First trimester

[SH90]

I would not normally ask a question like this on a chat, I'd rather ask my girlfriend direct however with the first trimester of pregnancy being hard enough I don't want to upset her!

I love you my girlfriend more than anything I'd do anything for her I've always told her she Is my forever (soppy I know lol) but since finding out in January we were going to have a baby she is coming across very quiet and seems very distant. Normally we can talk forever just about pointless things or daft stuff from the day, however over the past few weeks it's been very different, our energy normally bounces off each other.

Right now I'm getting worried as I don't want our relationship to start getting cracks in it, we are both very touchy feely people we enjoy long hugs plenty of kisses and let's be honest sex life is incredible, I understand that she may not be feeling up to getting frisky in the bedroom as she is tired which is understandable with the changes to her body. But I feel as though I can't touch her as she seems to pull away from me or get agitated when I do and that is not like her at all.

But I need to know is this normal during this stage of pregnancy to feel distant from your partner and if so what can I do?

Just be patient. The 1st trimester is rough and quite a worrying time so it can feel like women recoil a bit.
Your relationship will never be exactly the same as it was before but it will evolve and you'll regain your closeness and fun times.

Thank you chelyanne, I understand that the first trimester is rough with all the changes to the body and the rise and drop in hormones, but I just wanted to know if it was normal for my partner to distance herself from me and if there is anything I can do or any advice.

You sound like a really great guy, she will be grateful for that for sure.

From experience (I am in the first trimester) and I have actually been a nightmare. Your girlfriend sounds like she’s still maybe just taking it all in. I have been so up and down and extremely anxious about what could go wrong. At times I have been very withdrawn and other times can’t shut up about all my worries. It’s just going through the motions. When I am quiet, i’m usually just overthinking a lot but too tired to actually voice it.

I think just carry on being yourself, you sound like you have a great relationship. Asking if she is ok, sorting dinner and offering drinks etc. are small gestures but mean a lot.

I hope that is helpful. I hope all goes well for you both!

Unless she is willing to open up about how she's feeling there's not much you can do.
You know her better than any strangers do.
Most women just need time to get their heads around everything, once in to the 2nd trimester a lot of the rough stuff starts to ease off so it'll get better.

I would just be really patient with her - the first trimester is a really nerve wracking time - she’s most likely really nervous about the 12 week scan going well. Does she have morning sickness or tiredness? As that can make you feel awful :( is this her first pregnancy?

This is her second pregnancy and number 3 for me she does get queezy and she has been sick a couple of times and when she is feeling sick I just accept it as its natural and ask if she is feeling ok, stupid question to ask someone but I need to make sure that she knows I care about her. I know she is a very independent woman aswell so I don't want her feel as though I'm smothering her. Does anyone know of the best way of asking how she is to see if I can get her to open up to me.

Could the nausea mean she doesn't want to touch you? I'm a bit like that too. Just the smell of anything could be bothering her. Try not to take it personal, the first trimester is probably quite hard for her

I feel as if my own boyfriend could have written what you’ve wrote. He’s SO lovely, kind, patient and understanding and I worry I’ve been distant and not myself as I’ve had awful morning sickness and tiredness, bloating and sore boobs, not to mention the anxiety over the 12 week scan. Maybe give her a hug and say I care so much about you, please can you let me know what I can do to best support you at the moment? Am sure she would appreciate that massively. I hope things get better in the 2nd trimester :)

@Sunshine1982flowers211111

I feel as if my own boyfriend could have written what you’ve wrote. He’s SO lovely, kind, patient and understanding and I worry I’ve been distant and not myself as I’ve had awful morning sickness and tiredness, bloating and sore boobs, not to mention the anxiety over the 12 week scan. Maybe give her a hug and say I care so much about you, please can you let me know what I can do to best support you at the moment? Am sure she would appreciate that massively. I hope things get better in the 2nd trimester :)

What you have wrote makes so much sense everything you have just described is exactly how my girlfriend is feeling, so I suppose you have answered the question especially how you've admitted yourself that you worry you've been distant from your boyfriend

I really do worry about it A Lot as I love him to bits and the last thing I want to do is be distant from him. The morning (all day) sickness, exhaustion, worry and anxiety and my changing body are making it impossible for me to just “be like normal” if that makes sense.

