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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

First Appointment (Booking?) Can husband come?

22 replies

ILoveBountys · 19/02/2021 11:10

Hi everyone

Sorry if this question gets asked a lot - I searched but I couldn't see the answer.

I have been booked in at a children's centre for my first ever appointment (exciting!) the booking appointment I think?

Does anyone know if my husband can attend? it's our first child and he's excited - and worried about me (I'm 40, so we're concerned about the issues that brings) - so he is super keen to attend but we're not sure what the situation is with COVID.
I think he can attend the scans but just not sure about this 1st one - I don't have a midwife yet so I can't ask them.

Thanks everyone

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Carefree1 · 19/02/2021 11:15

Congratulations on your pregnancy. I’d contact the centre or call the generic midwife number for the local team to check. Where I am we’re not allowed any partners to any appointments (including scans).
But, as they’re allowed to scans in your area, there may be some hope!
If it’s any consolation, if he can’t, he won’t miss much! It’s really about your health history and a blood and urine sample. Just write down any questions you want to ask so you don’t forget. Good luck xx

Rosieposy89 · 19/02/2021 11:21

Husband wasn't allowed at mine, but it changed to telephone so he was there on the call. I think he can attend my scan though

MagpieSong · 19/02/2021 11:21

I'd definitely call. My DH has been able to attend the 20 week scan, but no appointments. My booking appointment was over the phone. I'd doubt he'd be able to attend due to waiting space etc, but it depends on how your area and that location have decided to manage it. They do ask about any genetic or health conditions on your husband's side and his health, so b/p, autism, adhd, family history of cancer or diabetes would all be good info for you to bring along even if DH can't come. Also, sometimes you are allowed to phone your husband during the appointment and have him on loudspeaker even if you have to attend alone.

Congratulations and I hope it goes really well xxx

MintGreenLife · 19/02/2021 11:22

@ILoveBountys congrats :) it's lovely he's excited, but I don't think it's normal practice for the father to attend the midwife/booking appointments. The thought of bringing my husband never entered my mind. Booking appointment is just lots of questions about medical history, they will test your urine and take your blood pressure, maybe put in a referral for your 12 week scan.

The only thing that came up in mine was that I was told I should take aspirin from 12 weeks as have a family history of pre eclampsia, so maybe something like that could come up, but shouldn't be anything you can't reiterate to your DH.

If you both feel like it's important for him to be there, may be worth asking if it's possible x

Chelyanne · 19/02/2021 11:25

Not usually possible at booking.
If they are allowed at any appointment it is stated on the letters. There's not much for him to miss at booking anyway.

Sparrow91 · 19/02/2021 11:26

I would check whether your full appt is face to face or by telephone - the majority of mine was by phone and I was able to have DP next to me, which was really helpful when it came to family history questions.

I then went in for bloods etc on my own

JemimaTiggywinkle · 19/02/2021 11:26

You’ll have to check with your midwife, I’ve been to all my appointments alone except scans.

Also sorry to burst your bubble but the booking appointment is extremely boring... it will just be asking you a long list of questions.
So if DH can’t come, he really won’t be missing out. Even if I was allowed, I don’t think I’d bother bringing DH to routine midwife appointments.

IndigoNC · 19/02/2021 11:33

I think it depends on the hospital, my DH hasn't been allowed to attend anything, not even scans

Original poster

ILoveBountys · 19/02/2021 11:46

Wow, thank you so much all for the really helpful and kind responses

The NHS page on booking appts made it seem that there wasn't much to miss but he is so keen, and nervous - it makes sense right now that if it's not essential then he shouldn't come so I will double check with the centre in case there's anything other than booking happening but reassure him with all this helpful info from you all if he's not allowed and get him to write down any questions he has (great suggestion!) so I can ask them for him.

Thank you so much everyone, it means a lot - feels a bit isolating at the moment what with lockdown, living in a pretty rural area and not wanting to tell people until after the scans/ tests so thank you for your advice and I hope you're all happy and well xxxx

OP posts:

MissingCoffeeandWine · 19/02/2021 11:57

Hi OP,
Just to say that even prior to covid, partners are not encouraged to attend booking appointments. Pregnancy is a high risk time for women, and it’s meant to act as it’s first safe space to talk about pregnancy, relationship, mental health and any potential other difficulties. Plus, some of the medical questions asked are private too.

In my area, booking now takes place at 12 weeks, so it’s not unusual to have partners accompany the women for the scan part, and then wait outside (used to be in the waiting room, but covid has changed that) until booking is complete.

