First pregnancy ends in missed miscarriage - please help me

[Tra06]

Hello all. I can’t believe I’m typing this but I’m meant to be 10+5 weeks today and yesterday it was confirmed that baby had no heartbeat, and likely died between 7-8 weeks old (late January).

Abit of background. I am a doctor and unfortunately had just been on obstetrics and gynae just before falling pregnant. I’ve managed miscarriages and counseled women. But this emotional pain is something that I’m finding so hard to deal with. Having seen all the surgical and medical options I really don’t want to opt for it, and so I’m praying for a natural miscarriage. I started passing dark jelly like clots when peeing this morning but I know this could mean nothing. Has anyone else had this? How long till the tea bleeding starts? I ordered raspberry leaf tea which I’ve heard helps but no no one who’s tried this to induce miscarriage.

The final question and possibly the hardest. I’m looking to see a private consultant to do testing on myself and husband. I feel so dismayed at the NHS and have seen so many women come in month after month waiting for there third miscarriage before they can even seek help. I’m willing to pay to not be curbed to the side. I always hated the fact that women had to wait to seek help and want to avoid this. I’m abit complicated as I have had blood in my urine for years on and off and was told by urology they were just UTIs. What happens is if I don’t drink 5L a day I will quickly get burning pain which will turn into bright red bleeding in my urine and clots, until I go to hospital and get IV fluids and IV antibiotics. I can’t even count the amount of times this has happened over the past 7 years. At my last urology appt before falling pregnant I had asked to start prophylactic antibiotics but the doctor wasn’t keen ‘until we had proof I had bacteria in urine’. When I fell pregnant I called and called their department to beg them to start me as I was scared of miscarrying but I was completely ignored.

However at my first maternity appointment the fetal medicine consultant said I may have IGA Nephropathy (which I always thought was painless and not related to bacteria in urine). Does anyone on here have this diagnosis and got pregnant naturally anyway?? Anyone have IGA and get pain with flares??

I’m so so lost as the plan for this pregnancy was to have all the investigations to find out what’s wrong with me in terms of my urine. But now Babies gone I’ve been told my the fetal Med consultant to ‘ask my GP to be referred to preconception clinic’. That’ll take months.

I’m so fed up with the NHS all round and feel like they’ve really let me down. I had begged to be started on antibiotics but nobody cared until my booking appt confirmed I had E. coli uti. The uti coincides with babies death. At my first appointment with fetal medicine at Kingston I had told them I was having stabbing pains in my bellybutton and she completely ignored that and said ‘you’re too early to have any pain’ despite me being classed as a high risk pregnancy due to my weird urine issues. Baby was gone at this point and I’m kicking myself that I didn’t ask to be scanned. So many what if’s.

Sorry for the long post I am literally out of my mind currently.

I’m so very sorry for your loss.
I had a miscarriage at ten weeks like you last July, this was after a decade of trying. The emotional pain was very great. Give yourself time.
I had a hysteroscopy on the nhs which found the problem (fibroid) and removed it. I was very impressed with the help I had on the nhs during covid.
Hopefully you will fall pregnant again soon. I became pregnant again 6 weeks later and am now 27 weeks pregnant. All the best @Tra06

Awww I’m so happy to hear you’re pregnant again!! It gives me hope.
If you don’t mind me asking, did you manage it at home or have to go for a surgical option? How was your experience? The unknown is so scary

Hi Op
I had surgical management this Tuesday just gone for MMC and I found the whole thing to be smooth and painless. I’m getting a bit of bleeding but no pain. I decided I couldn’t wait for it to come out naturally as that could take weeks, and with medical management there’s no guarantees it all comes out anyway. Sorry for what you’re going through x

I had a surgical management. This was when they did the hysteroscopy. They went in with a camera to do it and check if there was a problem which couldn’t be seen on a scan. They found that the fibroid was preventing fertilised eggs from burrowing and implanting properly. I am so glad they did that!
Miscarriages are so very hard, but we must try to remember at the time that they are also common and many women go on to conceive. That was only of limited help to hear at the time for me! But it’s true... and like I was told ... I did indeed conceive again. Hoping and praying that you do too.

