TTC struggles

[Frus123]

Hi there,

I’ve been reading different threads about ttc and the many struggles involved. I always expected a bit of hard work when ttc, but I never imagined our sex life would be a barrier.

My husband and I have been together 9 years and are in our mid 30s. We’re both ready to have children, but whenever we are about to do the deed, he loses interest. I don’t expect him to be ready at the click of my fingers anymore and I do still keep it ‘spicy’ when I’m ovulating so it doesn’t feel like a chore.

We’re luckily healthy and doing well professionally, we agree it’s the right time to grow our family.

We are happily married and in all other aspects our life is perfect. I’m so frightened that we’ll miss the fertility window, that I suggested home insemination as an alternative option.

He’s open to it, although it could help us conceive (there seem to be many success stories), it doesn’t solve what appear to be general sex issues.

I’m reluctant to speak to friends or family about these ttc problems, and would really appreciate any suggestions or advice from anyone in a similar situation.

Thanks in advance.

Is the losing interest something that's only started since TTC, or did it start before then? Assuming it's a recent thing, I guess the first question is, are you certain he really wants a baby? Does he bring up the conversation excitedly, or does he only talk about it when you do?
Assuming he does want a baby, maybe stage fright? Or just finding TTC a turn-off maybe. Do you tell him when you're ovulating? If so, maybe stop that for a bit and see if it helps. In an ideal world husbands would want to know all about cervical mucous, LH levels and other TTC joys, but it doesn't seem to work that way

Were the sex issues new to TTC? If they were I'd say are you sure he really wants a baby?

I was TTC for 2 years before we got our BFP in January. My best advice is to steer clear of tracking ovulation, timing sex etc. It absolutely kills any enjoyment of sex, can make some men just feel like a sperm donor. I tracked ovulation for a good 18 months or so. I stopped doing so when we were being seen by the fertility clinic and I'd given up hope of it happening naturally. This took so much pressure off us and we were having sex because we wanted to. I fell pregnant naturally after failed IVF and I had honestly forgotten we were TTC. Don't get so hung up on the fertility window, just aim to have sex 2-3 times a week - sperm can survive upto a week. It may be if you're stressing about it, you might be putting too much pressure on your OH. If you are having considerably less sex than this then you obviously will need to discuss with him that you'll need to have more sex. Hugs op, ttc is so stressful, I envied my husband not having to worry about ovulation etc.

Oh man ttc was awful. Both oh & I were ready, but sex was not fun, & was a struggle. Not because he didn’t want a baby, he was as ready as me, but the pressure of timing was a mood killer. In hindsight we should have just had regular sex throughout the month, but we went down opk route so we knew when to dtd.

We ttc twice (first ended in mmc) and luckily got a bfp first cycle trying both times, but there was a couple of attempts on both cycles that came to nothing and it was absolutely down to the pressure we put on ourselves.

I know the time we conceived this one (I’m 29+6) and it was spontaneous afternoon dtd. We were supposed to dtd that day but had planned the evening as we were about to walk to the range... we ended up going a bit later than planned 😂

Thanks FeistySheep, Rosieposy89 and Sansa87. It’s encouraging to hear from others who are somewhat in the same boat.
TTC is definitely a romance killer, I don’t share the status of my cycle or ‘fluids’ with my husband because that will put him off even more! We did just only start trying, so I’m not giving up hope yet. Good luck with your pregnancies/children

You're not alone! We were TTC for about 3 years and man it was tough. Like others have said doing it because you need to takes all of the fun out of it and trying to get in the mood late at night because it's close to ovulation day when you're both tired is crap. Like someone else said in the end we stopped all the tracking - it was stressing me out and wasn't working. We just upped the frequency and started having a bit more fun with it which was actually easier in COVID with both of us WFH - grabbing some time at lunch or randomly in the afternoon between meetings and not worrying about whether I was supposed to be ovulating or not. I'm older so EWCM became a big thing in my life as there wasn't much of it anymore (sorry if TMI!) so made sure we did it that day if I ever saw any!