Pregnant again after missed miscarriage and PANICKING

[aac1994]

So I just found out I am pregnant (5+4) again after a missed miscarriage in October and am feeling absolutely overwhelmed with anxiety at every tiny twinge.
My missed miscarriage happened at 12 weeks but the little embryo didn’t grow past week 5/6 - aka, what I am now, so I’m just FREAKING OUT that it’s all going to happen again. I’ve been getting cramps all morning some more painful than others and I’ve been feeling dizzy and lightheaded too - BOTH symptoms of an ectopic pregnancy and I’m just so paranoid that I’m going to go have another loss. Literally every time I go to the toilet (which is a lot at the moment) I expect to see blood there.
I am well aware that I’m over googling and researching and making my head spin - but does anyone have any tips on how to not spend all day sat waiting for something terrible to happen? I just don’t know if I can wait THREE WEEKS until I get to speak to a midwife at my booking appointment and then another FOUR until my first scan without having some sort of confirmation that everything is okay in there.
We’ve also decided not to tell our family and friends until the first scan this time because having to tell everyone we’d lost the first was honestly like living it over and over. So I feel like I’m kind of doing this solo as I don’t really want to panic my partner with my doom and gloom mindset either - it’s bad enough with just me panicking - never mind us both doing it!
I AM FREAKING OUT. SEND HELP.

Hello,

Sorry you hear about your miscarriage in October. I went through the same thing in March 2020, I'm now 28 weeks and everything has been absolutely fine so far. I was in the same boat as you at the beginning, freaking out at every twinge, worrying I'd see blood when I went toilet (tmi sorry), didn't want to be negative around my partner etc. but I just want to try and give you hope, that it will be okay! If you need anything or want to just share your worries then please feel free to get in touch.

Keep yourself calm and as positive as you can, I know its hard x

I’m sorry to hear about your miscarriage
I had a missed miscarriage at 13.5 weeks (baby stopped growing at 12w) in October 2018. Last year I fell pregnant again and was exactly how you’ve described. My anxiety was through the roof and it set my ptsd (from pregnancy with DS) off in a completely new way. I’m currently holding my 19 day old DD but I completely understand how you feel and it’s awful. Obviously you have the option of a private scan if you wish.

I'm in an almost identical situation, and unfortunately you just have to keep yourself calm and stop spiralling, take it day by day and accept that it's out of your control. Stop googling, try some calming techniques but just try and distract yourself and get ahead of the panic before it hits you.

So sorry, have had 3 mcs and it truly puts you in a state of anxiety. Your job is to take it minute by minute and hour by hour. Get some stress relief techniques that work for you - going for a walk, having a bath, meditating etc. Sending a handhold. I had two successful pregnancies in the end - sincerely wishing the same for you

Honestly thank you all so much for your reassuring words @dreaming97 @Garman @BigGreen @Youvegotafriendinme - I think I just had to get my worries down somewhere and hearing that you all eventually have had success and everything has been okay is just what I needed to hear! I know my body knows what it’s doing but you just feel so out of control it’s absolutely crazy! I’m trying to distract myself, on furlough at the moment so it’s pretty tricky to stay busy - usually I’d exercise but I feel so fatigued and am worried (unnecessarily I know) that strenuous activity will cause something to go wrong!
Why don’t we learn about any of THIS stuff in school?! 😂😂

Sorry for your loss and that you feel like this. You aren't the only one I promise!

Cramps are completely normal in early pregnancy as is dizziness - I had both of these early on in all 3 PG (2 losses one now 35 wks). They were genuinely indistinguishable and were not associated with my losses.

If you can relax do - take a bath, do some mindfulness etc. If you're anything like me though once your mind is racing any kind of relaxation just gives you more time to think! I found distractions more useful at those times - sounds strange but computer games and puzzles helped me calm down because I had to think about them. Once I was a bit calmer the relaxation would work better. I also found things like yoga where I had to focus on what my body was doing better than just listening to mindfulness recordings.

You could think about paying for an early scan - I'll warn you now that the relief will be temporary and waiting to go in is pretty nerve-wracking but it might help to break down the time a little.

I would also say have a think about whether there is anyone you can talk to. I didn't tell anyone about my first loss and felt a lot of shame with it. With my second we hadn't made an announcement but I'd told a couple of close friends about my pregnancy and previous loss and it helped me feel less alone and cope with everything a bit better. You could also consider asking your GP about counselling if it might help you to have someone independent to talk to. They can hopefully help you process your previous loss and cope with the thoughts and feelings in this pregnancy.

It is terrifying being pregnant after mc. Unfortunately all you can do is try to stay busy and keep hoping all will be well this time. Congratulations and good luck.

I've had 5 mc between 8 & 12wk and I haven't counted how many chemicals. Current one follows 2 mc (as did our 2nd child), I had an early scan last time as I was struggling with the anxiety. Although it was nice to see baby it didn't stop me feeling very uneasy and a week later I mc it at 9+3 (spotting started 3 days earlier). This time I held out for my dating scan, it was an excruciating wait but glad I did. Baby was very active unlike my other pregnancy scan where the only movement was the flickering of it's heart. 7 week wait for the anomaly scan and I can't wait that long again so got a private well being/gender scan booked for tomorrow (half way between). Can not wait to see how baby is doing and hubby gets to come this time too, this is baby #6 for us.

Hi there everyone - I don’t know if this will send you all notifications to update you on what’s been happening with me - but I thought I’d post an update just as you were all kind enough to send me your lovely words when I needed them most.

Unfortunately it’s not good news for me again. After the cramps mentioned above my dr booked me in for a scan at the early pregnancy ward for the following Monday (three days later). The scan showed a pregnancy sac that looked empty - after bloods showed very low progesterone levels they called me to tell me it was probably bad news and that I’d need to be rescanned a week later. Later that afternoon I started bleeding but it was light and certainly not as heavy as my first miscarriage. Anyway, I had the second scan this morning - which showed that I still had a sac in there and that I would need medical assistance with getting it out. So I’ve got a whole load of crap to look forward to this week, which is annoying as I just want to move on and reset. So, miscarriage number two - I guess they do say third times the charm right?

Emotionally I’m actually feeling okay - I’m being super rational about the whole thing and know that in life - good things come to those who wait AND quite frankly - the best things in life are the things worth fighting and fighting for.

I will get my baby one day - I feel it in my bones! But for now - if all the bloody pregnant woman and women with new born babies could stop appearing EVERYWHERE that would be great!

Thank you again for your support ladies - I wish you all the luck in the world on your journeys ❤️

@dreaming97 @Garman @BlueberryPancake21 @Youvegotafriendinme @Chelyanne @BigGreen

@aac1994 that is sad news but glad you have come to terms with it quickly. You take good care of yourself.
I wish you the best of luck with ttc once you are ready, I'm sure you will get your much wanted baby eventually.