Pregnant after a stillbirth - the final weeks approach

[CHOCOLATEPEANUT]

I am 36.1 weeks pg after a stillbirth in Apr 2005.

I have remained emotionally detached from this pregnancy for fear of it all happening again and now as the end approaches I worry that I am not ready.

I finally got practical a couple of weeks ago and we have all the items we will need and nursery is almost finished but its hard to realise that a baby is going to be here.

With my first dd who is now 4, I felt so differently and my sister says you do feel different after your first and not as excited but when baby arrives it all clicks into place.

But i wonder if my feelings are not normal and when baby does arrive I will not be emotionally ready.Does this make sense to anyone?

I am also in a sheer panic he will come early as I have had the house totally renovated and kitchen is not in till end of week. I dont think thats helping with me being able to get ready either.

I think your feelings are perfectly normal and will change when your baby arrives safely. I will agree with yuor sister on not feeling as excited when pregnant, I know I will love this one but at moment its OK lets get on with it and everyone else seems more excited then I am.

Good luck for the next few weeks.

I can only imagine how much stress you must be under so just wanted to wish you all the best. I had a healthy pregnancy after two MCs and lord knows that was hard enough, but I know all about the denial, as I held off buying most stuff until quite late in the day too.

DD was also my number 2 and I worried that I wouldn't bond with her due to ambivalence whilst pregnant, plus a bad case of ante-natal depression. I'd also foregone any testing so my immediate thoughts were "is she OK?"

I can honestly say it wasn't the immediate, overwhelming sense of love I'd felt with my DS, but I was in for a few days as I'd had a c-section, and by the end of our time in hospital I was totally smitten with her. The time we had alone in there was very helpful to the whole bonding process and I'm glad now that we had that time together.

You're feelings are perfectly normal, and ready or not it's going to happen.....it will slot into place.

Wishing you well xx

i too have had no tests (im 40) and all though scans seem ok you do wonder.

All sorts go through my mind on a daily basis and I dont have very healthy pregnancies as well so that kind of drains me too

I have moments where I cant wait bit its been such a hard slog getting here since loosing our second dd that the relief will be overwhelming

CP, I wish I had some words to say that would make you feel better

All I can say is that, statistically, things are probably going to be fine . I know that's probably not much consolation at the moment, but I don't know what else to say.

Are you telling your DP/DH how you feel? I hope the two of you are keeping on talking through all of this.

I know it must be hard, but you will get through this, and will have your lovely DC in your arms very soon. Big {{hugs}} to you.

Wishing you strength for the coming few weeks, and I'll look out for your birth announcement

Hi - I think we are due on the same day (1 Dec) so I know physically how you must be feeling, but not emotionally...
However when I gave birth to dd in 2005, there was a woman in the opposite bed who had just given birth to a beautiful, loud and lusty little boy almost exactly a year after she had had a stillbirth.
I first saw her a few hours after the birth and she was an emotional wreck - I think she had been holding onto all these emotions until the baby was safely born, and then let it all out.
She explained to me what had happened as she could see I was a little shocked and puzzled! Anyway as time went on she calmed down and by the next day she was brilliant, a real support to me as I was having my first baby (it was her fourth).
So I would just say be prepared for all sorts of emotions after the birth, but this is totally normal. I am absolutely no expert but you may be holding a lot in at the moment which might only be released once you have your new baby safely with you.
Good luck - I'll race you to the finishing line!!!

Thanks for that Claraq

Yes I am due on 1st and if I dont give birth by then I will either be induced (if ready) or section on 3rd.

I can really realte to that woman,I know thats how I will be and my family will probably think I am nuts as they have all moved on if you know what I mean? They will prob panic and think I am going nuts but if I feel like bawling then I will.

Do you share my feelings about being less excited about it not being the first? Those feelsings can be confusing

CP - I am getting more excited as the Big Day draws closer. I wasn't as excited earlier in the pregnancy but now I am starting to think about it a lot more. But as I understand the reality of having a baby this time, my excitement is tempered by the dread of all those night feeds, cracked nipples and all the other horrors that go with having a newborn!

I had a c/s first time round but am hoping for a natural birth this time. If not I will be having another section 10 - 12 days after due date (so looks like you will almost certainly get there before me!).

I would warn anyone who might be around after the birth what you might be like - I am sure they will all be very sympathetic and supportive. I know the woman in the hospital with me got great support from the hospital staff, some of them had been there on the day she had lost her previous baby and she got extra special treatment. I got the feeling that her husband was at a bit of a loss as to how to behave around her but that's probably just men for you - not usually so good at dealing with their emotions!

CP - I think you have remained detached because that has been what you have needed to be to get you through. When your baby is here, the love and the readiness to be a mum again will come. Together, as others have said, with many other emotions.
My experience echoes your sister - it is very very different. With dd3 I only woke up to the fact that I needed a car seat 3 days before she was due (she was late anyway)and with both dd2 and 3 I could never imagine beforehand what it would be like to love another child. All the best for the rest of your pregnancy and for the future.

claraq

I had a cs with dd1 and I delivered my stillborn daughter naturally and have a very strong urge to do so with this baby.For me, pushing out a living baby will give me some kind of closure.

My cons has been brilliant and has agreed to let me go for a vbac but as I dont want to go over (40 weeks is long enough as each day I imagine it will end) he is seeing me at his first clinic after my due date and if it looks like my body is ready he will induce me.If not it will be another section but the main thing is that baby is ok so if it has to be cs then I am ok with that.