How did you know it was time?

[Butcanyoujusttellme]

I’ve always thought I’d have a baby ‘when I was older’ ‘when I was in my 30s’ ‘when I get that promotion’ and so on
It’s definitely something I want at some point, it’s not really practical right now but I presume it never is..

I’m not married but LTR, own a home, decent job.
Getting pregnant would damage my career quite significantly (SE, long hours, physical job) and thats my main concern at this point, but also just not feeling ‘mature’ enough or quite ‘ready’ and it’s the biggest commitment I’ll ever make in my life!

On the flip side, I’ve always wanted this, Im almost 32 and I do have some concerns with PCOS and fertility
I keep thinking I’ll think about it next year..

How did you know when it was the right time?

We didn’t! We just knew we wanted kids eventually, are stable in our jobs, have a house, have had a fair few years of earning well and enjoying ourselves and as I was approaching 33 and want a few years between children, we thought we better go for it as you don’t know how long these things can take. I got pregnant the first month of trying then had a missed miscarriage, which took a few months to treat. Tried again when we could, got pregnant straight away again and our little girl is due in 3.5 weeks, a month before I turn 34. I think we’d have held off longer if it weren’t for my age and wanting some time between children but the unknowns about how long it would take etc meant we felt it was the right time for us. Other people may have felt they could wait a bit longer. What I will say is that although it still feels surreal and I don’t think I’ve got my head around the fact there’s going to be an actual baby, I’m so excited and it really does feel like the perfect time.
Good luck with your journey, whatever you decide xxx

There is never a "perfect time". There is a want or not really want kids.

If you do want kids, I would advise to start thinking seriously about it. It does take some time to actually get pregnant even if you have no issues at all.

I was never ready and it was never the right time or the right person. But in the end I got old and it was now or never, have one with him or don’t have one at all.

I’d wanted them but hadn’t wanted them right then when I was 26/27

When we did decide to try I found out PCOS stopped my ovulation dead and it took me until 31 to have number 1

It still wasn’t the perfect time as I had just got settled in a decent job and took a big hit on that

Glad I didn’t wait though

This is such a personal thing that's going to be different for everyone and sadly they don't give you a crystal ball!

For me it happened really gradually - I just started thinking I was getting older and didn't know how good my fertility was and I couldn't put it off forever if I wanted it to happen. I also started caring less and less about my career as I got into my 30s - I'd been pretty successful but it wasn't fulfilling me anymore. Travelling was fun but stopped filling the hole as well. I wanted something more from my life and couldn't figure out what but knew that family was part of it. Had a chat to OH and he was keen so we started trying. I was 32 (nearly 33) then.

I'm now 37 and hoping to give birth to my 1st having had fertility issues that meant we took over 3 years to conceive followed by two losses - each one takes such a long time from start to finish and then you have to TTC again which takes time. I feel like I was incredibly uneducated in my early 30s - I'd seen loads of women older than me have kids and genuinely hadn't realised how much the chances of things going wrong starts to ramp up after 35 or how common MC is in general. I always wanted two kids but that's going to be challenging now. Not impossible but a lot harder and a lot more likely to have bumps in the road. I was financially independent and settled at 24. If I could go back I would've started this whole process years earlier but I guess it wasn't right back then and there's no point dwelling in the past!

Not the perfect time with a house and loads of savings, but after we got married we decided it was time since we both have stable incomes and we own a flat (currently being swapped for a house), but mostly I was done with going out drinking and the friends and party heavy culture of my 20s. I knew I was ready to settle down and wanted to stay in on a Friday and have a little baby to look after!

A deep desire to have a baby. Very strong feelings towards babies and children. This came over me (and my daughters) when we were around 21. Must be hormonal. I'm glad I waited until I was in a better relationship and I also encouraged my daughters to buy a property and travel before thinking about having children. You can't plan everything in life, but I didn't want them to make the mistakes I did and I have been able to make things easier for them. As you say, you may find it difficult so it may be a good idea to start trying now. Good luck.

If you would if asked me a few years ago I'd of said absolutely not. Fast forward few years down the line and I've changed I actually want a baby. Spoke to my husband who was like me didn't want kids (still don't know where he stands ATM) we have spoken a few times about it and I'm a bit concerned tbh, he said that if I want it if hasn't got a choice because he loves me and that he is scared, when we are out and about we see other kids and do comment to each other and I've said that when it's our own it will be different, I'm also scared but isn't every parent with their first. We have agreed on having only one and that suits me just fine. Since then we have spoken a few more times about it but not long conversations where as i want to sit down and talk plan things ect. I just don't know how to approach the subject with him.

We had just secured a reservation on a new build and expected issues with fertility so wanted to be able to go get help after trying for a year. Got pregnant straight away very surprisingly and will have the baby before our new build is available. Staying with family until we can get into our new house. Not ideal but there’s never a right time. If we waited until we were in the house I know we would find things we want to do to the house/spend money on!

