8 weeks pregnant and struggling...

[Hayleyjade88]

Hi ladies,

This is my first time posting on here and I'm really looking for some support/advice. I'm 32 and 8 weeks + 3 days pregnant with my first baby, the pregnancy was planned however I was extremely shocked when I fell pregnant after just 1 cycle. My partner is ecstatic and very supportive but I'm really struggling to come to terms with this. I've been suffering with very bad morning sickness and all day nausea which has now improved with medication from my GP, I've also had a small bleed which resulted in an early scan at the hospital. When I saw the screen however I felt absolutely nothing, I felt numb and empty and if truth be told a little upset.

I feel as though this isn't a normal reaction to pregnancy news and I feel so guilty, 2 of my close friends had miscarriages and I know how many women struggle to conceive but all I can think about is the negatives. How my life will now be full of stress and lonlieness, my job will suffer, I'll no longer be invited out with friends etc and that I'll resent the baby for taking my life away from me. I was very happy with my life before I found out I was pregnant and now all I seem to be able to do is sit in my dressing gown all day and cry. I've spoken to my partner about this and whilst he supportive he doesn't really understand how I feel.

Has anyone else been through this? :(

Hayley x

1st trimester is really hard OP. I'm 13 weeks with baby 2 and while this pregnancy was very much planned and wanted i found the 1st 10ish weeks so hard to the point i wondered whether we'd done the right thing. I felt exhausted all the time, my emotions and hormones were all over the place, i was sick and struggled to eat/drink anything. It was so tough. I promise you it does get better! Once you start to feel baby move and get organised i'm sure you'll start to get excited.
It is tough just now, don't beat yourself up!

I could have written your post OP. I am 35 now and got pregnant a year ago and had a MMC at 12 weeks.
I felt exactly as you said when I found out, I didn’t want my life to change and didn’t know why I had decided to even try and it happened so quickly I didn’t have time to process. I was really depressed and anxious, I had never been like that before. My husband was so happy and couldn’t understand why I felt like this. The MMC was horrendous and after it I felt numb but not really that sad like you read on the forums. I was scared to try again after the way I reacted to the pregnancy and the MC. So I took a break from trying for a year as the way i felt really shocked me. I have just found out I am pregnant again after my husband and I decided to start trying in January. I can’t say I feel elated but better than the first time. I suppose it is a mixture of nerves of a MC and going down the black hole
I went into last time. I kind of always say to myself when do you ever hear of people regretting having a baby so it must be magical. Sending lots of love x

I think how you are feeling is normal (that's why your body gives you 9 months to get ready) I was totally unsure for the first 12 weeks or so. The first trimester sucks. Hopefully you will start feeling better soon.

@GSMCK

I could have written your post OP. I am 35 now and got pregnant a year ago and had a MMC at 12 weeks. I felt exactly as you said when I found out, I didn’t want my life to change and didn’t know why I had decided to even try and it happened so quickly I didn’t have time to process. I was really depressed and anxious, I had never been like that before. My husband was so happy and couldn’t understand why I felt like this. The MMC was horrendous and after it I felt numb but not really that sad like you read on the forums. I was scared to try again after the way I reacted to the pregnancy and the MC. So I took a break from trying for a year as the way i felt really shocked me. I have just found out I am pregnant again after my husband and I decided to start trying in January. I can’t say I feel elated but better than the first time. I suppose it is a mixture of nerves of a MC and going down the black hole I went into last time. I kind of always say to myself when do you ever hear of people regretting having a baby so it must be magical. Sending lots of love x

@GSMCK I'm sorry to hear about your MMC :( and congratulations on your pregnancy.

This sounds exactly like me, I can't understand why I feel so unhappy about it, I thought I wanted this but now I'm not entirely sure. It's reassuring to know that other people feel the same way as I do and that I'm not alone. I think it's hard to feel happy or positive when I feel so poorly all the time, literally can barely move from the sofa.

Thank you for replying and sending lots of love too x

I really feel for you. I am trying to remember that I'm not myself whilst these hormones are so high. I am feeling ways I haven't felt before, wanting to quit my job etc and I'm just clinging on to the fact that once I'm out the first trimester (hopefully) my hormones will calm down and I'll be a bit more myself again.

But it is hard - no one tells you it can feel so crap

@Hayleyjade88 I remember that feeling well, I didn’t get dressed for 3 days and it was so unlike me. I could barely catch my breath I had so much anxiety, my legs were like jelly and I wasn’t really eating! I did go and see a councillor twice and her advice was to write everything down that is worrying you and then try to go through each one and think about how bad it really is i.e I was catastrophising everything unnecessarily. Thinking the worst when actually everything was going to be ok. Everything will work out amazing for you also, you just need to tell your brain that x

I know exactly how you feel, we also fell pregnant first month of trying and it took me by surprise, I haven't loved pregnancy at all so far and also had to have medication from the gp.
Not sure what to say as I'm only coming up 9 weeks myself but I hope we both start to feel better soon

@Hayleyjade88 I know how you feel - the isolation, work; although I'm a full time student until Sept, EDD in Oct. We live in the middle of nowhere with nothing nearer than a 20 min drive, our friends are all big drinkers and socialising is always meals and a lot of booze - or people staying over and drinking.
My best friend hasn't got kids and doesn't want them - I wonder how it will affect our friendship.
I'm also 40 so I won't let myself get attached anyway in case of miscarriage/ abnormalities/ disability...
I feel sick, have indigestion, over-heating, bloated, broken sleep, had thrush (tmi) lol

Anyway, I just wanted to say that I understand; we really want this baby but fell 1st try, which I'm super grateful for, but it's a shock and my brain is really churning out the negatives and my husband is so excited and caring....there's the huge guilt that goes with all of that.

I personally hope that this is 1st trimester stuff and when I've had the scans and the sickness goes, I can relax and start to enjoy.

You're not alone xx sending you and anyone else feeling like this lots of love

Thank you everyone for all of your kind words, I feel much better knowing I'm not alone. It's just so hard to feel positive and happy when I feel so sick and anxious, I literally can barely stand up for 15 minutes to do the washing up never mind think about anything else. I'm just trying to get through each day and take it as it comes, I'm going to prepare what to say when I tell my friends as well to feel more in control of things. x

Everything you said is totally normal especially for a first pregnancy. I had HG and by 8 weeks I'd been hospitalised and was starting to consider termination for what was a planned and very much wanted pregnancy! I also never particularly 'bonded' with my baby via my bump or scans etc like some other women do. The perinatal mental health midwife was concerned about this and referred me to a specialist therapeutic service not long before I have birth which is meant to work on strengthening bonding in young families. However I had no real trouble bonding with DD once she was born despite getting PND (she was a 'difficult' baby who screamed all the time...). She's 2.5 now and I'm pregnant with my second and I feel completely differently about this one. I had an early scan due to cramps and bleeding and I didn't feel excitement or a bond looking at a 10mm foetus on the screen, think the sonographer expected more from me but that's just who I am, I know I bond when baby is here and not really before then. I am struggling with the HG again this time but I don't have all the anxiety I had in my first like worrying about how I will do things because now I know how to do them and if I managed DD I can manage any baby hah. Just try to stay calm but don't be afraid to tell your midwife how you're feeling and engage with any support offered. You will be great.

I'm week 8 of my pregnancy and feeling the exact same. I feel so anxious and low and not excited at all. Did it get better for you ?