MissingCoffeeandWine · 19/02/2021 11:57

Sorry meant to add: hope it goes well for you x

wimbler · 19/02/2021 11:58

There may be another reason why the partner is not allowed to attend: There are questions that need to be asked without the presence of the partner that pertain to home life and domestic abuse. If the partner is present, the woman is unlikely to answer truthfully and without being under duress. They are standard well being questions that they have to ask. If your partner is allowed, they will ask him to leave the room for part of the appointment so these questions can be asked.

SkyBlue20 · 19/02/2021 11:59

My DH has been allowed to all of my midwife appts at the children's centre (North Manchester), so I hope it's the same for you ☺️ I completely get him wanting to be at the booking one - it's the first step in your pregnancy and nice for him to feel involved. It is extremely long and boring but not pointless for him as they do need to ask about his family medical history. As a PP said, if he can't go, make sure you have any info from him that might feel relevant - I grilled both of our mums before ours and made notes! Good luck!

Original poster

ILoveBountys · 19/02/2021 13:37

@MissingCoffeeandWine @wimbler They're good points; protecting people who might be experiencing those things, must be very hard and horrible for anyone going through that and pregnant Very tough.

I also see why some people would just want the privacy; I personally don't - but that's me in my situation and I appreciate that's not the same for all.

@SkyBlue20 that's amazing! I'm currently balancing my husbands' enthusiasm with the possibility of COVID restrictions on attendance; he doesn't want me to feel alone, esp because of my age and worrying about all the increased dangers as a result. If he can't then I will sit with him and go through his family history & questions with him - he's been listening to podcasts & reading books so he's probably got a lot! haha!

thank you all for kind words and wishes; I hope you're having a great day and good luck for your pregnancies or wherever you are if you're not xx

OP posts:

Nat4392 · 19/02/2021 13:39

It will depend on your trust, check their website or give them a call. At my trust, partners are allowed to all appointments so it’s definitely worth checking.

ShowOfHands · 19/02/2021 13:46

I had my babies well before Covid and DH was sent out for some of the questions around domestic abuse and similar. It must be so hard doing it on the phone now for those trusts where that is Covid policy. Booking appointments for some women, represent a real opportunity to disclose information.

Best of luck with your pregnancy op. Your husband sounds overjoyed.

Original poster

ILoveBountys · 19/02/2021 14:54

@Nat4392 thank you, that's helpful advice - hopefully he can, I'm just mostly hoping he can attend the scans at the very least.

@ShowOfHands great point, no opportunity for privacy on the phone. I was hoping for a phone appointment myself but no complaints with face-to-face even if DH can't attend; will be a comfort to see someone in these lonely times. My husband is so happy; he's trying to keep it under control in case but he's unstoppable
Are you ShowOfHands after the folk band? I love folk music

thank you so much both xx

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SKYTVADDICT · 19/02/2021 14:59

I work in a children's centre and no partners are allowed in appointments at the moment unfortunately. The room the midwives use isn't huge so social distancing for/from the partner wouldn't be possible

ValpolicellaPrimitivo · 19/02/2021 15:05

My brother and his wife have just had their first baby last week. My brother hasn't been able to go to any midwife appointments either antenatal or postnatal. He went to scans though.

2021WillBeGreat · 19/02/2021 15:23

Obviously it varies by area, here no partners allowed even for scans which is rubbish.

ShowOfHands · 19/02/2021 15:27

I am indeed named after the band. Been going to see SOH for 23yrs now. DH and I went to see them on our first date in fact.

I'm a huge fan of folk. Desperate to get back to some festivals.

Original poster

ILoveBountys · 19/02/2021 18:18

@SKYTVADDICT @2021WillBeGreat@ValpolicellaPrimitivo

It seems that it might be dependent on area but we're not tooo worried about this 1st booking one (or the general appointment) , we were just curious & hopeful more than anything; but the scans... that would be SO rubbish, its such a special occasion - and important, especially if you people get bad news. A friend had a cancer diagnosis alone while pregnant in the 1st lockdown and had to tell her husband when she got out of the appointment. Where do people find that strength?
Baby & her are fine, don't want to leave you on a cliffhanger.
I will find out what he can/ can't attend on Monday and we'll take it from there.

Thank you for taking the time to reply x

@ShowOfHands WOW! Great first date -23 years?? I have only seen SOH once live but I love live folk too; festivals or pubs, wherever....I can't wait to get back to it either, sadly minus all the drinking!

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