Getting pregnant would damage my career quite significantly (SE, long hours, physical job)

No getting pregnant wouldn't damage your career...but having an unsupportive dp would.

There's not a right time really but I would suggest getting married before you do!! And talking about how you both view what it would be like and what roles you will play/expect the other to play!

I didn't! I was constantly making excuses saying how I didn't want to be pregnant for a certain holiday, Christmas, friends weddings etc... my dh just said one day that they'll always be something coming up I don't want to be pregnant for and flat out asked me when we could start trying. I managed to squeeze in one last holiday and then we got down to it lol! I was 32 when we stared, had a couple of miscarriages but happily had our first when I was 33. For me there wasn't a right time, it was just a leap of faith in the end!

I don't know if there is ever a time where you will think "I'm ready for kids". I'm 24 soon 25 and have always known I wanted a family but could never imagine a time where I would actually sit and say to myself I'm ready to have a baby now. That was until I had an unplanned pregnancy when I was 23 but sadly had a miscarriage at 11 weeks. This left me and my partner heartbroken as we had just got used to the idea of becoming parents and we were so excited and because of this decided we wanted to try again in a few months for another baby. We decided to hold off due to the uncertainty last year with COVID but have now decided we are just going to go for it and try again. I know some people will think 25 is still "too young" but I don't think it is really. I know so many people my age that have kids and it feels like all my friends are starting to have kids now too some already having them. It's a constant battle between people saying not to have kids too young and not to wait to long because of complications etc. I have always thought 25/26 was a good age to try for your first but that's just my opinion. But really I think when it happens it will feel right.

I realised that I'd been saying 'i'll have kids in 5 years time' for quite a lot of years, so changed it to 'I'll have kids before I'm 30' when I met DH. I got married at 28 and had a baby 5 months before my 30th birthday.

He is 2 and I still don't feel ready.

There will never be a perfect time, and you may never feel broody. I was more worried about leaving it too late than my career, but you might be willing to have a baby in your 40s in order to progress your career in your 30s.

@biibbiibobby

Getting pregnant would damage my career quite significantly (SE, long hours, physical job)

No getting pregnant wouldn't damage your career...but having an unsupportive dp would.

There's not a right time really but I would suggest getting married before you do!! And talking about how you both view what it would be like and what roles you will play/expect the other to play!

He’s very supportive, but the actual being pregnant part would make my job difficult to do, and the recovery / BF part too! He would happily cut his own hours and do the bulk of the childcare once I go back to work, but just those few months off would be a problem.

Deep down though I also know I wouldn’t want to work the way I do now, if I had a baby, and I don’t really know how I’ll juggle it

We didn’t but it was a logical decision. We knew we wanted upto 3 children and ideally before I was 35 with 2.5-3yr age gaps between each child. We just worked it backwards to when we should start ttc.

@SkyBlue20 congratulations

@BlueberryPancake21 your first paragraph is exactly how I feel. I’m sorry for your losses but so happy to hear you are expecting, Congratulations

@ftmum94 congratulations on the house and the baby!!

@lisamxxx good luck! It would have been too young for me, but I know lots of amazing parents who had children at that age. Many of those would say I’m far too old now to have left it this long. I think there are pros and cons to both sides and if it’s what you want you will make it work for you and your DC

I d always wanted children around 25, dad died in his mid 30s so very important to me if I had a baby that I would do it as young as practical to do so, we d been married 2 years, had a house and solid plans to clear debts and I was in a better job to be pregnant in.
I got pregnant a month before I was 25 and then the first lockdown started, I had a great pregnancy health wise until the last few days but definitely felt like my youth helped me deal with the sepsis I ended up with lost birth and certainly seems to make the sleep deprivation easier.

Thank you for tour thoughts everyone! X

For me it was when I started getting a burning jealousy whenever anyone announced they were pregnant. I’d wanted kids for years before that but never took the plunge.
Now up at 3am feeding my 2 week old milk gremlin and so glad we took the plunge 😀

Same as @Piccalily19 - December 2019 saw a lot of people announce pregnancies & we met my 4 week old nephew for the first time.

I said to DH that I thought it was the right time - married, bought a house, both in stable jobs etc.

DS is now seven weeks old.

There’s a book just come out called the Panic Years that actually discusses this very topic.

Didn’t feel ready even when I was staring down at an (unplanned) positive test. I was less than a year into my dream job, early thirties and very panicked.

It’s all working out OK, especially with work. You adapt.

If I could have my time again I like @Adancewithdragons’s practical plan. More people should do that, if they’re lucky enough to find someone they want to have children with. It should be a practical decision.

Me & my Husband had the baby conversation about 3 years ago, we decided lets see how we are around 2/3 years time. At this point my Husband turned 30, I turn 30 this year, Married for 4 years, living together for 6 years. The time came and we said if not now then when?

I'm 23 weeks tomorrow :)