Having a second baby? Too soon?

[britbo]

So I have a 6 month old baby girl. Loving the parenthood ride so far. As hard as it is, it really is worth it. Seriously considering getting pregnant again so I can have two children close in age. The thought of giving her a sibling excites me but scares the sh*t out of me too. Just want to know other people's experiences of having a toddler and a baby. Be as raw and honest as ya want, I'm all ears!

Our 2nd & 3rd have a 16.5mth age gap. Can be tiring but it's nice having kids close in age. Many compare a small age gap to having twins but it's not at all, we have a set of twins too.

Ive got two that are 17 months apart. It's nice they're close in age, and they do play together. But...
They clash and argue as much as any siblings, it's not all a bed of roses being close in age.
They are very different characters, the eldest has never been any trouble at all, the youngest is VERY hard work. Sounds obvious but bear this in mind
Activities are limited with one pair of hands and two very little ones. Swimming was off the cards for example, soft play is difficult trying to follow a toddler round with a baby under your arm, age specific baby/toddler groups were quite limiting.
Nap times rarely coincide.
Double buggies are a pain.
The days will go by in a blur of tiredness and busyness.
I do feel I missed out a bit on the very short toddler years of my older one, as I was very tied up with the baby. I felt I was always feeding, soothing, and changing the younger one and couldn't dedicate as much attention to the older one as I would have liked. She was at pre school before I knew it and I felt I'd blinked and missed it. But that could just be mum guilt!

Not trying to put you off, just being honest. There's no ideal age gap and there will always be pros and cons.

My DD was 21 months when DS was born and although they get on great and always have someone to play with, it was hard work and I felt that DD was unintentionally treated as if she was older than she was, she didn’t get as much attention as she deserve despite my good intentions.🤷‍♀️Pros and cons to having them close and having a few years gap.

My closest NCT friend got pregnant when her oldest (same age as my DS1) was 6 months, so had a 15 month age gap. For the first 1-1.5 years I did not envy her - it was HARD, especially as her DD1 was a pretty high-maintenance toddler. I was nowhere near ready to think about getting pregnant again for a long time after that, and watching her struggle with her two really put me off! Just constant demands from one or the other of them, and the older one not really understanding that sometimes she had to wait for the little one's needs to be met.

BUT a few years down the line (our older kids are now 4.5) and I think the tables have turned. I had DS2 with a 2y8m age gap, which was probably easier in the early days as DS1 was at nursery, was a bit more understanding about waiting, was more verbal and able to be reasoned with(ish!) plus DS2 was a fairly chilled baby so spent quite a lot of time on my lap/in the buggy while DS1 ran around playgroup. Now though, I'm chasing a toddler with no sense of danger, while trying to keep DS1 happy (he wants my attention more now he sees he might have to share with DS2!); and both my friend's two kids are off playing by themselves/with each other, and she can sit and finally relax for a few minutes. She's also got them both potty trained so no more lugging a great big nappy bag around, which I see me having for at least the next year!

I wouldn't swap places with her, but there's definite pros and cons to any age gap.

I have a big gap between mine. My first will be 6 before this one comes along and I have to say i really regret not having them closer together. The way my son is now he will probably have little interest in a baby and ive now got my son onto school im having to go back with a newborn in the house. If you want one now go for it.

Insanity to me- the first 6 months (with an “easy” baby) can be blissful, loved loved loved my first mat leave. I personally found 1-2 yrs so difficult, the sheer physicality and lack of communication a daily struggle that I was happy to be back at work.
Obviously every woman is different, 2 under 2 is my idea of hell and much prefer a 3yr age gap as my eldest is far more self sufficient and has a greater understanding that I don’t feel spread so thinly all the time. I can enjoy time with my baby because my eldest can feed herself, play by herself (albeit for short bursts), use the toilet. I can enjoy my eldest because my baby will sleep in the day.
Just my opinion OP- every mother is totally different.

The first year is very hard work, but it's worth it in my experience. I always wanted two close in age, but perhaps not quite as close as I got! I got pregnant first time of trying for my second after it taking almost a year to conceive my first. DC1 was only 7 months so I have a 16 month gap between them. They are grown up now, best friends. But it was tough at the beginning and i can't remember much of DS2's first year at all because it was just so busy. No regrets though, and it can't have been too bad as I had DS3 a couple of years later

My children are 18 months apart, the first 2 years nearly killed me, I found it very hard. When the second was born the first was still very much a baby so it was double the work, the eldest wasn’t in nursery so I was on my own with them both on mat leave. Now they are 3 and 5 and in reception and nursery it’s a nice age gap, they play together and get on well, we can do things that they both enjoy as they are at similar stages. I’m expecting our third any day now, we opted for a more sensible age gap and I’m convinced going from 2 to 3 now will actually be easier than 1-2 with a small-ish gap.

My first was 2 weeks short of 2 when my second DC arrived. Its bloodg hard. But, I have a friend who got pregnant when her first was 4 months old and she finds things just as hard. I think a second is tough no matter what. Although, the thought of 2 kids who need to be carried freaks me out a bit. My first DC didnt walk til 21 months. At least my toddler can go get her own shoes now while I sort the baby.

My 2 are 2 years apart.

Things to consider

How was your pregnancy and birth? Have you full recovered (they say it takes 9-12 months to recover)
How could you cope with any sickness / tiredness with your current baby. Second pregnancies can be harder because you have another baby to look after
What are your work plans?
What are you finances like? Can you afford back to back maternity leave?
What child care arrangements do you have for number 1?
Do you feel you've had enough time to just enjoy number 1?
How is your relationship?
How does your partner feel about number 2?
It's not just the newborn days either to think about,

Can you afford 2 lots of childcare?
How about potty training with a little baby?
I've found this age (4 and 2) quite hard because they often run in opposite directions in the park.
I'm not keen on them doing GCSEs and A levels at the same time.

In hindsight I wish I'd had another 6-12 months between my two

I'm in a similar situation to OP, difference is my Ds1 is 14 and ds2 due very soon. We're already thinking about the dc3, as we'd like a small age gap so it's interesting to read others' views.
I think 18-24 months gap is probably what we'd go for, but we shall see!

We have a slightly bigger gap, but two couples in our NCT group had babies around 18 months after their first. One couple had twins, so three under two, and the other had a baby who really suffered from reflux. Both had a really tough first year or two, but now they are all older (8 &6, nearly 7) they all really love it.

It’s worth thinking about all the possibilities abs what you think you can cope with.

15 month age gap here. Everyone told me I was crazy and it would be awful and I’d regret it. My personal experience has been fine. It helped DD was an easy baby so could just pop her in the sling and carry on with our toddler DS. Our toddler DS is now under paediatric for possible autism but even with the challenges that come with that (and his severe speech / communication delay) it’s still been nowhere near as hard as the horror stories people (uninvitedly) liked to tell me: