History of miscarriages and scared about going for scans on my own

[MissPMA]

Before having my son I had 4 miscarriages so throughout my pregnancy with him I was extremely anxious, plus had bleeding at various stages.
I’ve just found out I’m pregnant, obviously v early days but having looked at our hospital website it appears that the EPU are not doing early scans at all ( in my previously pregnancy I had regular early scans due to bleeding and for reassurance) and that for the routine scans partners are not allowed In. Does anyone have any wise words or experiences to share on going for scans on your own, my head is spinning right now!

I completely understand how you feel op - I had mc and then when pg with dd my dp couldn’t come to scans as his employer wouldn’t allow the time off. I remember being so nervous

I would suggest calling the hospital, asking to speak to mw and explaining the situation. They may let your dp listen in by mobile (audio or facetime). I was allowed audio by the sonographr a few years back with dd - this gave me a bit of support and meant dp could hear the heart beat.

Tommy’s helpline are really good with suppport on this kind of thing, so worth calling the mw on the helpline to discuss

Sending you an un mn hug

EPAU are still doing scans but only if you have problems. You can go for private scans but they are costly. I know it's torture waiting for scans and other milestones.
I have had 5 mc's, my most recent was in July. I had a private scan at 8+3 but still lost the baby a week later. I was very worried when I went to my dating scan on Tuesday, even more so when another lady came out crying after her scan. I had to go alone as dh had the kids (we'd not told anyone due to previous mc's) but he was allowed to come and is for other hospital appointments. The sonographer showed me baby and it's little heartbeat before she did any measurements which was a big relief. Felt like a lifetime waiting from bfp to dating scan but glad I did as baby was very active which is always a good sign. On my private scan that baby was so small there was no movement other than the flicker of the heart beating. They've booked my anomaly scan for 7 weeks later, I can't wait that long so booked a private scan for half way between (now family know we can have them babysit). I need that little check in to worry a bit less, couldn't justify the cost of having multiple ones though. Currently 13+2wk.

Good luck

No wise words but I can relate. I had 5 miscarriages and went to most scans on my own due to my husband’s work. It’s scary and horrible but you will get through it. I

Thanks for your reply and reassurance, and sorry to hear of your experience- that’s shocking that your dp’s employer wouldn’t give him the time off!
I will give the hospital a call and see what they say, I need to book the gp too as will be on progesterone so will have bc a chat with him.
I hadn’t thought of the Tommy’s helpline so will give them a call, in my last pregnancy my midwife was not very understanding of my anxiety and it would be good to speak to some who gets it

I was pregnant during lockdown 1 and my hospital were letting partners join appointments in exceptional circumstances. I was allowed to have my husband join my final consultant appointment where we decided on induction vs CS after a previous traumatic birth. They were letting partners join for 20 week scans by June and I believe partners are currently being allowed at 12 and 20 week scans at that hospital. Obviously it varies by location, but it might be worth explaining your history to your midwife and asking if there is any possibility that your partner could be with you for support.

I’m so sorry to hear of your losses @chelyanne what a difficult time for you, the gap between 12 and 20 weeks is so long and I hope that having a scan in between gives you some reassurance

Sorry to hear of your losses @freetodowhatiwant. This is a much wanted pregnancy and we went into knowing that we could be in lockdown when I got pregnant and decided that if that happened we would be tough and get through it. I’m feeling a bit better now the shock has settled, have learnt from previous experiences to just take it a day at a time

Yes just take it a day at a time, that’s the main thing. The scans are awful but what I tried to tell myself was they didn’t affect the outcome. If the heartbeat had already gone it had gone. I would see my husband and other support ASAP afterwards. And if it’s good news - amazing ❤️

I think that sounds like a brilliant approach op

Keep posting if you want to - lots of us back been through pg after mc and also attending scans alone and we can empathise

My husband has been allowed to attend all my scans. I’m now 32 weeks, so whole pregnancy has been during covid times.

Have you been told he definitely can’t go with you?

Thanks @IdesMarchof. I don’t post much here but when I was bleeding early in my last pregnancy I got advice on a miscarriage thread to push to speak to my rmc and get progesterone which I will always be grateful for!
@JemimaTiggywinkle that’s brilliant you’ve had your husband there throughout, I think it depends on each hospital but on their website it says currently nobody is allowed. Hopefully restrictions will start to ease soon though

It might still be worth checking though, I know my local hospital website has a lot of information on from the start of the pandemic that just hasn’t been updated since.

