Feeling stressed at work - 31 weeks

[1sttimemumtobe2021]

Hey

Just a bit of a vent really. Feeling stressed at work and like I have some long days ahead. Have struggled with work related anxiety not too long ago. Felt like I should log on at the weekend but just couldn't bring myself to do it and I now sick with what is in store for the week.

Should I not be feeling a bit more relaxed at this stage!? On the wind down from work. If anyone else has felt this way and could provide any tips, I'd be grateful. I won't be going on mat leave til 38 weeks - I've worked out the timeframe for coming back and just don't think I could start my mat leave earlier (unless I'm forced to due to illness). X

Hmmm, depends on the job. This was the most stressful time for me handing over to my maternity cover and getting them up to speed. "Wind down" happened maybe the last couple of days before I went on leave! But you shouldn't feel pressured to log on outside of working hours, pregnant or not.

@shhsecretsquirrel thanks for the reply. There's me thinking employers may take pregnancy into account but obviously not! I think it's quite difficult as well as I'm not visibly pregnant (ie working from home) so I feel like I'm just loaded on with work without recognition. I know I'm not a special case being pregnant as such, but there is tiredness, etc. that all adds up in third trimester.

Why can't you go on mat leave sooner? Don't forget you accrue all your annual leave on mat leave so you'll have your whole entitlement to add on at the end. You can also take what ever you have accrued this year/potentially carried over from last year before your mat leave starts.
I'm 33 weeks and am going off at 36 using 2 weeks leave.
If it's too much then you need to be straight with them. Work your contracted hours only and if challenged remind them you are heavily pregnant, tired and uncomfortable.

I honestly don't wish to sound harsh but it's not really the employers problem that you feel you can't perform the role as you could pre pregnancy... nor is it your colleagues responsibility to pick up the slack if you can't keep up - you're only 31 weeks so potentially another two months left at work... and you're home working? Do you have other children at home?

Do what you can within your contracted hours, but again, this does depend on the role? I am senior so always had and continued to, up until 38 weeks, pick up extra where needed. Could you ask about cutting down to part time? Have you been particularly poorly throughout? As pp said can you use some holiday you will have the full years allowance to use.

I know it's hard work, and tiring, but you have a way to go yet! And then the hard work really starts!!

I'm 31 weeks as well and have struggled with work on my current project (which helpfully started on 16th March 2020) for the whole year, although more so before pregnancy. Thankfully, I have good support from my manager and colleagues.

1. you need to be honest - if you are struggling, there's no points for just getting on with it. I was struggling badly throughout first lockdown (as a lot of my direct peers were) with workload at home - easily 12 hour days; no real break or escape; trying to manage a large brand new project with teams in the UK and halfway across the planet completely virtually; "loneliness"; added bonus of a toddler and all of us having to work full-time/exist in the same room for months. In August, found out I was pregnant and spoke to my manager immediately, as I was already at breaking point. I was the only person to admit it just wasn't possible any more and it was the right thing to do; it was escalated to leadership and some better support was put in place for me and generally for the project. I was praised for showing the strength to say something and for making efforts to be a better role model for my junior colleagues; if all they can see is people above them burning themselves out, especially during a pandemic, it helps nobody, dampens morale and hardly inspires anyone to want to progress in their career!

2. See what you can do about working hours - if you need to officially drop some/take a bit of holiday, consider doing this. I currently am taking a bit of holiday so effectively part time for my last few weeks, but it's needed. I have always felt guilty about logging off slightly early or taking a bit longer at lunch away from my laptop, but I am owed so many thousands of hours at this point in my career, it's ridiculous to feel guilty. I block my diary out from 3:30 (as I start at 7ish), so even if I'm working after this, I'm "Out Of Office" and people will be less likely to disturb me/book more meetings in/expect a response at all hours of the day. It also helps me force myself to log off and has helped massively to make me give myself some slack over the last several months! I'm not getting paid for more than my hours after all! If I have a headache, I will take a break; I had a nap last week at lunch and just blocked out my diary a little longer because I was shattered and had been a zombie all morning. Respecting your health (mental and physical) and your time will make you a better worker when you are working. It's especially difficult when you are working from home and can never escape "the office".

