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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Pregnant, father doesn't want baby. I want to move.

23 replies

Ccbea · 15/02/2021 12:08

Hi,
I need advice!
I just found out I'm 6 weeks pregnant. The father is someone I used to be a relationship with but we broke up a few years ago. We remained friends and occasionally have sex. When I told him I was pregnant he bacame angry and distressed, he definitely doesn't want me to keep it. I'm feeling like I really want this baby. I live in London at the moment but would like to move back to Ireland where my parents are for support. I don't think being a single mother in London is a viable option for me. While the father says he doesn't want the baby I'm not sure how he will feel once it's born, is it fair of me to move to another country? I don't really see what other options I have but feel like I'm being selfish for wanting to leave.
What can I do?!

OP posts:
womaninatightspot · 15/02/2021 12:10

I'd move tbh. Much easier to move whilst pregnant than after the baby is born if he wants to be difficult. Not sure about maintenance claims from Ireland though.

Devaki · 15/02/2021 12:13

Do what is best for you and the baby. Don’t be bullied into doing something you may regret.

Sparrow91 · 15/02/2021 12:13

I probably can’t offer a ton of advice but didn’t want to read and run.

I’m not sure what the legal position is but surely if he’s clearly saying he doesn’t want the baby then it’s your prerogative to move? If he then changed his mind and you’ve moved then I would say it’s up to him to come to you in Ireland - as from your post it sounds like you would stay in London if he had supported you.

I would move as soon as possible to ensure you have the right support for the end of the pregnancy in terms of medical care etc.

swinglowsweetchariot12 · 15/02/2021 12:16

Do what's best for you and baby

PatchworkElmer · 15/02/2021 12:18

Make your decision based on the information you have now, and move.

OakSnows · 15/02/2021 12:18

Move, and do it whilst pregnant before baby is here.

anniebu · 15/02/2021 12:18

He doesn't want it and will only be happy if you leave. It would be too selfish to demand he be an involved father, but by separating, you are basically granting his wishes (as far as possible seeing you want the baby). Also being selfish is not always bad. You do need to put the interests of yourself and the baby before your ex's!

BabyC21 · 15/02/2021 12:25

I would say move, but I would check out your maternity pay entitlement before you do. If you have savings/support it might not be a deal breaker but good to be informed.
Not sure how long it’s been since you were in Ireland but I think you need a certain amount of weeks employment to get maternity benefit from the government

Original poster
Ccbea · 15/02/2021 12:43

I think he still believes that he can convince me to get rid of it, he's pretty used to getting his own way. I think he's being quite manipulative. He has said that he would resent the baby if I have it but has also said he wouldn't let me leave the country if I choose to have it. We're in our 30's, I wish he would grow up and take responsibility.

OP posts:
giletrouge · 15/02/2021 12:46

He's not going to grow up just because you want him to. Move now, before the baby's born. He has no way of stopping you. If he wants to get in touch later you might want to keep that open, but not so open he's got any way of harrassing you.
You're gonna be a mum - congatulations, btw - look after you and your baby. Flowers

Changechangychange · 15/02/2021 12:51

He can’t stop you moving. He can potentially stop the baby moving, once they are born. So move now.

ReggieKrait · 15/02/2021 13:06

Move now, and don’t put his name on the birth certificate. Get a fresh start for yourself and a clean slate for your little baby. You don’t need him in your lives.

VimFuego101 · 15/02/2021 13:08

@Ccbea

I think he still believes that he can convince me to get rid of it, he's pretty used to getting his own way. I think he's being quite manipulative. He has said that he would resent the baby if I have it but has also said he wouldn't let me leave the country if I choose to have it. We're in our 30's, I wish he would grow up and take responsibility.
Move now, far away from these big red flags. Don't put him on the birth certificate or give the baby his surname.
AegonT · 15/02/2021 13:31

Move now before the baby is born and don't name him on the birth certificate.

halfwaythrough2 · 15/02/2021 13:57

Seriously don't put him on the birth certificate if you want to move away after the baby is born , he would have to get a court ordered dna to prove he was the babies dad to stop you from leaving. He sounds manipulative and sounds like he may be an ass once they are born

natalienewname · 15/02/2021 14:06

Luckily he's shown you exactly who he is and what he has planned. So you can take that information and act.

He's manipulative. He doesn't have your best interests at heart. He doesn't want the baby. He doesn't have the baby's best interests at heart. If you have the baby he will stop you leaving and make your life very difficult.

If you want the baby, sounds like you do, I'd move now. Go home to your family and surround yourself with people who care about you rather than trying to live a difficult life in London with this guy making things harder.

I would disengage from him. Set up a new email address, use this only for communication with him about anything essential (although really I'd cut that out too). Block him on all other form of communication. Leave. Don't tell him you are leaving.

Awomanwalksintoabar · 15/02/2021 14:09

Congratulations. Do move, and move soon. As I said to a friend in a slightly similar position recently: while the baby is still inside you, what’s right for the baby IS what’s right for you, and vice versa. Once it’s born, it’s a whole different story. (Unfortunately my friend didn’t take my advice, but maybe you will!)

thisislovelyme · 15/02/2021 14:13

Moving back to Ireland to be near your family sounds like a great decision for you and your baby. Family support will be invaluable to you.

NinaMimi · 15/02/2021 14:28

I agree with above comments. He can’t stop you moving now but could cause issues if you have the baby in London. I’d move as soon as you can. You know what kind of person he is. If he’s manipulative and said he has no interest in baby realistically he’s not going to transform into a great caring supportive person when you have the baby. It’d also be good for you to have support around you from family.
Look into the issue of whether to list him as father. The benefit is that he may have to pay maintenance but negative is that he’ll have more rights to access child etc. So look into options and weigh them up.

strawberriesatmypicnic · 15/02/2021 22:04

Yes I would Move ( I'm Irish and would love to move back home) you need reliable support from family/ friends, doesn't sound like this man will support you.

strawberriesatmypicnic · 15/02/2021 22:06

@Ccbea

I think he still believes that he can convince me to get rid of it, he's pretty used to getting his own way. I think he's being quite manipulative. He has said that he would resent the baby if I have it but has also said he wouldn't let me leave the country if I choose to have it. We're in our 30's, I wish he would grow up and take responsibility.
He cannot stop you from moving home whilst pregnant. It's possible he might be able to stop you from leaving if he is on the birth certificate.
Alienchannell21 · 15/02/2021 22:07

As others have said move before you have the baby otherwise he could potentially stop you moving at a later date.

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/02/2021 22:09

He sounds dreadful. Move back and make sure you check with an Irish lawyer about rights and birth certificates and child support.

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