I’m so glad you had a positive experience! I just wish I’d never helped carry out the procedure, I think knowing all the steps and risks and seeing perforations etc has scared me into taking the surgical route. Natural is definately going to be brutal I think but I’m going to try and see if I can do it. I really hope I can.

Praying you’re feeling brighter and can close this chapter in your life now, and move to better days!

I'm so sorry you're going through this - it's so difficult and you don't really understand until it happens to you. Please don't blame yourself - you really did everything you could. My 1st MC happened naturally at 8wks (measuring 5) but with my 2nd I had medical management at 9wks (measuring 8) - heartbeat had stopped but I only had a tiny amount of spotting that went away so I didn't know how long it would take to happen naturally and I just wanted to move on. It was in 1st lockdown and surgical management wasn't being offered.

With both of my MC it started with brown blood, progressed to red blood with some "coffee grounds" (tiny clots) then the clots got bigger until everything was passed before turning into what is more like a normal period. 1st MC I only passed one big clot. 2nd MC there were loads.

Physically medical management wasn't that bad - it was horrid feeling sick and having diarrhoea at the same time as bleeding and cramping but it was over in a few days. I would still choose surgical management if I could though, or medical management if I could stay in hospital for it - even though I knew what was going to happen, seeing everything was really traumatic for me and I have symptoms that sound a bit like PTSD constantly reliving my 2nd MC. I desperately want to move house because it happened here. Something as simple as having a shower is a trigger for the memories. I know the stats say most women are happy with medical management but there's not really enough conversation or understanding about the emotional impact of the different options - it all centres on the physical process.

Hi, like you, I had a miscarriage at 10 weeks at the end of January, and was told the baby stopped at around 7 weeks. I went for natural management and it all happened the same day I found out. I started passing clots like you described and then over the course of 3 hours everything else came away. I know it isn't as swift for everyone, but I think if you're passing clots already the worst should be over soon.
Im so very sorry for your loss. Please take it easy, look after yourself and allow yourself to greive. Best wishes to you

@Tra06 hi trace ap sp sorry for your loss. I went to toilet and wiped away blood. Nit heavy. I was confused as this didnt happen in my other 2 pregnancies. That evening the bleeding got so much heavier and I knew it was happening. This happen late jan. Take heart.

@Tra06 also I called a private clinic and they said cos I was only 36 I was still young and the consultant would rather I waited as my age was young and first miscarriage. I've stated taking folic and vd. Also gonna eat healthy and get fit. Once period starts will ttc

Hi, I’m really sorry for your loss and hope that you’re ok. I’ve also had UTIs for years and understand how you must feel. I was put on 3 months of Nitrofurantoin and it really helped me. Managed to get pregnant after that and have so far had no UTIs (then again I also now only use condoms which really helps prevent them). Once you get pregnant again, which will probably be very soon if you start trying again soon, try and use condoms for a bit and see how you get on.

I’m so sorry for your loss. It does get better, I promise you!
I had a MMC with my first. I had brown spotting and then pinky blood. A scan found the baby had died around 10 weeks. Not long after the scan, I lost the baby naturally. I read up and miscarriage in your first pregnancy is very common.
A few weeks later I fell pregnant with my son and he was fine. My third pregnancy also went smoothly.
I took my temperature daily for the first few weeks and put both me and my DH on super vitamins and brazil nuts. Also took iron.

Hi @Tra06 I am very sorry for your loss. I had a MMC at 12 weeks in November (baby had died at 11weeks). We have a support thread over on the miscarriage board here if you would like to join www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/4166715-Support-thread-for-those-experiencing-or-recently-experienced-a-MC-MMC-Thread-3-ALL-welcome

I cant help with your health condition, but can say that I had surgery and had as positive an experience as was possible

I'm so sorry for your loss op. I lost a baby at 31 weeks. the what ifs plague you. The guilt- what did I do or not do? The fear and anxiety. Will it happen again? The will to be pregnant again but terrified all at once. The loss, sadness and yearning. The physical toll on your body.

Take each day one at a time. I hope you can find answers.

