Remembering why you wanted a baby in the first place..

[Calmondeck]

I’m pregnant and started out incredibly excited. As the months wear on, I’m finding myself quite exhausted by my incredibly demanding job (average 12-15 hr days). I keep getting told by managers to prioritise my health whilst having more and more demands put on me. Attempts to push back on workload have been met with scorn. Somewhat unhelpful are the comments not to get stressed because the baby will be impacted by the spikes in adrenaline and cortisol. Instead of basking in this special time of life, I’m already feeling the strain of work-life/family balance, and somewhat dreading a future of feeling this way. I know I need to make some changes ASAP, but until a few projects finish in the next fortnight, I have to soldier on.

Can anyone tell me if they ever felt like this before? How they handled it? Or maybe just remind me why having a baby is so wonderful.

Your situation at work sounds unhealthy. It sounds like you are expected to do an inordinate amount of work and people are gaslighting you in the meantime. Do you voluntarily take up too much, or is there pressure from outside? You can only do so much, do not overexert yourself. Set limits to work (like no more than 8 hours a day) and stick to them.

Working 15 hour days?

Zero assistance from management?

The place sounds toxic & bad for you at the best of times never mind being pregnant.

I’ve had something similar at work recently, thankfully not the 12-15 hour days as I have flat out refused to do overtime (for a while now, even before becoming pregnant), but have had the ‘oh please look after yourself’ ‘please don’t get stressed’ ‘let me know if you need help’ from management meanwhile having additional work and responsibility piled on top of my already heavy workload.

I’m currently in my second week off on sick leave with work related stress, have been signed off by GP for at least one more week. Husband & friends had noticed my physical & mental health beginning to suffer & were worried for me & the baby.

Please don’t take any risks with your health & think of yourself & your little baby, if you need time off or can speak to someone in your work other than management, maybe HR, to try to get the situation resolved or get additional resource for your projects please do so.

Thank you so much for the support. I’ve woken up with fresh resolve to discuss it with my boss today. Yes I’m afraid it’s not a particularly healthy work environment. It’s a charity focusing on urgent/emergency needs of others so there is this real culture of “you’re here to serve”. The hard thing is sticking to limits because (it sounds ridiculous) almost all of the tasks are important. Though even as I say that I can feel some strong kicks coming from this little person, and I know this is an important job too.

Other posters have given very sensible advice. It's easy to feel guilty for 'not pulling your weight' but pushing back on an unreasonable workload is entirely the right thing to do. Also good practice in case you plan to return to work - crazy overtime is logistically more difficult with small children. And I say this as someone who has worked in an area where long hours and travel at short notice are very common.

I also just wanted to add that not everyone feels pregnancy is magical (or even enjoyable), but they see pictures of glowing women talking lovingly to their bumps and feel like they are somehow failing to feel the right things.

Hopefully things will calm down workwise soon, and you'll have time to enjoy your pregnancy (or moan and complain, like me).