Scared I'm pregnant

[esgill]

I'm 29 and I think I want to have children in the future but I would prefer it to be planned. It's only very recently that I am entertaining the ideauntil a few years ago, I thought I would never want kids. I'm married but my husband is not from the UK and doesn't have permanent residency. The future is quite uncertainwe may have to leave the UK when his visa expires. I don't earn enough to be able to sponsor a spouse visa.

I'm using Natural Cycles as birth control as hormonal contraceptives don't agree with me. We had unprotected sex on a supposedly unfertile day, 3rd February. The day before yesterday I had what felt like implantation pain: a prickling feeling in my left ovary. It was similar 4 years ago when I found out I was pregnant and ultimately got an abortion. My period is due today and while too early to say it won't come, I haven't been spotting as I normally do.

I am scared. Not sure what to do if I am pregnant. It would be unplanned. My husband and I want kids but I would want to discuss it/be in a more comfortable situation.

I wouldn't know whether to terminate or go ahead with it. I've realized the idea of being pregnant - and having a child - terrifies me. The idea of losing my independence, my body changing, perhaps the way it might negatively impact my relationship. I'm also scared about what gender it might be if I am pregnant. It sounds ridiculous but I always thought if I have a child, I would have one, a girl. Obviously there's a 50:50 chance I might have a boy. I am terrified I wouldn't love a baby/know what to do/feel like I've made an awful mistake when it's too late and I have to ensure that child has as good a life as they can have. I am scared about the world they might grow up in. Of my own mental health issues (depression and anxiety) rubbing off on them. Any advice welcome re how to deal with these feelings.

Well maybe take a test first? Could be worrying over nothing.

This is all a bit of a leap when you haven’t even taken a test

You need to take a test and start using a better form of contraception.

Take a test. Why are you worrying about gender? That's a silly thing to worry about and you can't control it. It really doesn't matter if it's a boy or girl.

I agree with a PP, if you have all these intense thoughts and feelings about pregnancy and what kind of world you’d being your (hopefully girl?! ) child into it seems crazy not to be using a more reliable form of contraception.

Take a test and google condoms. And don’t have children if you’re desperate for a girl and wouldn’t want a boy.

Take a test. Stress CAN make you late.
Then talk to a doctor regarding contraception.

Erm take a test and start using contraception.

You're probably not pregnant - fingers crossed for you
Don't be having unprotected sex on pre-ovulation green days if you really don't want to get pregnant! I got pregnant that way, SEVEN days before ovulation.
I'd recommend joining the Natural Cycles Facebook group if you're not already a member. Lots of good support on there.

rolls eyes at PP insensitive comments

@esgill what you feel is perfectly normal. Especially if this is unplanned. Are you trying to figure out your feelings about this before taking a test? I would advise you wait as close to your period being due as possible, because you might get a false negative.

It's perfectly ok to not feel ready right now and go ahead with an abortion. Do what is right for YOU in this moment. You can't predict how you'll feel in the future, either way. So do the best with the knowledge and feelings you have today.

If you're not pregnant, is there another form of contraception you can try as a back-up to your app? Maybe a diaphragm? Or perhaps your partner can try condoms for a while and see how you both go.

With regard to the feelings, I've found speaking to someone has helped me in the past. I'd have a search around if see if there are any online resources you can utilize to chat to someone about how you're feeling.

Best of luck, and whatever the outcome be kind to yourself.

I can't use hormones as I have auras and have a significantly increased risk of stroke. The only other option for me is the coil but several friends have said that even if not hormonal, it sent their hormones into disarray in a similar way. Natural Cycles is FDA approved and works for many people. You take your temperature every day and input your cycle. It's 97% effective with perfect use.

Hi Jazzibelle,

Thanks for your kind response. Yes, I am. It’s only recently I can imagine myself having children. I sort of felt that maybe I’d want kids at around 30, which isn’t long-off, but right now it seems too soon. At the same time, I realise if I were pregnant I would already be 30 by my due date, which would be autumn this year. I am overwhelmed thinking about how it might pan out. I’m scared of not having enough time. Of it being unplanned. I think there would be no right choice but it’s agonizing over the decision that is painful.

We do use condoms during red days. I just wonder if the app got it wrong on this occasion. It was 8 days after ovulation…

@esgill to be honest, I'm not sure many of us are truly ready. I always thought mine would be the result of a whoopsie moment that I realised "oh, I guess we're doing this then" but as it turns out, I actively tried to get PG because I'm of an age that if I didn't now, I might not be able to in the future (I can see 40 on the horizon!)

Even though my PG is planned, I honestly feel overwhelmed too. How are we realistically going to do this? I'm 3 months off my due date and nowhere near prepared.

My point is, you're probably not as alone in your feelings as you may think. So many women seem to have their sh*t together with pregnancy, but so many of us are head-first into this and hoping for the best. That's perfectly ok too :-)

Those apps are great, but some months are outliers (I've noticed this using Clue and OPKs when trying) and that's just how are bodies are. The predictions aren't 100%, so it is possible that the dates and your cycle didn't quite match this time around. Remember you're doing the best you can for yourself, and that's enough.

If it's negative, I hope you're not disappointed. If it's positive, I hope you are able to come to a decision that you feel comfortable with. There is no right or wrong, only what is right for you x

Take an early response test today - it should show pregnant if you are. And try not to panic until you know you're pregnant. It will be OK whatever happens x

@esgill I had the copper coil after coming off hormonal contraceptives due to having severe migraines with auras. I was hospitalised once as they thought it was a stroke. The copper coil did absolutely nothing to my hormones. Once it was in, I forgot about for years until I had it removed to start ttc. I loved it! Not trying to sound confrontational, just asking a genuine question, but I don’t understand how a non hormonal device would have affected your friends hormones?

I saw you said that you have anxiety and depression, do you have things in place to help with this? Can you use some of those to try and keep yourself calm until you are able to take a test? I know the thought of an unplanned pregnancy can be terrifying but if you’ve been using the app correctly it’s not likely. Try not to let your mind get consumed with scenarios that haven’t happened yet. Hope you’re ok ❤️.

@esgill

I wasn't being meaning to come across as mean. I was only trying to help.

Stress and anxiety really can effect horrible hornmones as well. I've been there. Late two weeks not pregnant it turned out to be stress.