My Miscarriage Story
I am writing this in the hope that it will help anyone who is going through the same thing to know what is ahead.
We decided at the start of December 2020 to start trying for our second child, fast forward January 15th 2021 I suddenly noticed that my boobs were feeling a little sensitive than usual so decided to take a test, 3 tests later I knew for certain that I was pregnant and according to the clear blue test 1-2 pregnant which means 3-4 weeks pregnant which would make sense looking at my period dates.
23rd January 2021 I decided one day to take another clear blue test just out of curiosity, and it stated 2-3 weeks pregnant. Me and my partner were ecstatic. We worked out that the baby would be due roughly the end of September 2021. We were so happy.
30th January just after putting my son to bed, I noticed a little bit of brown spotting when I went to the toilet. I panicked as this never happened in my first pregnancy. After talking to my partner, we decided to ring 111 non-emergency for advice & reassurance. They rang back and advised me to ring the Early Pregnancy Unit first thing in the morning to be assessed & scanned to see what was going on.
1st February I rang the Early Pregnancy Ward first thing and was told due to new COVID regulations that they didn’t have anyone in to scan if they are bleeding, they just let nature take it’s course and advise us to take another pregnancy test in 3 weeks. She asked for me e-mail address and sent over an information leaflet regarding miscarriages. This upset me quite a bit as the thought of waiting 3 weeks to find out if I was still pregnant or not made me very anxious. My partner was mortified with what they had told me on the phone. I decided to see if I could get a private scan. I booked a scan for that afternoon.
I was very nervous when I got to the scan, they did a vaginal scan as I was very early and advised me it would be more accurate. They informed me that my uterus is retroverted. And they advised they couldn’t find anything, meaning I was either not as far ahead as I thought, I had miscarried, or it was an ectopic pregnancy. They contacted my local hospital and advised me to go straight to A&E for further assessment.
I arrived at A&E at approx. 4pm. They examined me and took bloods. I left A&E at 7pm and was advised to ring the Early Pregnancy Ward the next day to arrange to have bloods taken again in 48 hours.
3rd February, I had bloods taken again in the morning and was told they would contact me in the afternoon with results. 4pm came and no contact so I decided to ring them. She apologized and said that she hadn’t had time to look. She checked them there and then and my hcg levels had come down from 312 to 298 which was a decrease, but only a slight decrease. She asked me to come in the next day for a scan. She said she would have expected them to decrease a lot quicker if it was a miscarriage, but yet again she would expect them to rise if everything was ok.
4th February 11.40am I attended the hospital for a scan, they started with a normal ultrasound then once again decided on the vaginal. She told me there was no sign of fluid on the ultrasound which was good. A few minutes in to the vaginal, she showed me pictures of what I think was the sac. At the time I didn’t think to ask exactly what it was as I was so anxious about what was to come. But there was something there. She said by looking at my scan, and blood test, and the fact that I had been bleeding for a few days that I’ve had an early miscarriage. My heart sank. Even though I had prepared myself for it, and had a few days to get my head around it, it still didn’t make it any easier hearing those words.
I look back at the weeks before this happened and think if I did anything wrong or if there was anything I could have done different. The only thing I do remember is sitting at the dinner table exactly a week before I started bleeding and having quite a bit of cramping. I remember telling my partner ‘I can’t remember this last time, must be my uterus stretching.’ I think something may have happened then, as I don’t think I felt any cramping after that evening.
What I want to make everyone aware of, which I wasn’t aware is that it can take up to 3 weeks for you hcg levels to increase completely meaning that you can experience pregnancy symptoms after miscarrying. This was the hardest bit for me. I was bleeding from miscarrying, but I still woke up in the morning feeling nauseas, and my boobs still felt sensitive. I even felt like my belly was growing. I still felt completely pregnant.
21st February 2021 Fast forward 3 weeks to the day from when I started bleeding, I am still spotting off and on but my test has finally come back ‘Not Pregnant.’ Seems strange being happy to see a negative test so that it can all be over.
My first pregnancy wasn’t planned, I was out every weekend drinking heavily with my friends, and I was even on the pill and still taking the pill up until I found out and the pregnancy was so straight forward. This pregnancy was planned, and this is how it has ended. Yes, we got pregnant straight away, we could have been trying for months, and I was only roughly 6-7 weeks gone, but hearing this does NOT make it any easier.
It will get easier in time, but at the moment me and my partner are grieving like we never imagined possible. And that’s ok, it’s ok to grieve.