I don’t feel love or a connection to my unborn baby

[pixlilpep]

I don’t feel an attachment or love towards my unborn baby.
I’m currently 27 weeks pregnant. When I fell pregnant it was a shock but both my partner and I were happy. Him more so than me, he kept reassuring me this was a good thing and the right time etc.. I was scared but thought that feeling would disappear quickly, I also didn’t have a connection but I thought once I started to grow a bump, see scan pics etc I would automatically get that motherly instinct and begin to love or at least bond with her (she’s a girl). At the beginning of my second trimester my relationship with my partner suddenly broke down due to him lying. Pretty much leaving me to start my journey into motherhood living with my parents, which was never the plan!! Obviously I couldn’t trust him anymore so we separated. (There is a lot more details to the separation but thats another story) I would of never allowed myself to fall or stay pregnant if I thought I wouldn’t be staying with my partner. I’ve had no support from him emotionally, mentally, physically or financially throughout my entire pregnancy. I’ve had to buy and prepare everything on my own for this baby. I have a bump now and I still feel no connection or love towards her. I’m sure subconsciously a part of the problem is the father situation and the fact I was already nervous and shocked to have fallen pregnant and now to be doing it all myself is terrifying. I feel trapped and sometimes wish I wasn’t pregnant. I know that sounds awful and I wish I didn’t feel like this but I can’t seem to shake the feeling!!! I keep thinking one day I’ll wake up and feel in love and excited to be having this little girl but I’ve realised I’m due in 13 weeks and I still feel absolutely nothing positive towards her. It’s not her fault and I feel terrible about the whole situation but I’m not sure what to do now. I can’t help my feelings. If my relationship had broken down in early pregnancy I would of 100% had an abortion but it broke down when I was 20 weeks pregnant. When I seen her on the ultrasound I didn’t feel any love then either, I expected to cry and have this connection like you see and hear other mothers to be do. I feel bad saying all this and I wish I didn’t feel this as I’m aware there are so many amazing woman out there that would make fantastic mothers and they struggle to fall pregnant!! Anyway, I just want someone to tell me they have had a similarly experience lol! I hope when she is born everything changes 🤞🏼 Thanks for reading!
Sorry for the long read.

I didn't bond with my daughter when I was pregnant even though I knew she was a girl and had her name picked out. I just can't bond with a baby I can't see or hold etc. I bonded fine when she was born. Same with this pregnancy.

I never had a bond with my unborn baby! His nickname was "the spawn" because I was so miserable, threw up all the time and was actually really annoyed about how he was wrecking my life.

Said spawn is 20 months old now and he's fab - I bonded with him as soon as we didn't have to share a body any more.

Naaah, I didn’t feel a massive bond until he was smiling at me a few months old. You must be petrified, it will be different when you meet her because it’s likely you’ll have a maternal instinct take over. You just look after them because you have to. Then a bond comes. It’s different for everyone please don’t think an intense bond from pissing on a stick is the only way.

Now at 8m feel like I really want to spend time with him because he’s fun, he’s cool and it helps I’m his favourite person.

I didn’t bond with my youngest during pregnancy. I think is is common following a stressful life event like the end of a relationship etc.
I found out I was pregnant just after we lost our youngest DD. I didn’t want another child I just wanted her back.
I was wracked with guilt about my feelings, I tried so hard to picture him and love him but I just couldn’t. Then when he was born, oh how it changed. He is 5 now and so very cherished and loved. He has made us all smile again, in a way we never thought we would again.
Don’t be hard on yourself op. You have been through a lot. Give it time.

I never had a bond. Actually I hated my unborn baby for making me so sick during pregnancy. It doesn’t help when people talk about ‘forming a bond with your unborn child’. For me and many others, that’s a load of rubbish!

