Heavily pregnant and caring for a toddler - any tips or sympathy?!

[Hardbackwriter]

I'm 39+5 with DC2 and have a 2.5 year old. We stopped him going to nursery and also stopped using my parents as our childcare bubble when I started mat leave to try and reduce the risk of me or DH having Covid at the time of the birth. This seemed like a sensible idea but I'm now struggling so much. DH is a teacher and is mostly at home but live teaching to timetable, so completely unavailable during work hours (and I have to try and keep DS quietish) - I am lucky that obviously he's around more in the morning and evening than he would be if at work.

I felt like I was doing ok-ish but the last couple of days I've really struggled and I feel like I can't do it but know I have to! I have mild SPD and after taking DS for a walk in the snow yesterday was near tears because of the pain - but if I don't take him out at least one (preferably twice) a day he is climbing the walls - and me, which makes me completely unreasonably angry, which then makes me feel so guilty as it's not his fault. He's watching too much TV (he's watching TV right now), which makes me feel crap, and he's also getting bored of that. I try and do activities with him but I feel so tired that just setting them up and clearing up after them sometimes feels overwhelming - we did some cutting and sticking this morning, which is such minimal set-up, but it took me so much willpower to summon up the energy!

I know I'm being whingy, but I really feel close to tears. It's partially not knowing how much longer it'll last - I could give birth tomorrow, in which case it doesn't matter that today is crap, but it could be two more weeks and I can't just stick DS in front of the TV for that long! Any tips, or just a handhold?!

I was in your shoes. Its actual fucking hell and I hope to reassure you when I say I found parenting a 2.5yo and a newborn world easier than being heavily pregnant with a 2.5yo.

Do not feel any guilt whatsoever about TV. We did the same. We may have watched a movie a day for those last 2 weeks. Dc1 barely looks at the TV no so it did her no harm. Lots of easy lunches (bread and butter, cheese cubes, tube yoghurts). Lots of playing hospital (me lay on the bed, then with their doctors kits).

Get your dh to take DS out on a quick walk round the block before his first class in the morning. Then he can take him to the swings after his last class. It's only a few more days of this.

Do you have a garden? If so ds can be wrapped up and go out and play in that with you sat in the doorway in a coat.

I sat at the dining table with toys as it was easier than trying to play on the floor. Jigsaws etc whatever is easily to hand.

Don't push yourself to entertain a 2.5yo whilst 39 weeks pregnant. And please try not to feel guilty!

I remember it well, it was supremely shit so don't feel guilty about masses of TV! I used loads of sticker books as little tidying up and no prep. We also played doctors, it was great as got to like down. Give him a loo roll so he can put a bandage on you, might even get a short nap out of that one

I’m same boat but only 31 weeks pregnant and 3yo DS. Also postponed nursery and stopped our childcare bubble (nursery as risk of bringing it home, and support bubble as my dad is vulnerable and I’m in and out of hospital a lot now).

I have no idea how I’m supposed to do another 6-8 weeks of this (section at 39 weeks, possibly 37 weeks due to complications)

Too much tv here too, I do try and set up one or two activities a day, and he have an hour in the garden regardless of the weather and I sit with a brew in the garden.

Good luck, you’re so close now!

It was 13 years ago but I remember it like it was yesterday and you have bucket loads of sympathy from me!

just come on to say i completely sympathise op. I had a similar age gap and found it the hardest thing i have ever done! My second pregnancy was a tough one with worse spd than the first so i understand and the hormones were a killer!
Just wanted to say having a newborn ans toddler was a piece of cake conpared to being pregnant with a toddler! I was like a new woman hours after giving birth! All the pains went and i could walk again!
I won't say not much longer as i know that is the worst thing to hear. Instead i will say this will all be a distant memory worhib a couple or weeks!

*within

I agree, get DH to take DS out for walk before and/or after his work. If you have a garden, give him a task so that you can sit.

Who will mind DS when you give birth? Could they take him a few hours each day to help?