There’s also this NHS guidance that says hospitals should allow partners to all scans. Might be worth contacting the hospital PALS team to check, and then make a formal complain, referencing the guidance if they say no.

www.england.nhs.uk/coronavirus/wp-content/uploads/sites/52/2020/12/C0961-Supporting-pregnant-women-using-maternity-services-during-the-coronavirus-pandemic-actions-for-NHS-provi.pdf

Oh thank you for the link, I will definitely be referencing this. It’s v early days and I don’t want to think too far ahead but also it’s good to be prepared and if needed I will take it up with PALS

I'm so sorry for your losses - it makes pregnancy such an anxious time.

You might feel differently but I thought it was worth sharing that I've actually found it easier in some ways in lockdown. Waiting for a scan after losses is always going to be awful. At the moment I like that the waiting room is quieter, there's no-one rubbing their shoulders up against yours, nobody chatting. With my first MC I was sat waiting for my scan with DH, both of us worried and 90% sure we'd lost our baby, next to a girl and her mate chatting about her abortion and how she hoped they'd let her do it at home this time now she knows what she's doing. I much prefer the silence. I've also found it easier to hold myself together on my own. I'm only sad that DH hasn't had the experience he would usually.

Someone on here recommended taking a puzzle book for when you're waiting. Such good advice - doing a crossword (not something I would do normally!) really helped me to keep my mind occupied. Much better than just reading stuff on my phone.

[quote JemimaTiggywinkle]It might still be worth checking though, I know my local hospital website has a lot of information on from the start of the pandemic that just hasn’t been updated since.

There’s also this NHS guidance that says hospitals should allow partners to all scans. Might be worth contacting the hospital PALS team to check, and then make a formal complain, referencing the guidance if they say no.

www.england.nhs.uk/coronavirus/wp-content/uploads/sites/52/2020/12/C0961-Supporting-pregnant-women-using-maternity-services-during-the-coronavirus-pandemic-actions-for-NHS-provi.pdf[/quote]
Not quite. They have to make every effort but in some hospitals there is a delay. I had my 20 week scan yesterday alone and my hospital doesn't have the screens in place yet to allow partners in. They can't make them arrive any quicker so a complaint would be futile.

I know it's different in every area, but my hospital is letting partners/a support person in for 12 and 20 week scans.

@MissPMA sorry you’re feeling this way, I can sympathise.
I had a previous mmc, which I had to attend alone due to covid last year. I’m pregnant again now and was terrified to go through a scan alone again. Despite guidelines changing, the changes have not been adopted in my hospital (South East) and they have stated that they are unable to facilitate due to space. Hopefully your trust changes their rules soon.
When I arrived I told reception I was really nervous and a really lovely nurse came to speak to me for a while. Everyone was lovely. The student and sonographer knew I was apprehensive, so found baby and heartbeat straight away before starting the full scan.
For now, take each day as it comes xx

No real advice just sympathy and good luck wishes. I have a similar history - 3 miscarriages before my daughter and bleeding in every pregnancy.

I then had a late miscarriage at 16 weeks last year that was unexplained and a total shock. I was alone for that scan. I’m now pregnant again with what will our very last attempt either way and will be going alone to a 6.5 week scan tomorrow. Our EPAU are still seeing recurrent miscarriage patients, so I’d check if that’s definitely not the case.

Good luck.

Thank you @Carefree1, that’s good to hear you were looked after.
@Lostinspace23 that must have been a terrible shock for you, I can’t imagine how traumatic that was to find out on your own. Sending you all the best wishes for tomorrow

It’s been a hard day. I had my scan and there was an empty sac, the Sonographer said there’s a possibility that my dates are out and I’m actually under 6 weeks but I know I’m definitely over 7, I go back next week to have it confirmed. Feeling very sad.
The whole EPU experience was horrible, after being told when I made the appointment that my husband could attend I found out today that actually he couldn’t. They almost didn’t even let me in as they said they only scan after 8 weeks and that I’d been booked in by mistake, after having had a sleepless night and completely anxious already I was too shocked to challenge this but they finally agreed to scan me due to my having had spotting. When I’m feeling stronger I’m going to make a complaint