What would you like to know?

[midwife89]

Ladies, I’m a midwife looking to write a book.. I think lockdown boredom is getting the better of me. What do you think there is a gap for when looking for pregnancy self help books or books focused on pregnancy? Is there anything you think would help? What is the market missing!! Let me know x

One that says ‘stop reading all the books and trying to live up to stuff’. The best thing I did for me and my family was accept that my baby wasn’t going to sleep like I wanted for a long time. Once I stopped trying to do something about it an amazing weight was lifted. I was tired, yes but no longer stressed as well which made the world of difference. Found nothing about that in books.

Thanks so much for your reply! Amazing, and fantastic point - I completely agree with you!

I think more realistic expectations of everything, really! As pp said, even though knackered and in pain, it's a lot easier when you know about things like cluster feeding, or that there are options to treat pgp during pregnancy (ie from the pelvic partnership website), or that you may only have a handful or midwife appointments and that both has been super medicalised, often unnecessarily (most pregnant women pregnant for the first time seem to things it's all hands on deck from the moment you get a positive test and hat everyone needs hcg monitoring bloods, early scans etc...).

Info about the hormones involved in labour is really useful.

Thanks so much for replying. Great response - info about hormones is a fantastic idea, they’re so important! Especially the stress hormone called cortisol. Brilliant, thanks so much x

Hospital bag stuff - for you! I paid so much attention to what my baby had that I ended up wearing days old underwear for my 4 day stay 🤢

The feeding needs of new born babies

Remedies for healing after tears and stitches etc

Maybe more about how hard breastfeeding is at first.
With my first dd I just presumed it would be easy because it is natural so I was very overwhelmed when she was born and I couldn't get her to latch properly etc and ended up formula feeding.

With my second dd I knew what to expect so I went into it knowing it was going to be hard and I persevered and now 9 months later I'm still feeding her.

For me it would be advice on mental health. I was a teenager when I had dd and was too afriad to reach out for help when i was struggling.

I felt as though I was pushed into breastfeeding, i hated it, even with latching correct it was very painful and dd wanted on the breast every hour.

When i eventually switched to ff i was so happy, but felt like a failure to others.

A focus on the importance of self-advocacy during labour. My midwives told me multiple times that i couldn't be in active labour yet, first baby, too soon, irregular contractions, had only been 2cm dialated the hour before... i kept insisting baby was coming, kept being told that it was normal but not yet. One of them actually said the words "trust me, you'll know when it's happening."

Guess what, i did know! Went from 2cm to 9cm in 100 min. Baby was crowning when i lost my shit and screamed the house down for someone to examine me. Had i put my foot down an hour earlier and demanded an examination i would have been prepared to push, they would have been prepared to deliver the baby, and i wouldn't be fucking traumatised.

The ability to effectively advocate for oneself is the most important part of pregnancy, to my mind.

That pregnancy is not a walk in the park - it's full of anxiety about how baby is doing, some people never get the 'glow', it can be a long, hard slog and, importantly, it's ok to just not love being pregnant and it's no reflection on how you'll feel about the baby at the end.x

Possibility of lasting issues after birth with prolapse/incontinence etc.

I may be outdated and this might already be covered, but mental health during pregnancy. Especially for those already with MH issues. It can be quite a shock to the system when your hormones reignite issues you had control over. Everything is dismissed as "its hormones" instead of being taken seriously. It can be difficult especially when medication is usually avoided.

I would have liked someone to have told me how to advocate for myself and baby, my waters were left gone for almost 3 days and I was way too polite to the midwives when they told me the delivery suite to was too busy to get the drip so we both got sepsis.
It took me a few weeks to forgive myself for trusting them and not making a nuisance of myself.

@Ohalrightthen sorry to hear that midwives didn't listen to you either

Whenever I speak to pregnant people since I had my son I warn them but then give them all the details of what happened to me in the hope that they will find a way to fight harder than I did but people shouldn't feel like they have to fight health professionals to get the care they deserve for mum and baby.

As I asked my antenatal classes - how would you know if you were having a placental abruption.
The instructor refused too answer.
I went on to have a p.a. And my DD died

They didn't listen to me when I was in agony. I was asking from stronger painkillers other than just paracetamol and they kept telling me to wait until I was checked. Like PP - they told me I would know when I was in labour. I explained this was my 4th kid and I do know, but they were having none of it. I was in absolute agony, and after an hour of constant begging they finally checked me over. Apologised like mad to me because I was 8 or 9cm dilated. They tried to make me feel better by telling me I obviously had a high pain threshold.

Its sad to see that this isn't an isolated thing of being dismissed and/or ignored.

Sorry to hear that @Krazynights34

Please can you add a whole massive section to pelvic physio, pelvic care and finding a support system prior to birth.

We have these huge physical changes to our bone and muscle structures and get no physiotherapists appointments, no support and no knowledge, and it's not until later life sometimes when issues, hip pains etc all linked to birth crop up. And I'm not talking about the vaginal walls, I'm more keen for women to see cross sections of the muscle groups to understand how they can strengthen their core and glutes to recover.

The focus is so much on weight and do little on recovery.

I wish this was on the NHS..

I think there's a gap for a 'real talk' sort of book with practical info about all the things ladies have said above. 'things I wish my midwife had told me' sort of thing. You get the same basic questions posted over and over on here and that can't be the fault of the posters, it just shows up what people aren't told as a matter of course (can I eat this, why hasn't anybody been anywhere near me til my booking appt, that kind of thing).

There's plenty of the airy fairy theoretical nicey nicey books, which is fine as there is a place for those too, but the only one that comes close to being a sort of manual is Expecting Better.

If you want an idea what I mean there is an education author called Sue Cowley who wrote a book called the Guerilla Guide to Teaching which is a kind of handbook for new teachers that covered little everyday things that they might not have been thinking about during their training, but that actually help get through the first year.

A chapter on the whooping cough/flu jab vaccines offered during pregnancy. Providing all the information needed, pros/cons, safety, etc so mums to be can make informed choices. As a possible extension, cover infants' vaccinations and look at whether all these jabs are really needed. I.e. Hep b? Rotavirus? Looking at alternatives to the 6in1 (immune system overall?!!), separate doses of the mmr which are available privately.

Does the NHS not comprehensively cover that already @UnCoffreDor ? She didn't say she wanted to write an antivax pamphlet.

I was an au pair for two babies hospitalised with rotavirus and caught it from them. It is without a doubt the best thing I could vaccinate my child against!!! It was a truly awful thing to have to watch them go through.

What the hell could the cons possibly be????? But I digress...

More information on inductions and what to expect during them and ways to be induced with pros and cons of each. I found most books / NCT didn't go into much detail on these and I didn't realise how common they were.
On your point of cortisol, I would love to know more on how things like this can also affect pregnancy and labour. I have high cortisol levels and have been trying to research if this will prevent me going into spontaneous labour; I'm aware during labour it can stop contractions. I was induced with first and would rather prepare myself for another induction if there's a slim chance of me going in labour naturally.
Agree with more information on how hard breastfeeding is and difficulties that may be faced. We had a prolonged hospital stay due to baby not latching, ended up on a reluctant feeding programme and had a bad tongue tie that wasn't picked up until six weeks after I pushed for a referral.
By the way, thanks for everything you do. I couldn't believe how amazing the midwives were when my son was born. It's really appreciated.