To breastfeed or not to breastfeed.. advice please, breastfeeding with a toddler in tow

[Spaghettiamaretti]

I’m expecting DC3 in 5 weeks.
DS1 I bottle fed, I hadn’t really thought into how I would feed him, he arrived 4 weeks early and had really bad jaundice, low blood sugars and couldn’t regulate his temperature so when I was advised to formula feed I didn’t question it.

4 years later I had DS2 and was determined to breastfeed. On the whole I loved it. I loved not having to get bottles ready, I love that it was only something I could do, and I loved how close we felt. I wouldn’t say I bonded with DS2 any more than bottle fed DS1 but the experience was so different.

The downside to breastfeeding was that I was very susceptible to mastitis no matter how much I followed all the breastfeeding advice given. When DS2 was 5 weeks old I was in hospital as the infection was starting to turn into sepsis but luckily I got it just in time and was placed on IV antibiotics. I had been so poorly before even having any breast pain.
This is something that is putting me off breastfeeding again.

Another thing that’s making me question whether it not to breastfeed is the cluster feeding. DS2 is 16 months old so still requires a lot of attention. My worry is that in the first few weeks I will struggle even more so with having him to look after too. DS1 was in nursery from 7.30-6pm when DS2 was a baby so I could concentrate on breastfeeding. At this rate with the current lockdown I’m not even sure DS1 would be in school so I have that to think about too. I feel with bottle feeding I would have more of a routine around feeding. Although the ease of of just being able to take a breast out to food rather than preparing a bottle counteracts this.

Sorry for rambling. Has anyone else breastfed with a toddler in tow too? Was it easier than bottle feeding do you think? I’m really torn.

There’s no right answer other than what is right for you. I EBF DC2 when DC1 was a toddler. She was slightly older (27 months gap) but it was fine. There was perhaps more telly time than ideal, and I did become adept at BF while also doing other things! But DC1 would quite often like to have a snuggle while I was feeding DC2 and I made sure there were books/toys handy to distract her. We got into a rhythm quite quickly, and in the evenings my DH really stepped up with DC1 so I could focus on DC2. So definitely do-able but you might find combi feeding or just FF works best for you. You don’t mention your OH, are they on hand to help out?

@Aozora13 thank you for replying. I feel with lockdown there’s already more telly time than I’d like to potentially may not make a difference with a breastfed newborn!
Yes DP is here to help out but due to his work (he’s a labourer so even in lockdown he’s had to be out the house for long hours) he won’t be back until tea time. This is great because he can do the bedtime routine so I can “clock off” so to speak when he gets home it’s just everything beforehand I’m a bit worried about, like getting ready for the school run whilst feeding etc. I have a feeling everything will fall into place when baby is born I’m just at that stage where I’ve realised baby is coming soon and the panic about anything and everything has set in!

Hi OP

Congrats!! I had dc3 last year and it has been amazing!

Just see how it goes. Make sure you have formula on hand, try to see if bf works for you. Don’t feel you have to if it’s too difficult.

I bf dc2 with a toddler exclusively. Dc3 would only take bottles, so I pumped. It’s always stressful in the early days. I found combination feeding was amazing with dc1 (basically, I’ve tried it all!). Bf with a toddler in tow is fine. You have to feed them anyway! Hardest part is the cluster feeds that take up the evenings. Do you have a partner to help with dc2 at bedtime?

Re mastitis, I had this loads with dc1. Not at all with the others, so try not to worry. If you’re feeling engorged, it’s useful to have a hand held pump to help ease the pain in between. Sometimes this can stimulate milk, so don’t over do it unless you need/want to.

Sounds like you’re keen to jump straight to formula, so if that’s how you feel, don’t let the midwives guilt trip you. I got lots of mum guilt by passive aggressive comments on my decision to supplement with formula.

Remember that what is best for you and your family is your decision.

I do think that if I had to do it on my own, bottles would be a no brainer with 3.

Good luck x

Following as I've landed on a similar dilemma....I near enough EBF first child but I'm wondering if a routine of bottles (whether expressed or formula) might work better for second. But the convenience of being able to just BF when needed, aside from all the health benefits, really appeals too. I think I'll end up combifeeding in order to make it that second baby isn't wholly reliant on me, that wasn't an issue with only DD to take care of but I can see the inflexibility of carer being a bit of a headache!

DS was 20 months when his sister was born. She is BF - the few times I tried to introduce a bottle when she was tiny, I found it harder faffing around in the kitchen with both DC crying than just to breastfeed her.

I wish I had persevered with a bit of mixed feeding (as she now refuses a bottle) just to give a bit of flexibility - it tends to end up that I do everything for DD and my husband (when not at work) will sort out DS, but sometimes toddlers want their mums too so it would be nice if we had another option!