3. Get a plan in place for handover - if you have a direct replacement, suggest to your manager that they fully step into your role 2 weeks before you finish, with the aim that you will be on hand to support if needed, but it's fully them running things. If you aren't getting much support for a plan like this, make a list of things that you can support with that will mean you can wind-down, to clearly define expectations for those last couple of weeks. I will be doing similar - I'll be officially handing over and then effectively just be a dogsbody for a couple of weeks picking up tasks we've not had much time for and helping tie-up loose ends/ admin before rolling off.

4. If you aren't getting appropriate support and you are still really struggling, I would genuinely consider a doctor's note at this point. I'm exhausted at 31 weeks, been pretty well so far but third trimester with DC2 has hit like a tonne of bricks. I can barely manage the "wind-down" I'm currently having (part-time, handover plan approaching, "taking it easy" etc) and wouldn't be able to cope with c.5-7 weeks more of full on work. If you are stressed and exhausted, do what you can to get your house in order, get handover done, then consider speaking to your doctor. Be honest - again, no medals for just getting on with it!

Hope it starts to get better for you - And don't be too hard on yourself. This is a very very short moment in your career; letting a few things slip for the sake of your health means nothing in the long run! Take care :-)

I had a few weeks off for HG, to be honest I should have taken longer off as I was bed bound for around 4 weeks. I shouldn't have put work first which I did do.

Ok, maybe I can't 'cut it'. Tbh it might be related to the anxiety that I had to seek CBT for and it's coming back.

I might be working from home but that doesn't make it easier - the government have said that we can't go into the office and it's not worth the risk. I actually think the lack of visibility and communication has made it worse.

I appreciate that all the hard work starts at birth and tbh I'm hoping the baby will bring some perspective into my life.

@1sttimemumtobe2021 I know the feeling! I think there's a certain amount of just getting on with it but definitely worth having an open conversation with your employer. Pregnancy is a protected characteristic and they are supposed to risk assess you - it's more aimed at physical jobs but does include things like working hours. I've reduced the amount of work I do (I used to do 50hr+ weeks and have really cut back since PG. Yes I realise that was a problem before...). I am also lucky that wfh I have the flexibility to move my hours around a bit so take extra time at lunch to go for a walk/do some yoga which then helps with the afternoon - I just have to block out time in my diary. Everyone understands why and doesn't book on top of it. Is there anything like that (might be different adjustments for you) that would help? I assume you're doing this already but making sure to eat little and often really helps me keep my energy up as well. I do feel your pain though - when you've had less than 3 hours sleep 3 nights in a row and you're in zoom calls making decisions for 6 hours the next day and still have 150 emails to get through after the calls it all gets a bit much! We can only do our best!

Thank you @Alakasam really appreciate those different bits of advice. The early handover seems a really good suggestion as ill be handing over case load - just trying to get through as much as I can before this point (and then some).

Working from home is definitely not easy, I know plenty of people struggling and they're not pregnant to boot. Hormones have a lot to answer for. To be fair though, better to be busy for this bit than having an excess of time for random worries to creep in.

And having a baby will definitely shift your perspectives- work is work now, I have much clearer and firmer boundaries - start them now, do what you can in your time and use the rest to properly relax, work efficiently during office time and then put down and forget about it at the end of your working day.

Oh.. I’m 31+6 today, and starting from last week I realized that I just cannot perform as good at work as I normally do. First I felt ashamed, trying to pull myself back harder, but at the end of the weekend finally came to conclusion that my brain just unable to work so hard anymore.
I discussed the situation with the manager, and was allowed to work 50% of the time for the next 4 weeks, taking lots of saved annual leave days. And I’m so happy that I also initiated handover of all my projects to my colleagues in the previous month. so I feel really calm about that now.
I believe every pregnancy is different, and I think it is totally ok to discuss with the employer that it is hard for you now, and present it as a risk for your projects, so actions will be taken to help you. As I understand, there is the law protecting pregnant women at work that performance issues which were not raised before pregnancy cannot be used against pregnant women.
So, ahaha and rest more, everyone