poster
nolongerwhite · 06/03/2021 08:19

I'm actually already a single mum to a 4 year old. I was married previously. I would be gutted to have to do it all alone again but overall I could cope with it. I just hoped that if I ever had another baby, I would be in a strong relationship and not have to go it alone.

OP posts:
THATbasicSNOWFLAKE · 06/03/2021 08:19

How long have you been together?

Original poster
nolongerwhite · 06/03/2021 08:19

We've only been together for 6 months. It is far too soon from that perspective.

OP posts:
THATbasicSNOWFLAKE · 06/03/2021 08:22

I think i would prepare yourself to do it alone, if he comes around then great but i don't think you can assume he will

ivfbeenbusy · 06/03/2021 08:23

Sorry at age 50 and only being with you 6 months I can see why he isn't happy and sadly I can't see him coming round to this.

Was this a contraception failure?

activitythree · 06/03/2021 08:26

I think by the time we get to 50 we all have a very good idea of what we want. I thought you were going to say he was very young to react the way he has. Even if he doesn't want a baby he isn't acting maturely at all.

ThisIsClare · 06/03/2021 08:27

I can see why he's reacting that way. He's 50 and you've been together five minutes.

woollysheeps · 06/03/2021 08:27

Only he can decide what he wants to do given time, let him think and give him space as difficult as it is.
Some unplanned pregnancies can really turn a person around to the best doting dads.
I know of a family pregnant 3 wks into knowing each other now married for 23yrs so who knows.

How are you coping and going to is your first priority.

Original poster
nolongerwhite · 06/03/2021 08:28

Yes, it was a contraception failure.

OP posts:
BronnauMawrion · 06/03/2021 08:30

I think you need to think about what YOU want. Take him out of the equation in your decisions. He can come along for the ride or not.

Original poster
nolongerwhite · 06/03/2021 08:32

That's good advice Bronnau. I'm very confused.

OP posts:
Somethingkindaoooo · 06/03/2021 08:34

So...
Been together 6 months, most of that time in lockdown ( I'm assuming UK, but may not be?). You have a small child...

In those circumstances, I can't see how you could know each other very well?

I would assume that you would be going it alone.

TokyoSushi · 06/03/2021 08:36

Yes I agree, take him out of it for now and focus on getting yourself sorted and taken care of, it sounds like you'll be fine to do it by yourself if necessary. Flowers

ivfbeenbusy · 06/03/2021 08:37

He can't force you to terminate but you can force him to be a father when he doesn't want to be - which whilst isnt fair is the way things are - give Him some space and time to come to terms with it? He may be feeling pretty resentful at the moment etc that you have trapped him into this and he'll need time to deal with those feelings

justanotherneighinparadise · 06/03/2021 08:37

I suspect he will adapt but I don’t know him, you know better than us!! DP was very shocked when I first told him I was pregnant many years ago even though we knew it was a possibility. I knew straight away I wouldn’t have an abortion and if he asked me to have one I would walk away from him and have the baby alone. Luckily he got with the program within a week.

If it were me I would decide myself what my plan was and then make my intentions clear. If you’re dithering about whether to continue it gives him carte blanche to dither too. If you state you shall be continuing the pregnancy and he can be involved or chose not to be then at least he knows it’s happening and is more likely to have to proper think about his feelings.

starrynight21 · 06/03/2021 08:39

Does he have other children OP ?

Original poster
nolongerwhite · 06/03/2021 08:43

Justanother, thank you for your wise words. How wonderful that in your case, DP got with the program xx

OP posts:
Original poster
nolongerwhite · 06/03/2021 08:43

Starrynight, no he doesn't have any other children.

OP posts:
starrynight21 · 06/03/2021 08:56

@nolongerwhite

Starrynight, no he doesn't have any other children.
I'd guess that getting to 50 without ever having children would make this pregnancy a BIG shock to him. An experienced father might be surprised, but he'd have some experience of the situation. Being childless at 50 and then having an unplanned pregnancy - wow, that's a biggie.

If you intend to keep this no matter what, I'd plan on doing it solo.

Chelyanne · 06/03/2021 09:13

You're only early on, he hasn't had very long to process the news. I'd understand you being worried if your due date was looming and he was still distant.
Prepare to do it alone by all means but give him chance to get his head around it all.

Original poster
nolongerwhite · 06/03/2021 09:25

We are going to meet on Monday to talk about it some more. I think he's very shocked. So am I.

OP posts:
DollyParton2 · 06/03/2021 09:39

50 really isn’t that old to become a father nowadays at all! A lot of women I know only started having kids late 30s and they’re often with partners/ husbands 10 years older. Pretty standard.

Original poster
nolongerwhite · 06/03/2021 09:51

I agree with you Dolly and he does too or at least he did before it was a reality!

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