I felt this way a lot of my pregnancy I really disliked my partner even though he had done nothing wrong, he could be sat watching tv and I was thinking how annoying he was 😂 I knew myself I was being irrational and it was just my hormones and eventually we went back to normal. The only thing that helped was for him not to be over the top trying to help me but also to do anything I asked and make me food I could tolerate.
We laugh about how awful I was now!

I’ve also gained a bit of weight and my stomach is always bloated which I’m not used to as I’m a really slim girl so that’s made me feel not maybe as attractive as usual to my boyfriend which has also made me feel like recoiling away a little bit. Your girlfriends body will be going through loads of changes - maybe reassure her you still think she’s gorgeous!!

@Sunshine1982flowers211111

I really do worry about it A Lot as I love him to bits and the last thing I want to do is be distant from him. The morning (all day) sickness, exhaustion, worry and anxiety and my changing body are making it impossible for me to just “be like normal” if that makes sense.

It's understandable that you worry about it, its natural for you to worry especially if you believe that you can't help but slightly back away from your partner, pregnancy aside when you don't feel well generally as a person you instantly back away from everyone its natural. But with pregnancy it's another worry to add to the endless list. As difficult as you are finding it to just be 'normal' at the moment what if you initiated a cuddle or any physical contact if your boyfriend typically does as at the moment I am with my girlfriend and normally we'd both be very touchy feely if you know what I mean. I suppose the hard thing with me and my girlfriend is we are both very independent and are used to dealing with things on our own its how we've had to be in the past

@Freshair85

I felt this way a lot of my pregnancy I really disliked my partner even though he had done nothing wrong, he could be sat watching tv and I was thinking how annoying he was 😂 I knew myself I was being irrational and it was just my hormones and eventually we went back to normal. The only thing that helped was for him not to be over the top trying to help me but also to do anything I asked and make me food I could tolerate. We laugh about how awful I was now!

I must admit I was the most hated person in the world during the pregnancy of my first with my ex. As you've just said I could be sat watching tv or cooking tea and I was thought of as just being purely annoying... at least you and your partner laugh about it now though!!

@Freshair85

I felt this way a lot of my pregnancy I really disliked my partner even though he had done nothing wrong, he could be sat watching tv and I was thinking how annoying he was 😂 I knew myself I was being irrational and it was just my hormones and eventually we went back to normal. The only thing that helped was for him not to be over the top trying to help me but also to do anything I asked and make me food I could tolerate. We laugh about how awful I was now!

Haha could of written this myself

We had a lovely chat about it and we’re still having sex, loads of cuddles and really close - I don’t want him feeling physically rejected. It’s more that I’m quieter at the moment and I’m usually super chatty and full of energy!

Sunshine, thats good then the fact that the physicality is still there, as that is the main thing that can make people feel rejected, I know the other day when I mentioned something to my girlfriend about sex she said she wasn't there yet which I accept but before pregnancy sex was very often and generally speaking we both have a very high sex drive. And even we both do have that sex isn't everything, I just wish she could open up and even though we are both very independent we are both very honest and open about everything I think that's what has hit me hard

@Greeneyesbiglashes

You sound like a really great guy, she will be grateful for that for sure.

From experience (I am in the first trimester) and I have actually been a nightmare. Your girlfriend sounds like she’s still maybe just taking it all in. I have been so up and down and extremely anxious about what could go wrong. At times I have been very withdrawn and other times can’t shut up about all my worries. It’s just going through the motions. When I am quiet, i’m usually just overthinking a lot but too tired to actually voice it.

I think just carry on being yourself, you sound like you have a great relationship. Asking if she is ok, sorting dinner and offering drinks etc. are small gestures but mean a lot.

I hope that is helpful. I hope all goes well for you both!

Hey greeneyesbiglashes could you suggest anything for me to do if my girlfriend is overthinking a lot of things and yeah our relationship is fantastic I adore every single thing about my girlfriend

If sex is an issue she may be super worried that it may cause harm to the growing baby? Maybe have a really good chat and discuss ways you can still be intimate and close but making sure she’s not worried about hurting the baby?