I’m ebf a baby (15 weeks now) and looking after a 2 year old full time (not at nursery). I breastfed my first too so can’t compare to formula feeding but there are lots of positives to bf when you have another one. Main one is I can feed whenever/wherever without having to interrupt the toddler - so on the living room floor while reading a story, in the park, in the car. It’s so flexible. The baby is in a sling most of the time and is so happy in there she never cries, and I have hands free to play with DD1.

She did cluster feed in the evenings in the early days and DH did bedtime for the toddler in that time but otherwise it’s been great.

As you know it’s easy to move from breast to formula but not the other way round so why not give it a try?

There is a 17m gap between my 2nd and third babies. I breastfed number 2 until about 8m and then fed number 3 (dd1 was bottlefed)

I found feeding dd3 way easier, even with a toddler for a few reasons. Dd2 didn't go to nursery and dd1 was at school so it was the 3 of us all day (and thankfully toddler groups!)

Because of the small gap between feeding, my nipples were pretty tough. It was the only of my 4 that I didn't get sore for the first 6wks. I didn't get any of the issues like blocked ducts, that I got with the others. Perhaps confidence played a part? I don't know, 1,2 and 4 were all a struggle to start with.

I toddlerproofed the room we spent our time in as much as possible. Dd2 was a climber, so I had a little climbing cube for her indoors.

I nailed the feeding while walking (or rather while leaping off the sofa to stop dd2) even though dd3 was a 9lb10 whopper. She was also the only one of mine not to lose weight. I had a travel cot with a Moses basket in that I would pop dd3 in when I had to sort dd2.

I'm expecting DC5 now and there will be a 22m gap, so a bit bigger, but the gap from stopping BF was about the same as I fed DS until 12m, so I'm hoping it will be ok this time too. I cba with sterilizing and am not hugely organised so breastfeeding, when it works, suits me.

But the other thing is because dd1 was bottle fed after a shitty first week feeding, she's fine. So if I end up bottle feeding that's ok too.

Good luck x

I would breastfeed at 1st. If you are finding it difficult to juggle everything try expressing and using the bottle. If you have problems with infection then swap to formula.
Whatever you decide to do don't feel any guilt. I think there is too much of "breast is best" when the truth is that's not always the best option.

I was desperate to breast feed but have rubbish boobs that never got much of a milk supply no matter what I did. I got quite depressed about it with my 1st 3 but now I have accepted that ebf is just something I'll never do.

I bf dd2, dd1 was just 2. I tried to make feeding time where focus was on her too. At home we would snuggle on the sofa together, we both developed a massive Dora the Explorer and Peppa pig habit but it was fine. As Tier500 says lots of the time it meant not having to stop what I was doing with toddler to sort out feed.

I struggled with BF dd1, was a breeze and very different with dd2, experience counts!

In your situation I'd try it, if it doesn't work for you then you could switch or mixed feed but you may find it easier.

Thank you so much for all your replies - with DS2 I did express the odd bottle so DP could feed as he felt pretty useless (DS2 is DPs first child) so my plan was to get to a point where I could express the odd bottle for him to give baby too to give me a break - but then I think by the time I’ve expressed I may as well have just fed her myself.

I will give it a go, definitely for the first few weeks anyway as DP will be on paternity leave and hoping to take some unpaid leave too - we’re just working out how feasible this would be. DS2 still has quite a long nap during the day so once DS1 is in school I think that will ease things for me. Life in general seems to feel a lot more difficult in lockdown which I’m struggling with (mainly DS1 being off school) so I think once he goes back I’ll probably feel like I can take on more with breastfeeding. I’ve just finished work for mat leave too so no longer have to juggle working from home and home schooling so this should make me feel a bit more relaxed about things to come.

I appreciate the advice - it’s nice to be reminded not to feel guilty. With DS2 I had moments of wanting to give up but pushed myself to carry on because I didn’t want to feel like a failure. I’m glad I did continue but thinking back I had no reason to think I’d be failing if I did stop breastfeeding but I suppose at the time it’s so easy to be consumed by mum guilt.

I think after sitting back and thinking rationally, I will start off breastfeeding as originally planned, if I feel I need to I can incorporate expressed milk/formula and just take the approach that if I feel it’s too much I’ll just stick to formula.

I was so relaxed about it at first with DS2 and said if it works it works and if it doesn’t that’s fine, and I somehow got so into it I didn’t give up til I was pregnant with DC3 (planned pregnancy but couldn’t continue to breastfeed as I couldn’t eat with nausea and it just took too much out of me)

Sometimes it helps thinking out loud - ish on mumsnet!