Did you wait to tell people you were pregnant?

[duffy]

I've just found out I'm pregnant and I'm desperate to tell friends and family - not least to explain why I feel so lousy - but a bit of me feels I should keep it a secret until the end of the first trimester just in case anything goes wrong. But then again, it's not like I wouldn't tell close friends that I'd miscarried so maybe I'm just being superstitious. Can anyone advise?

never never never never NEVER!!!

Well as I've only conceived with IVF treatment, it makes keeping things a secret a bit more difficult. First time round was easy: we started telling people once we had had two scans showing a heartbeat (at 6 and 8 weeks). This time was more difficult: MIL had to come over to look after DS (18m) whilst I was in hospital for egg retreival, and my mum looked after him a few days later during embryo transfer - so no chance of any secrets. I also had various friends looking after him for the numerous appointments in the run-up. The only confusing aspect to this was that when we tested, the result was negative, and as the phone started ringing immediately we let people know. It was a week later when I realised that I still hadn't had my period, and I tested again to find that it was positive. When we saw the heartbeat a week later we started putting the record straight, but a number of my friends are wondering as how I managed to get the test wrong!

(As an aside we tested whilst on holiday at Bedruthan Steps - fantastic place. Thinking the cycle failed we booked again for next year. Of course once I realsed I was pg I checked the dates - of course I've gone for the week of my due date!)

Miriam

We weren't going to tell anyone till 12 weeks, but the fact that I wasn't drinking was a bit of a giveaway. I had a threatened miscarriage at 6 weeks, so had to go in for an early scan. I rang DH excitedly to tell him it was all clear, and he came home shamefaced that evening and admitted to telling everyone at work because he had been caught dancing around with the telephone still in his hand.

Congratulations!!! Does this mean we mumsnetters are amongst the first to know?! I think it's up to you, but I agree it's something you and your partner should do together, or at least you should be the one to tell YOUR friends! And I think it is superstitious "not to tell", it's not like the telling will cause a problem! If anything, NOT telling would have stressed me out more! (Having said that, I know I was blessed in not miscarrying having had to re-tell everyone.)

When I went to the gp to confirm my first pg with dd, after having a + test at home, I asked him if I should tell anyone yet. His response was "why not?" He said there was no reason to assume I wouldn't have a perfectly normal pg'cy, as I was young and healthy etc. As it turned out I couldn't help myself and told close workmates at about 8 wks, (after telling family first of course) as well as the boss. Then I had severe morning sickness more or less straight after that, which meant weeks off work and time in hospital on a drip, so then everyone knew! With pg2 (ds), I also told people fairly soon, although I waited a bit longer to tell workmates (I was working in a new place by this time). Most of them had guessed anyway since I was off sick for a week or so with an "unspecified illness!"

The passing of the first trimester seems to be like some magic "sign" or something, but really I think it's better to assume all is well from the start, be positive and go from there. All the best!

Well thanks for all your advice and suggestions. I've decided to keep it a secret for now - i'm 7 weeks - and hold out for the scan. Don't really know why - we're just going to enjoy our little secret. But if anyone confronts me and I should think friends might notice I'm off the sauce I'm sure I'll crack.
Thanks again for taking the time to reply.