@pixlilpep

I don’t feel an attachment or love towards my unborn baby. I’m currently 27 weeks pregnant. When I fell pregnant it was a shock but both my partner and I were happy. Him more so than me, he kept reassuring me this was a good thing and the right time etc.. I was scared but thought that feeling would disappear quickly, I also didn’t have a connection but I thought once I started to grow a bump, see scan pics etc I would automatically get that motherly instinct and begin to love or at least bond with her (she’s a girl). At the beginning of my second trimester my relationship with my partner suddenly broke down due to him lying. Pretty much leaving me to start my journey into motherhood living with my parents, which was never the plan!! Obviously I couldn’t trust him anymore so we separated. (There is a lot more details to the separation but thats another story) I would of never allowed myself to fall or stay pregnant if I thought I wouldn’t be staying with my partner. I’ve had no support from him emotionally, mentally, physically or financially throughout my entire pregnancy. I’ve had to buy and prepare everything on my own for this baby. I have a bump now and I still feel no connection or love towards her. I’m sure subconsciously a part of the problem is the father situation and the fact I was already nervous and shocked to have fallen pregnant and now to be doing it all myself is terrifying. I feel trapped and sometimes wish I wasn’t pregnant. I know that sounds awful and I wish I didn’t feel like this but I can’t seem to shake the feeling!!! I keep thinking one day I’ll wake up and feel in love and excited to be having this little girl but I’ve realised I’m due in 13 weeks and I still feel absolutely nothing positive towards her. It’s not her fault and I feel terrible about the whole situation but I’m not sure what to do now. I can’t help my feelings. If my relationship had broken down in early pregnancy I would of 100% had an abortion but it broke down when I was 20 weeks pregnant. When I seen her on the ultrasound I didn’t feel any love then either, I expected to cry and have this connection like you see and hear other mothers to be do. I feel bad saying all this and I wish I didn’t feel this as I’m aware there are so many amazing woman out there that would make fantastic mothers and they struggle to fall pregnant!! Anyway, I just want someone to tell me they have had a similarly experience lol! I hope when she is born everything changes 🤞🏼 Thanks for reading! Sorry for the long read.

I'm going to keep it short and sweet but the bond WILL come. Even when my child was first born I felt no immediate connection, but as she got older and older it grew stronger and stronger, I was a very young mother and was going through so so much. But like i said it will come.

Thank you all so much for your support & kind words! It's nice to hear that I'm not an awful mother to be and these feelings are common and somewhat normal. I'm definitely going to speak to my Midwife at our next appointment. I have good family support but it's nice to hear other people's stories from out with my family/friend circle. Pregnancy really isn't what it's hyped up to be, cradling the bump, glowing, loving something you haven't met. Il keep you updated on how it goes come May when she is here😐 Let's hope it's smiles all round..

Hi, I am in almosy exactly the same situation. Except we got pregnant on purpose and then like 2 months in I findout I can't trust him in the sense that he leads me into thinking he is agreeing with me and giving me the go ahead to do something then the next time we speak he completely has a different opinion. It makes life for me so confusing, and I rufuse to live like this.
I'm so close to leaving him.
But ever since the first arguement where he said I wasn't going to be a good mom (but of course denies ever having said it), I've had no connection to the baby. I mean I want to so badly, but all that goes through my head is that it was all a mistake.
He even made the ultrasound a horrible experience. And that ruined it all, no emotions for the little one. I'm so depressed I barely eat, don't drink enough water. Basically I am not taking care of myself the way I was before the first argument, I have lost all of my motivation and happiness.

Let yourself feel these feelings and don't feel guilty. This is a lot to be dealing with and of course you're not going to feel fantastic. Becoming a Mum for the first time is terrifying but you'll manage it, can you treat yourself to something before she arrives? As a distraction but also as a reminder that you are important in this process too.

@Mowie this man is worth risking your health for. How dare he ruin scans, I wouldn't bother inviting him again.

Never bonded with any of mine in Utero. Also took time to truly. love them (though the protective and caring feeling came once I saw them). Love them to the moon and back.

You are having a very hard time in your situation. Don’t feel guilty worrying why you don’t love the foetus! It will all come in time, starting with actually seeing your daughter for real and are caring for her ( scan pics just not the same)

Best of luck