I was in your shoes. Its actual fucking hell and I hope to reassure you when I say I found parenting a 2.5yo and a newborn world easier than being heavily pregnant with a 2.5yo

This, this, a thousand times. My DM also said the 2yo is worried about the baby coming and that is playing into his behaviour. It was true, DS was so much easier after the birth. Good luck and this was in a September with no pandemic

Thank you so, so much for the solidarity, encouragement and sympathy - you've made me feel a bit better! Getting DH to take DS out before his first lesson is a good idea, thank you - they have a daily 'catch-up' meeting after school so it's normally dark by the time he's done, but he doesn't start until 9.20 (no registration) so that could work.

My parents will have DS when I give birth and would very happily do childcare now but they're quite 'connected' (DF going out to work, they're the support bubble for my brother's family and he also has a job where he comes into contact with a lot of people) so I'm worried about them contracting Covid and us needing to self-isolate, which would then mean DH couldn't come to the birth.

It's interesting you say that about behaviour of the older one - DS has become much more clingy and seeks a lot more reassurance than normal at the moment. He's so cuddly (which is very nice, don't get me wrong!) but just won't do things like play in the garden without my active involvement, which he happily would do quite recently - watching TV is the only time he doesn't want my active attention, whereas he was quite good at independent play. I'd put it down to the way that his world suddenly got smaller - no nursery, no grandparents, just at home with me every day - but it could also be anxiety about the new baby. He's also sleeping awfully, though DH is dealing with 100% of that!

Sympathy from me! I’m 37+3 with a 2 year old and am also struggling! Have no energy, painful leg cramps stop me from walking far, and just generally fed up!
Husband works from home and helps when he can and we are also being careful and not seeing anyone to minimise the risk of catching Covid before the birth.
So just a virtual hug from me x
(My toddler is also watching a lot of tv)

39+4 with a 3 year old here, I am completely with you in spirit here OP! DD was supposed to start nursery in Jan but it's now pushed back to March.

I can't walk, I can't sit, I can't bend down. I am in agony! I have a sweep tomorrow and I am fully prepared to beg for an induction on my due date, otherwise I'll have another 9 days of hell.

Do everything possible to make your like easier! It's only for such a short amount of time, and then DC 1 will be so excited with helping you with DC2 :)

My two are just under 2 years apart and the last two weeks or so of second pregnancy was awful (born at 37weeks though) I found the bone deep tiredness vanished literally the moment she was born. Pgp went, energy and immune system back to normal within 24hours it was startling. I was the illest I've ever been in the last 4 weeks. Eye, ear and throat infection and these went too immediately. Pregnancy is weird!

If it helps I have a 2 year old 9 month old and 4 year old ! And 28 weeks pregnant haha

I was in your shoes. But it was pre covid and my eldest went to the childminder full time

Actually, checking your dates, I didn't even get to 39 weeks with DS2. Ended up in hospital with pre-eclampsia at 37 weeks.

@Mother2princess

If it helps I have a 2 year old 9 month old and 4 year old ! And 28 weeks pregnant haha

Oh my goodness, I don't know how you manage but hats off to you!

I had 4 under 5, the youngest were twins. You have to learn how to manage your time well, routines are your best friend. Even minor changes to routines (like a party or day trip) you will pay for in exhaustion lol.

@Onlineshopperforever

I was in your shoes. But it was pre covid and my eldest went to the childminder full time

Actually, checking your dates, I didn't even get to 39 weeks with DS2. Ended up in hospital with pre-eclampsia at 37 weeks.

I really thought I'd have had the baby by now - DS was born at 39+1 and everyone told me that second babies are earlier! Due tomorrow and no signs at all so I'm despairing that this baby could be in me until forcibly evicted...

My eldest was 9 when the twins were born so fairly independent with most things and helpful at fetching snd carrying.
Hubby is military so just me and kids most if the time.

I completely and utterly hear you ❤️ I have a 3 and a half year old, a 2 year and and 27 weeks pregnant with no 3. They play together a good bit which is heaven but they squabble like mad and the 2 year old won't do anything without me. Family live an hour away and we can't travel to them because of covid and hubby leaves the house for work at 7am and doesn't get in til 5.30pm. He's brilliant when he's home and most days sends me off to have a lie down but over I'm shattered and fed up.
I'm also high risk for preterm birth as my first two were early and having loads of braxton hicks which mess with my mind. Just over it already but yet want this little one to stay in as long as possible 😩 it's hard! Nice to have a moan to other women in a similar position ❤️ x