How are you doing mentally?

I'm sorry for your loss op.

I had a missed miscarriage. Found out at 12 week scan and started bleeding noticeably that day. I opted not to have any intervention and had completed miscarriage within a couple of weeks. I had cramps (ok with hot water bottle and paracetamol) and bleeding for a few hours then heard the gestational sack drop in to the toilet when I went for a wee. I had a transvaginal ultrasound afterwards as I was nervous that I might have retained something (I hadn't). I had no complications or physical problems.

I was very sad for a while.

I hope it all goes as smoothly as possible and that you have much much happier times ahead 💐

I’m so so sorry for your loss. I can only help with your first question about what to expect from a natural mc.

With my first pregnancy, after seeing a heartbeat at 6 weeks I went on to mc at 9 weeks. At 7 weeks I had brown spotting, then 8 weeks some red and then it was confirmed on a scan at 9 weeks that I would miscarry.

I didn’t get much information from the nhs, they gave my a leaflet with some info on which wasn’t very helpful at all. I was bleeding red and brown on and off for 4 days and passing some clots, I thought I had miscarried but then on the 5th day I started to get more intense cramps and heavy bleeding. This progressed through the day and in the end it was about 3 hours of extreme pain, contractions, and lots of blood. It was gushing out as I sat on the toilet anc I was having to change pads every few hours. The pain was the worst I have ever felt and I kept passing large clots which I thought was the baby. I nearly passed out and at one point nearly threw up. I wanted to die it was so painful. The midwife at my scan had just told me to take paracetamol and sit on the sofa!!!!

Eventually I was on the toilet and felt something heavy pass out of me and plop into the toilet. I fished it out and it was the baby in the sac. I looked at it for ages, floating around in there, I was fascinated. I so loved that baby and there was something strangely amazing about seeing the little bean I’d been carrying. As soon as I’d passed it the pain stopped, but the bleeding continued for 2 weeks. A couple of days after this I started to get bad period cramps again, and I took paracetamol. I couldn’t understand why. I walked out dog and felt something come out while I was out. The pain stopped. When I got back I had a look and it was the placenta - a big thick sausage of tissue.

I had no idea mcs happened like this, and I think if it happened this time (I’m currently 6 weeks) I could consider surgical management due to the pain and trauma I endured. But on the other hand I was so grateful to see my baby. I kept it in the fridge for a few days and begged the nhs to test it but they wouldn’t, so we buried it in a pot in our garden with one of my favourite plants on top. I wrote it a letter and put that inside too. It was a beautiful moment.

I don’t want to scare you but I feel like the nhs don’t prepare you for what a mc can be like. I know for some women it’s just a bit of mild pain and bleeding but for me (I guess because I was further along) it was the most traumatic and painful time of my life.

I keep meaning to write about my experience and send it to the hospital to tell them to improve how they support women going through this but now I’m pregnant I just don’t want the stress. Hopefully this pregnancy will work out and I can write the letter after.

I have to say though, the midwives I spoke to were so lovely and kind, it’s just that I didn’t feel they gave enough information on what was about to happen to me and I felt very alone.

I spoke to one kind midwife on the phone after the mc and she posted me a miscarriage association booklet which was helpful. In her letter she wrote:

‘Please call me on this number anytime if you want to talk. Sending you strength for the days ahead.’

It was such a lovely kind thing to say - so I’d like to send you strength for the days ahead too. It will get easier over time and when the bleeding stops you will start to feel better although you’ll never forget what happened xxx

I just want to thank every woman who took time out of their day to reply to my post. I read all of them daily, some of them more than 5 times over and over again.

Our baby was born yesterday at 5.20Am in the bath. I began having contractions around 10pm which became unbearable. At 4.30am I vomited on myself 4 times from the pain whilst I was in the bath. Baby then came after one very long intense contraction, complete and in it’s sac around 15cm in size. My husband called an ambulance and they took me to Kingston hospital where a male doctor clearly wasn’t told I had miscarried and almost knocked our baby off the bed. He then rudely explained that there is nothing left to do as baby is dead and that I can go home.
I have never been pregnant or given birth so I’m still grieving and in shock.

Thankfully I called my workplace after my horrible experience in kingston and they scanned me and took baby to be discarded. Scan confirmed everything was out apart from some clots. They advised me to wait afew months to get pregnant but I really don’t want to waste time.

All mums who are now pregnant after a loss, how long did you wait? How did you get through the fear of losing your baby again? What gives you strength to see friends who have children (I can’t face any of them).

I am sending love to you all, we are all connected although you don’t know me and I really appreciate everyone’s stories here.

@Tra06 I'm so so sorry. Some of these medical people are so horrible as if a mc isnt any serious as any other illness. Stay rested and stay positive. I also had my first mc. I didnt even no what I was doing or going through. I was passing everything in the toilet and vomiting as well. It was mad. I'm happy I have the support of your partner.
For me the pregnancy test was negative after 2 weeks and my af came back yesterday after about 4 weeks. I mc at 11 weeks. Mines was a natural mc and it last for about 5 days or so. Stay positive I no it's hard but I've already purchased teat to start testing after af stops. I've also started taking vitamins to get internal self ready. I didnt do this before. I was gonna ttc straight after as I read on is very fertile after mc especially 2 wks after but also read better for lining to heal and try again after 1st period. Defo depends as some pp have had a lovely baby straight away. I just dont wanna go through all that again but tbh it's all in Gods hands.

@Tra06 I am so sorry for your loss. Last July I had a missed miscarriage with identical twins at 16 weeks. At the 12 week scan all was fine but when I had a scan at 16 weeks they had passed away. I had tablets to induce labour and had them in hospital, unfortunately there was retained products so a month later I was rushed back in for a MVA.
We decided to wait a few months, I am now 12 weeks pregnant with a single pregnancy, apart from a small hematoma bleed at 7 weeks so far so good. It's hard not to worry but I think I have to keep thinking this isn't the same pregnancy and take it a day at a time.
I hope you give yourself time to come to terms with what has happened and grieve.

I'm sorry the doctor at Kingston was so insensitive. I hope you're doing ok, op.

I was scared of having another silent miscarriage and so paid privately on both subsequent pregnancies for an early scan, which I found reassuring.

I was quite conflicted about whether to try to get pregnant straight away or to take some time to recover. I remember taking lots of pregnancy tests afterwards, really wanting to know my body was back to "normal".

In the end (and I appreciate this isn't much help to you in the current circumstances) after a lot of crying I took some time to do things with friends and family that I couldn't have done with a baby, e.g. a really exciting holiday with my best friend, and got in to really long trips on my road bike with DP.

I had my first baby about 18 months after having a miscarriage, and my second a couple of years after that. I had some complications in my pregnancy with my first child, but all ended well.

If I'm honest I avoided seeing other people's babies for a bit. It got easier in time x

Sorry for replying so late- our stories are so similar and I just had my first negative pregnancy test almost 2 weeks after passing baby. We’ve been having unprotected sex whenever we feel like it, and like you say just leaving the rest up to God. I’ve been offered Astra-Zeneca vaccine through work and am booked to take that on Thursday, which my bereavement midwife says may be a good thing to distract me from the daily worries and try and move forward. Praying you are doing well and feeling more positive by the day! It’s a never ending struggle but we’ll get there

reading your story broke my heart but I’m so happy you’re doing abit better and whatever happens, you’re going to be a fantastic mother! Being a woman is so hard and there’s so many ‘what ifs’ but I hope we can all find strength in each other. I certainly have felt so much stronger knowing that miscarriages can happen to anyone and there just is no rhyme or reason. Stay happy and praying for your family that baby number 3 is healthy and happy ♥️

Thankyou so much for your story. It must have been so hard to go through your experience but it’s so uplifting to hear that you managed to have 2 children (albeit still a tough experience it sounds). We’ve decided to just relax and have sex whenever we feel like it and let God do the rest! I’m supposed to have the vaccine this coming week so just trying to focus on that and hope the future includes some babies for us, however long it takes. I’m seeing a miscarriage specialist privately at the end of the month which is expensive but hoping he can reassure me that all is well